Windows to the Soul
I was explaining to my 12 year old about baptism, and asking if he wanted to be baptized this Easter Sunday, when I saw that look in his eyes. The look that’s not particularly interested in things spiritual. When he was younger he wanted to be baptized, I’m not sure he’s ready now. I’m not even sure where his relationship with Jesus is. And it scares me. He says he wants to be baptized to let others know he’s a Christian, but he really could’t elaborate on what it means to be a Christian and surrender his life to Jesus.
I know he loves Jesus. But does he think he needs Jesus? Does he have a desire to serve Jesus wholeheartedly? He’s almost 13 and I don’t think the answer is yes. And it scares me.
He’s all about fun and games. If he’s not happy, everyone else around him is miserable. His life is pretty good (though I’m sure he’d disagree especially when I take away PS2) so where’s the pull to run to Jesus? At his age I needed Jesus. I was alone, lonely and sad. Jesus was my best friend. But will Jesus be that real to my son?
He said something that made me think. I can’t remember what I had asked him, but he said something like “Well, they’ve had rough lives and that’s when they knew they needed Jesus.” He needs Jesus so much in his life, yet he doesn’t see it.
He also gave me a look that broke my heart. The look that said, “you’re not living your life for Jesus. You’re just a hypocrite.” I know I shouldn’t hold it against him. I know he thinks that being a Christian means you should always do what’s right, and not lose your temper, and get angry. If he could only see my heart. How much I want to do right? How I don’t really know how to parent this child of mine.
If he could only see past my eyes, into the windows of my soul. Then he would know. Then he would see Jesus and maybe want to know Him a little better.
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You’re a great mom! One day he will grow to appreciate you and your heart. I think pre-teen is a tough age, and you’re not alone! I pray your son sees his need for Jesus, without having to go through what many of us did to see that need. God bless!
March 27th, 2007 at 12:28 amGina -
March 27th, 2007 at 11:53 amWhat a heartfelt post. The best way to show him Jesus is to live out your faith even when you mess up. Apologize and let him know that you are trying - but you’re thankful for God’s grace. Get him involved in a good youth group. Pray for him and let him see you praying for him. Find some Christian singers or bands that he really likes. But don’t give up on him. Sometimes we can push our kids too hard to a place that they are not yet ready for. The hardest part is that they have to choose faith for themselves. We can’t choose it for them.
Ugh…I have no advice. You are at the place I fear to be. I strayed as a teen and think if I could figure out why, I might prevent it in my own kids. It’s so hard in this society of “having everything we want” to teach our kids that we do in fact NEED Jesus.
I do have one thing to offer. The book I’m reading now: “Raising Your Child to Love God” is awesome and has given me hope in many biblical promises for obedient parents. It’s taking me forever to read it because I’m highlighting nearly everything in it! Ha! (You can find the link on my website.)
March 27th, 2007 at 4:48 pmGina,
*hug* I think times like this are the perfect times to remind ourselves and our kids about the gospel. Instead of saying, “if only you could see my heart,” (not that it is wrong or bad to say that), I try to focus on the glory of God’s grace and the gospel. When my kids point out my hypocrisy (a favorite of pastime of theirs), I say something like, “you’re right, I’m not acting like a Christian should act. Please forgive me. But I’m so glad you and I have a Savior. I’m so glad it’s not my righteousness that makes me a Christian, but it’s the righteousness of Christ. I have not been living the kind of life I should live, but Jesus came to earth and lived in perfect obedience. When God looks at me, He says the obedience of his Son. How cool is that!? Now, will you pray for me so I can live more like Jesus wants me to live out of gratitude for his grace.”
I’ll pray for him. I know it is scary to think he might not understand what it means to be a Christian. Just remember, God loves him more than you do!
March 28th, 2007 at 12:29 pm