Staci, Welcome to Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted. Tell us a little about your family and your call to write.
I am a stay-at-home mom with a husband, three kids (12, 8, 5), and a writing addiction. Although technically I stay at home, I have several things that should be considered jobs—such as keeping books for my husband’s company, doing all the family finances, and all the cleaning and laundry. I teach Sunday School and am very involved in a church organization. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I write and publish my books through my own company and am now starting down the path of helping others publish through my company, which is not where I ever thought I would be on this journey but where God has led me.
How did you get your first “writing break?”
My first writing break was for a company that turned out to know a lot about how to attract writers but not a lot about how to help them. I got an editor who helped me in a lot of ways, but who also ended up stripping my voice right out of the book we were publishing. I got a publicist who assumed that meant she now ran my life. I did book signings and speaking engagements, went on TV and radio, and even sold quite a few books. But not terribly long into this, I realized this was not where I wanted to be. They had control of my life and my writing, and I was expected to do what they said or else they wouldn’t publish the next thing.
That relationship lasted two years and ended with me having to threaten them with a lawsuit if they didn’t give the rights to my book back. I learned a lot from the experience and not all of it was bad. I learned to stand up for myself and what it means when you sign those rights to someone else. I learned that although someone may have a certain title, it doesn’t mean they know everything or even that they know more than you. And most of all, I learned that the world may say it only works one way, but God often has something else in mind. All were extremely beneficial to me in discerning the path God had in mind the whole time.
What a tough, but valuable lesson to learn!
What do you write and why this genre?
I write Christian Contemporary Romance. I loved romances growing up. I bought almost every Sweet Dreams teen romance that they ever put out. When I was three, my favorite story was Cinderella, and it still is. That has less to do with some fantasy fairy tale about a girl who dresses up in a nice dress and snags a Prince than with growing into the Princess God made you to be in the first place. My philosophy is that I take two beautiful souls who may not see their own beauty at all and through the growing of their relationship illuminate that beauty to them and to the world.
Do you have any recent contracts and up coming releases?
I have two books that just came out in August 2007. One is “Reflections On Life II: Notes from the Journey,” a sequel to a collection of short non-fiction stories that came out in 2005. And the second is “Dreams by Starlight,” a Christian Contemporary YA novel that speaks to everyone about learning to be who you are and the value in that.
In 2008, I will put out “Reunion,” which is the sequel to “Dreams by Starlight.” “Reunion” is the continuation of Camille and Jaylon’s story. It is an adult Contemporary Christian Romance and speaks about being true to yourself even when life doesn’t put you where you thought you would be.
What do you hope to accomplish through your novels?
I’ve gotten really clear that I don’t accomplish anything. God does, and truthfully, He already has. He has changed my life through the lives of these characters. He has taught me things I could not have learned any other way—through the writing and the having faith that the story will be what it is meant to be, and through the actual storylines and how the characters grow. Whatever God chooses to do with them here on out is His decision. I’m just honored to be along for the ride.
And now for the tough questions…
How do you balance being a mom, wife, and writer?
Balance? What’s that? 
Mostly I have let go of trying to schedule or plan anything myself. I did that for a while, and it about made me crazy. I would hear these authors talking about setting a goal of 5,000 words a day or whatever, and I would think, “That’s what I need to do.” But I was horrible to myself when it didn’t happen, and the truth was, it didn’t happen A LOT. For another while, I tried to “prioritize.” This was important. That was less important. That didn’t work either.
What I have found that does work for me (and this is practically insanity swaddled in Saran Wrap to many) is to simply let God decide what I’m going to do at a given moment. If a friend calls, I talk to the friend. If I’m cleaning, I clean. If I’m picking up kids from school, that’s what I’m doing. If I’m writing, I write. (That’s what I would do all the time if given the chance!)
And always, I am gentle with myself. I don’t beat myself up if something isn’t done or done perfectly… anymore. I used to, and all I got was a frazzled, stressed out woman that I didn’t even recognize. What I have found is that although it takes a great deal of faith to do it, God is far better at planning my day than I am. I do my best to float in what He’s asking me to do at the time, to listen when He’s asking me to make a shift, and to be as present and loving as I can be to anyone He sends my direction when He sends them.
That’s as close to perfect balance as I’ve ever gotten. (And still, it’s a challenge!)
That’s really a great way to live. I’m sure we could all use a little more of God planning!
Do you think it’s possible to give yourself fully to raising children, writing, and keeping in shape? If not, which one for you has to take a back seat?
Man, I was with you all the way up to “keeping in shape.” (haha!) I try to give myself time to do healthy things for me—exercise, eat right, plenty of sleep… Right now, that is difficult because I have a 5-year-old who is with me 24/7 and because sports and exercise were never my thing. I’m not big on cooking or eating either. Just give me a bowl of chili out of a can, and I’m good to go. (You did say the truth, right?)
Right now, keeping in shape probably gets pushed away more than it should, but that’s not to say I’m not doing anything for myself. My writing is definitely for myself. A friend of mine always says that I’m “different” when I write. I’m more open to the Holy Spirit, more excited about life, more in tune with the things that are really important. So, yes, I can be very much in touch with my children’s lives (though I’m not a micro-manager there by any stretch of the imagination) and do good things for myself. But then, I’ve got an advantage because writing is my good thing for myself… Now where did I put that exercise bike?
When do you find the time to write, and do you ever feel like you’re neglecting your children when you write?
Whenever I can, I write. Sometimes that’s more. Sometimes not so much. I’ve got two advantages: I’m a fast typist, and I’ve gotten over that second guessing everything to death stage. With a solid background in English (I taught for 3 years), editing is easy too. So the writing is less an issue than the marketing and keeping up with groups and the promotional side of the writing life.
As for neglecting my children, well, yes. I do feel like that at times. But I think every Mom no matter how kid-oriented she is feels she’s missed so much. Face it, raising kids is an overwhelming proposition!
When I feel I’m neglecting them, that’s when I have to be really, extra gentle with myself and not get out the condemnation rulebook about what a “perfect Mom” is supposed to be and do. That’s not always easy, but I’m a better, more relaxed and loving Mom when I can do it.
But each step forward in my writing life as far as becoming more well-known or as far as going for that next step (like entering screenwriting contests where it’s likely a win will mean the script will be made into a real movie complete with all the travel and new headaches that would entail)… Those things tend to throw me into “how in the world am I ever going to get all of this done” and “I don’t want to neglect my kids because I was trying to fulfill my own dream.” There again, I have to keep going to the center of God loves me, God is in control, God has a plan, and God is here… and all those things will be true even if/when this happens. (That’s my secret to sanity in case you’re wondering.)
How do you handle interruptions in your writing life?
There was a time that they drove me crazy! And then one day, God showed me the gift they could be if I just let go of thinking I was in control. I was writing, and I was at the VERY end of the book. I mean, two-three pages, and it was done. (Fourth book) It was a Saturday which meant my husband was home so he could watch our three year old and I could write (at least that’s what I thought it meant!). I was writing away, and all of a sudden, dear husband came in. My child was wet and tired and ready for a nap. He, of course, had to finish mowing, so would I put her down. I was LIVID!
In a huff, I changed her and got her milk. We went to sit in the chair, and as mothers know, little children will not go to sleep if you are a stressed-out wreck. I knew I had to calm down, so I breathed and prayed and sought to settle myself down. As I did, I began to picture the scene I was writing in my head, and it was so lovely and so wonderful. And then all of a sudden, one of the characters that I had in one role in the wedding was suddenly in a different role. I was like, “What? What is he doing there?” However, as I thought about it, I realized God was right. He was better over there.
So, as much as possible I try to remember that what I consider interruptions may simply be God’s way of showing me that He wants me to take a slightly different path or to stop for a piece of the puzzle He wants to give me.
How do you get back into the flow of writing after you’ve been interrupted?
Breathe. Lots of breathing. Then I read the last couple sentences or the last couple of paragraphs, I ask the Holy Spirit for what comes next, and we take off.
What do you do to encourage yourself during those stormy days every writing mom has?
Breathe and pray. Not so much a one-way from me to God, “Help. What is wrong here? What am I doing wrong? Why are You doing this to me?” (though there is some of that too!) But more, “What do You want here? What are You trying to show me? Help me be gentle with myself. Help me to be gentle with Your children.”
I also have some extraordinary friends (a whole list of them) that I can call or email and say, “I’m so stressed out, I can’t see straight!” Generally, their first reaction is, “This isn’t like you. What’s going on?” And then we talk, and they remind me that God loves me, God’s in control, God has a plan, and God’s here… It helps.
How do you position yourself to HEAR God’s voice when all the noises of life are swirling around you?
To me, God is less some guy off in Heaven somewhere that I have to petition and beg for things than He is simply my best friend. It hasn’t always been like that, but I think because of the writing, He was able to show me how omnipresent He really is. His presence is not about spying or keeping tabs on me. It’s about being right here for me at every moment. Fully present at every moment. He and I have a running conversation all day long, and yes, He talks to me. Sometimes (though not always) directly through thoughts in my head, but also through songs and people speaking and talking with friends and books and writing and emails and church and well… getting the mail or cleaning the kitchen or even doing the laundry. I wish I could give that relationship to everyone in the world because it makes so much difference!
And sometimes His voice is in the noise. I’ve used Charlie Brown’s Christmas in a book because the child in the book was watching something on TV, and that’s what happened to be playing on my TV. There are times to use the noise to your advantage rather than to battle it.
If you do feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?
Pray. A lot. Really when I feel life getting away from me, I concentrate on going to the Center—to God. I try to remember that God doesn’t expect perfection from me or from the situation, that God really doesn’t require any of this from me, that it’s constructs of the world telling me it has to be like this to be any good and the world is not God. The truth is that God is far gentler on us than we ever are on ourselves. When I remember that, life gets back on track.
Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?
When I was in school and high school, I wrote a lot. Then I became a teacher and wrote very little of my own things. When I quit teaching to have my family, there was about a year and a half that I never even considered writing. My husband and I built our house, and I worked on decorating it. And then one day, I was here with a year-old child and too much time on my hands. That’s when God started giving me dreams of ideas for books. He’d been doing this for years prior to that point, but I didn’t understand what He had in mind. When I caught onto it and started writing, I knew I had found where I was meant to be. There have been dry spells (during the births of the next two children for example) when timewise, I simply couldn’t write. But writing for me is less about impressing anyone or being published than it is about having an outlet for God to show me about the world and to teach me about love.
And during the times of famine in my writing, I go to the Center and realize that this too is for a reason. He has a plan, and it is unfolding in its time… not mine. The more I trust that, the more handleable everything becomes.
Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed” God in regards to writing, that maybe you should be doing something else?
For me (and I think this is different for everyone), God is in the writing. It is what He sent me here to do. But there are other things He sent me here to do as well… like love my husband, raise my children, teach others, use all my talents… When I let Him decide what things I should be doing at any given moment, it becomes so clear to me that He knows the seasons and the moment I should be any one role that He’s given me to be. The more I do that, the less regret I have, and the more honor and respect I give to Him because He’s just so awesome!
What advice would you give to writing moms who are have their hearts set on publication?
Let go of the need to be published. I don’t mean let go of wanting to be published or working to be published. But let go of thinking that being published is somehow going to make you be something you are not—like worthwhile or successful or whatever. Let go of thinking that God will love you more if you are published.
The truth is, you simply cannot get peace and joy and happiness from a contract or even from a sale. You cannot get it from selling ten books, nor 500. If you are looking at any of that stuff to give you a reason to breathe and be satisfied with your life right now, you will forever be frustrated.
Instead, understand that, if you so choose to allow God into the process, the process will contain all those things you want from the outcome. How? I don’t know how it will come about for you except to say that it will if you let it. And let me tell you, this is one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It was getting out of that boat of “It has to be this way and look like this for it to be good” and walking on the water of, “I’m okay with however God chooses for this to be and look at any given moment.”
Christ, the Holy Spirit, God… they still call us to walk on water every day, but too often we’re clinging to the boat going, “No, I really think this way is going to make me happy.” Let go of that, and let God choose for you.
Amen!
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
God is good. God does not seek your destruction or your frustration. God seeks two things: To love you and to reveal Himself to you and through you. It’s when we get wrapped up in the world’s definition of what we have to be for others to think we’re successful or worth it… or worse not a disappointment or not a failure… that we go off track. Getting back on track is being humble enough to realize we don’t have all the answers, that too often we tread in fear rather than on faith, that we can go to God and ask Him to show us the next step (not ten years from now, but the very next step), and taking that step.
If I could, I would give you two pieces of advice. Follow your heart’s truest desire. If that’s writing, great. If that’s volunteering at the homeless shelter, go for it. Whatever step your heart is asking you to take in a positive direction, do it. Then, let go, let God take the wheel, and enjoy the process. Put the final outcome as well as the process in God’s hands. Be gentle with yourself, and life… even crazy life with a husband, kids, and a writing addiction can be the greatest gift God ever thought of in all eternity!
To read the first three chapters of any Staci Stallings book for FREE, go to:
http://www.stacistallings.com/Previews.htm
Staci is also a regular Sunday columnist for Writer…Interrupted. Read her devotionals! I guarnatee you’ll feel better for the experience!
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