I Should Have…
Have you ever done something you know you shouldn’t have? When a part of you is urging you to stop, but you can’t so you continue on…
Tonight was one of those nights. When I should have been writing, I decided to check my bloglines. And after seeing close to 1000 posts unread, I decided to browse and read and comment. And check my email repeatedly though no new emails came in after nine!
It’s past midnight and I haven’t written a lick. Though today when I should have been doing the laundry or making my kids’ lunch, I was editing a friend’s chapters and revising my own.
Why is it so hard sometimes to do what is right? What is good for us? Like scrapping the healthy dinner I had planned and meeting a friend for the pizza buffet tonight?
I guess it all boils down to self-control or does it? Maybe it’s about burnout, or wanting to do our own thing, especially us moms. How many of you out there would LOVE to have a day all to yourself just to do as you wish without having to take care of anyone?
I think I feel a weekend writing get-a-way coming on soon!
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I think it has something to do with the mystery of inspiration–where does it come from, when will it strike, what kind will it be? I’m personally motivated by inspiration for anything and everything creative–without it, I resent the project and my commitment to it. Maybe I’m just rebellious that way. At the end of the day is not the time for me to write. I am emotionally and intellectually drained. The only thing that might spruce up a little creativity in the writing realm is reading something for a bit, and who has time for that between supper dishes, baths and bedtime?
Usually I just munch on brain candy (TV) until I turn in.
Sometimes I think I could have been single with no kids and have lived happily ever after, free to write and paint at will. But then I look back and realize my experiences that have left me so “drained” are the ones that have actually chrystalized into my inspiration. Funny how the Lord works stuff like that out. He certainly works in mysterious ways.
Thanks for the entry. Sympathetic company is always a good thing:)
June 6th, 2007 at 8:24 amThat would be what I like to call “everyday of my life.”
June 6th, 2007 at 6:54 pmDOn’t beat yourself up. Maybe you needed some unstructured time.
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June 25th, 2007 at 4:10 amI am so with you on this one…completely relate. So many things we want to do, plan to do, commit to do and then something throws it all off track. Yesterday was a perfect example, we were going to just rest, really take a day off and catch up on stuff while the baby took his nap. Well, he decided not to take a nap so everything got out of whack and the rest of the day went downhill after that. I think I really need a plan and need to make sure that plan includes time for me. It’s hard with kids but I don’t think we can survive without it.
Thanks for your honesty. Time to get back to my regularly scheduled day!
tasra
June 25th, 2007 at 2:36 pmOh can I relate to this. I do it all the time. We just came home from vacation at the cabin we rent. I planned to do a ton of writing but just never “got around to it”. I finally quit kidding myself and worked on a photo album instead of just sitting at the computer.
I think Chanda is right – we need the challenges of everyday life to keep us motivated. I seem to do much better when I have to carve out slices of time from a very busy schedule rather than when I am just stitting at the computer waiting for inspiration.
Thanks for sharing, Phyllis
June 25th, 2007 at 2:38 pm