Ho Hum Holidays
Though I’m so very blessed and have many things to be thankful for, I still get down around the holidays. Who wants to cook a huge turkey with all the trimmings for two adults and four finicky kids!
I can probably count on one hand how many times we’ve spent Thanksgiving with family over the past 15 years. The closest relative is 12 hours by car and we stopped flying to visit family after two kids!
Years ago, when it became obvious that no one was about to reach out to us during the holidays, we decided to reach out to others. Some of our best Thanksgiving dinners were when we invited a dozen or so college student to our home. When my oldest was in first grade he had to write about Thanksgiving and he wrote “After my dad says a very loud prayer, we eat turkey and play football in the backyard with the students.”
That was before the university closed down the alumni mentoring program. I have to admit, I feel a little resentful toward the church and friends when it comes time for the holidays. For the past 15 years, it’s been known we have no family in town, yet no one has ever invited up to their home for the holidays. I remember one year joining together with another family and making our own Thanksgiving, and when our 80 year old neighbors are in town, we invite them over, but other than that our holidays are just us.
I don’t know if holidays aren’t such a big deal out here in the midwest, but growing up in a big NY Italian family, holidays were a special time for family and food. I miss the holidays of my childhood and sometimes feel my children are getting robbed of some wonderful holiday memories with extended family.
Living in the upstairs apartment of my grandparent’s house in NY, I remember anxiously waiting all day for the cousins and aunts and uncles to arrive. “What time did you say there were coming,” I’d ask my mom over and over again. The house was always buzzing with activity as we got ready for company. The aroma of homemade Italian bread and sauce wafted upstairs, calling us to down. My sister and I would scamper downstairs past the large table and into the kitchen where my grandmother fried meatballs. Starving, we’d snatch fried meatballs from the giant dish before all the cousins came for dinner and nibbled black olives off the antipasto tray.
For Thanksgiving, my grandfather’s sister and her family always joined us. After stuffing ourselves the boys would play basketball out back and all the girls would sneak upstairs to watch Hans Christian Andersen and Mighty Joe Young. They were on every Thanksgiving and something I always looked forward to.
Food and family! That’s what the holidays were all about for me when I was growing up. It makes me sad that my kids don’t have that. It makes me sad that Thanksgiving around our house is just another day.
This year I just wasn’t into the holiday spirit. No Thanksgiving decorations and I decided to order out instead. We did it once in the past and the food was excellent with plenty of leftovers. But when my husband arrived with the individual Styrofoam take out trays, I got really emotional. “We’d be better off going to the homeless shelter for dinner,” I shouted as I dumped my Thanksgiving dinner onto a real plate.
I guess I had expected the same thing as last time. Large tin trays of turkey, mashed potatoes and dressing, and plenty of leftovers. As I looked at the pitiful take out tray, I wondered if our order for five would be enough to feed our family of six?
Well, there was enough to feed us all, and some leftovers, though not enough for dinner.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still thankful for a lot of things…
I’m thankful I didn’t have to spend the day cooking.
I’m thankful I got to spend the morning in my pajamas (Gracie’s still outside playing in hers:) and didn’t have to spend hours driving in the car.
I’m thankful there were no dishes to clean since we ate from Styrofoam containers. (Except me who used a real plate)
I’m thankful we actually had family out here several weeks ago and got to experience a pre-holiday gathering. (My mom’s the only one who ever comes out here for just a visit. My in-laws come out whenever a baby is born and we’re not planning on any more kids. Last year my aunt came out for a bowling tournament!)
Speaking of family. I’m thankful I’m not in the middle of my family’s dysfunctional dramas.
I’m thankful we actually have a few leftovers for dinner, though I’m in the mood for pasta and meatballs!
I’m so thankful for my family’s love and health and for freedom we have in this country.
I’m thankful for so many things, but I guess during the holidays I miss my family and the holidays of my youth, and can’t understand why more people don’t reach out to people like us!
So how do you spend your holidays? With extended family, or by yourself?
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If you lived by me, I’d invite you.
Sorry your take-out was so sorry…We live near one of my aunts, so there is some family nearby and I actually sometimes complain of just the opposite - wanting some autonomy, and not feeling guilty when I just want to do something with my immediate family only.
But I’m also learning to enjoy just creating new traditions with my boys - there was something wonderful about having Cal peak in the oven and lick his lips in anticipation of the turkey today. (He’s been ecstatic over Thanksgiving because his birthday is the next occasion after Thanksgiving…)
We didn’t have regular traditions in my growing up, so I’m trying to build a few with my boys. (And it definitely doesn’t involve travel - we stopped after one child:))
Your Italian Thanksgivings sound wonderful - why not get the recipe for meatballs and make some for your kids next year? And tell them stories of when you were little? You might be pleasantly surprised at their interest.
And if there’s one thing I am learning about being a parent is that the “magic” of the holidays we remember from childhood is really a code word for “mom.” It just doesn’t happen without her (me! you!). Rough sometimes, but nonetheless true.
Hope your Christmas is full of cheer and hope and all the good things the time of year and the Savior have to offer!
(Come on over to our house any time!)
November 23rd, 2006 at 7:13 pmHugs to you, Gina, I would have had a fit also. I just love this time of year, and it’s all because of my family. Your Italian family get-togethers would make anything less pale dramatically in comparison. I’m so sorry no one has reached out to you! Your mention of that made me sit back and wonder about the people in my church. Hmmm, wonder who had no place to go today? That is too sad to ponder.
I’ve always thought of the mid-west as being very family oriented. We got together with my parents, and my two sisters and their families today and had way too much food. Turkey, ham, shrimp and a dozen sides. We all split the leftovers too and had it for supper tonight. Food and family, just as you said…
I guess you’ve just got to “make family” if you don’t have any. Sadly, people like me, are too busy basking with their local loved ones to notice. I feel ashamed.
Why are you living so far from family? Job issues? My bro is on the West Coast and we’re constantly trying to get him to move to the Mid-west. He says he’d love to, but his wife’s roots are out there.
My heart goes out to you, and hopefully you’ll have a better Christmas!
November 23rd, 2006 at 10:48 pmThat’s too bad. I live right in my family’s lap, and really it’s a mixed blessing - although my kids LOVE it. Yes, there are always people to have holiday meals with but there are also the family grudges, family arguements… ugh. My husband’s family lives 20 minutes away. We see my father-in-law maybe three times a year. Sometimes living nearby doesn’t help.
November 24th, 2006 at 7:17 amOur church always has a Thanksgiving dinner for those that don’t have family close by. Maybe you could mention that to your church. I have plenty of family close by to share the holidays with but I also have our own little family dinner usually the Sunday before Thanksgiving.
I hope your Christmas holiday is much better.
November 24th, 2006 at 9:33 amThanks for all the encouragement. Overall the day was fine and free of stress, it’s just seeing that pitiful meal that sent me over the edge.
I really appreciate you guys taking the time to comment!
November 24th, 2006 at 5:11 pmrr. Bloglines didn’t tell me that anywone posted most of the weekend so I didn’t know you wrote.
Sorry about not replayin to your email, we have been one from the house almost constantly oer the last week. You upload via FTP or you can upload in a post then link to it. For your header it would be via FTP.
We also do not spend Thanksgiving with family. Our family is all in the area but due to divorce and remarriage it is awkward to choose to have Thanksgiving with one family or another, and due to food and pet allergies we haev to have the mal at our house. Most of the family doesn’t go in for the foods we can eat so… our Thanksgiving is family free, unless they stop by later.
November 26th, 2006 at 10:04 pmHi Gina, I am very down during the holidays anymore. Like you my holidays as a child were filled with extended family and always fun. My kids experienced some of that as JD’s parents always have a family Christmas and there are 5 children in his family, 4 spouses and 4 grandchildren and two great grandbabies. So it’s a nice time and always fun. But both my parents are gone, we’ve been separated from my family for years. and sometimes the commercializm of it all just bogs me down. We had a nice meal and celebrated with family sat. but not all made it. It’s getting harder every year to even get JD’s family all together. Like you so much to be thankful for, yet it’s a melancholy time too. ~hugs~
November 26th, 2006 at 10:45 pmI have SO MUCH to be thankful for!
November 27th, 2006 at 12:43 pmBTW…my blog is now hosted at blogger…please stop by and say hello!