Welcome Nicole, writing mom to a four and one year old. So all you writing moms of toddlers know that if it’s God’s will for you life to be writing NOW, it will happen. Be encouraged by Nicoles’ journey!
Tell us a little about your family and your call to write.
I have such an amazing family. My husband, Aaron, and I have been married for nearly nine years now. He is the pastor of a vibrant, growing church in our small town. Not only is he the most intelligent person I know, he is also the funniest. Aaron and I have two sons. Isaac is four-years-old and equally interested in sports and books. I love the unexpected combination of his imagination and athleticism. Judah is our baby. He is eighteen-months-old and Ethiopian by birth. Aaron and I brought him home from Africa when he was almost five months old. He is the happiest, most energetic little guy I have ever met. I could not possibly love my family more. And I hope that in the years to come we have more to love!
As for writing, I think God called me to write from a very young age. I’ve been a poet, a journalist, an author, and an all-around dreamer since I first learned to write at the age of five. Even if I never published a single poem, article, or book, I know that I would continue writing until I am physically or mentally incapable of doing so. Writing has always been, and always will be, a part of my life.
How did you get your first “writing break?â€
It was totally a God thing. I wasn’t even seeking publication when God opened a door for me to get a manuscript directly into the hands of a highly respected acquisitions director. I sent her the first fifty pages of a brand new novel, and, against all odds, she liked it. A few months later I signed a two-book contract with Tyndale House Publishing. After the Leaves Fall was released in September of 2007, and the sequel, Summer Snow is due out in the spring of 2008. Now I have an agent and another two-book contract. In some ways it seems like I went from a stay-at-home mom to a published author overnight.
What do you write and why this genre?
I write contemporary fiction right now, but I certainly don’t feel married to that genre. I have lots of ideas for historical novels, a few along the lines of suspense/mystery, and even a young adult fantasy hidden somewhere deep in my possibilities file. But I suppose I debuted with contemporary fiction because it was the most accessible; there’s no research needed. That probably makes me sound lazy, but I’m not at a point in my life right now where I can devote months to extensive research before penning a novel. And I would never dream of writing something that I couldn’t talk about with as much knowledge and professionalism as possible. Anyway, I do hope that I have the chance later on in life to try my hand at different genres.
Do you have any recent contracts and up coming releases?
Summer Snow is my next book set for release. It will hit stores this coming spring, and although it is technically a sequel to After the Leaves Fall, I don’t think you necessarily have to read Leaves in order to enjoy and understand Snow. Actually, I think both books could be stand-alone titles. Snow picks up where Leaves left off, but while Leaves is a coming-of-age story, Snow is all about forgiveness and forging ahead. I’m really excited about this new book and I can’t wait to see if it will be as well received as After the Leaves Fall has been.
I am also blessed to have a contract for two more books with Tyndale. Currently, I’m working on a third book that is completely unrelated to the first two. It is contemporary fiction, but it also has elements of suspense. The book is told from three different points-of-view and the storyline spans thirty years. In some ways I suppose it could be compared stylistically to a Jodi Piccoult or Alice Sebold book. I am having so much fun writing it. And my fourth contracted book is still in the brainstorming stage. At this point I have a number of ideas I can work with, but I haven’t started the book yet.
What do you hope to accomplish through your novels?
That’s a difficult question for me to answer. I wish I had a mission statement for my writing, but I really don’t. My goals are multifaceted and varied, and they seem to change with every novel. A few things that don’t change are my desire to make my writing an act of worship, my hope that readers will find both beauty and truth in my work, and the expectation that God will continue to refine me and my writing.
And now for the tough questions…
How do you balance being a mom, wife, and writer?
Some days it is so hard! My family is, and always will be, my first priority. But now I also have deadlines to meet, obligations to fulfill, contracts to complete… It can get a little crazy. Thankfully, my husband is extremely supportive, and his job can be flexible. He watches the boys one morning a week while I write, and he is also willing to help me out whenever I’m in the throes of a creative moment and simply unable to draw myself away from the scene that I’m working on. I don’t know what I would do if Aaron didn’t understand or wasn’t supportive.
But with or without a sympathetic husband, it’s still hard to keep everything balanced. I’ve found that though it sounds a little counterintuitive, I tend to compartmentalize my life a bit. Of course, my writing bleeds over into every aspect of my being, but I try to keep family time sacrosanct, and I attempt to focus on whatever is in front of me at the moment instead of splitting my attention. For example, I lead a women’s Bible study on Monday mornings. Well, from 8:00 on Monday mornings until 11:00 I give the Bible study my full attention. Then I focus on my kids. While they nap in the afternoon I plan meals and pick up the house. When the kids wake up we go out and run errands and get groceries. Then it’s time to cook, eat, bathe the boys and put them to bed. I don’t write at all on Mondays, except for what goes on in my head. I think that if I tried to wrestle an hour or two out of my schedule on Monday for writing, the whole thing would fall apart and I’d feel disconnected from my other joys and obligations. Each day has it’s own set of priorities and responsibilities and I try to keep it that way.
Do you think it’s possible to give yourself fully to raising children, writing, and keeping in shape? If not, which one for you has to take a back seat?
I think it is difficult, but definitely possible. One of the things that really helps me to maintain balance in my life is simplicity. We live in a small town and there is no such thing as rush hour, traffic jams, or even carpooling because everything is nearby. The pace of life is very laid back and focused on relationships instead of activities. All of this contributes to a much less hectic schedule than what my husband and I endured when we were suburbanites. Less craziness means more time to simply live my life, and I’m usually blessed to find that everything just sort of comes together without much fuss. For example, when the weather is nice (and often when it’s not), I walk or bike everywhere with my boys. The grocery store is several blocks from our house and so is a beautiful park, so when I get groceries on Monday I make it a fun excursion. We walk to the park and play for a while, then head to the store to pick up what we need for supper. By the time we get home, I’ve played with my boys, planned and cooked a great meal for my husband, and gotten a lot of fresh air and exercise.
But before you start to think that I live in some idyllic throwback to old Leave it Beaver ideologies, let me tell you that things don’t always work out so prettily! In the winter we’re buried in snow and it’s hard to get outside. Sometimes my kids are moody and miserable and I wish I could shut them in their rooms and write instead. And I go through seasons where it’s just difficult to get the right words down on paper. At one point or another, everything in my life has had a chance to take a back seat. I’ve gone months without doing anything substantial to stay in shape, and I’ve gone weeks without spending any real, solid time writing. And, sadly, I know I fail my kids, too. (I’m sure that will all come out in counseling for them someday!) But I keep trying, and so far I’m loving every minute of it–even when it’s hard.
When do you find the time to write, and do you ever feel like you’re neglecting your children when you write?
I write two mornings a week for five hours each. Ten hours doesn’t sound like much time, but I do a lot of my writing in my head throughout the rest of the week. I really brood over every scene or chapter I write, so that when I sit down to actually put pen to paper, I pretty much know exactly what is going to happen (even down to specific word choice).
With this schedule, I don’t feel like I neglect my children when I write because they are well cared for by my mother or my husband. In fact, my kids love the change of pace. However, I do sometimes feel like I neglect my kids when I take care of all the little things that life as an author entails: returning emails, blogging regularly, setting up book signings, and the list goes on and on. Publicity is kind of a four-letter word in my home because it sucks time away from the things I really want to do: spend time being the best wife, mom, and author I can be.
How do you handle interruptions in your writing life?
I guess I just keep plugging on. Interruptions are so much a part of my life that I don’t really even think about them anymore. For example, my husband and I can be in the middle of an intense discussion only to be interrupted by a very insistent four-year-old toting some must-see toy or creation. We’re able to give him our attention, smile and nod at whatever he’s showing us, and then resume our conversation as if nothing ever happened the moment he races out of the room. Because I’m so accustomed to interruptions, I’ve worked hard to prepare myself for the inevitable. I try to go with the flow when it comes to both interruptions and inspirations. I have strategically placed little notebooks and pens all over my house as well as in my purse, in my son’s diaper bag, and in the car. That way, I’m ready to quickly jot down ideas and inspirations wherever I may be, regardless of any interruptions that might try to derail me.
How do you get back into the flow of writing after you’ve been interrupted?
I try to go back and pick up where I left off. It’s not always easy because sometimes that almost magical creative moment has passed, but I do try to give myself little hints for later before I give in to the interruption completely. For example, if I’m writing in my favorite coffee shop and someone stops by to chat, I might take a moment to quickly jot down ten or so key words that will refresh my memory about what I was working on before I got interrupted. Then when they leave I can reread my instant notes and fall back into whatever scene I was crafting. That little tactic works great for me, although I do worry sometimes that people feel as if I’m half-listening. And sadly, that may be true! Sometimes I’m so deep in the middle of whatever I’m doing that when I’m interrupted I don’t even notice. I’m one of those readers that can be completely blind to the rest of the world when I’m buried in a book (my dad even claims I once read through our smoke alarm going off). It’s the same thing with writing when I’m really into it: I can be utterly unaware of what is going on around me.
What do you do to encourage yourself during those stormy days every writing mom has?
I think my stormy days are more often related to writing than they are to my family. I always thought that if I ever achieved my dream of being published, I would never want for anything again. Now that I’m published, I’ve found that there are lots of things I still long for! Five-star reviews, critical acclaim, good sales, another publishing contract, and respect among my peers and readers are just a few of the things that keep me up at night. When someone is unenthusiastic about my book or my sales look crummy, I can start to feel a little fragile. But I have to remind myself that though in my soul I am a writer, being an author is simply what I do. Who I am–my value as a person–has to come from something other than my writing. I try to spend time every day reminding myself that I am beloved of God, regardless of whether or not I write well, regardless of whether or not I’m the perfect mom or wife. Though I don’t always do a very good job of convincing myself, I try to accept the fact that the Lord is pleased with my humble offerings when they come from a heart that longs for Him.
How do you position yourself to HEAR God’s voice when all the noises of life are swirling around you?
I try to cultivate a very prayerful life. My grandmother once told me that she never says amen. She explained that prayer is a conversation with God, and that since He is always with us, she sees no reason to ever end the conversation. It’s taken me years to begin to understand this and put it into practice in my own life, and I still have a long way to go. But I do my best to acknowledge that God is constantly with me. And to that end I pray all day long. Sometimes I just shout out a “thank you!†Other times, God and I have a long heart to heart. Then, when I think I hear Him speaking to my soul, it’s just a matter of confirming it with Him. I’ll continue to pray and petition, and when I feel that He has affirmed my assumptions by placing the same thing on my husband’s heart, or made His will obvious through evidence in my life, I proceed in faith.
If you do feel your priorities slipping, what do you do to get back on track?
Aaron’s job as the senior pastor of an active church has many possible pitfalls that keep him on his toes. Likewise, I could screw up my priorities very fast if I started to let my writing take over my life. So, the two of us have come up with a strict accountability system: Aaron keeps close tabs on my life and I watch for areas of weakness in his. At first, this little setup was awkward and very difficult. I felt attacked if he challenged me about spending too much time focusing on something that could potentially drag me down. In fact, I often retaliated by coming up with some overblown issue that I was supposedly concerned about in his life! But now I feel like we’ve reached a place where we can be very honest with each other, and, let me tell you, it has changed my life. For example, a few months ago I became obsessed with prowling the internet for anything related to my books. I checked Sitemeter daily to see who was visiting my website, lived for writing-related emails, and, when I got bored, Googled After the Leaves Fall. Aaron put a stop to that real quick. He challenged me to give up Google entirely, check email once a day, and visit Sitemeter only once a week. The addiction faded rather quickly, and now I sometimes go weeks without even thinking about who is visiting my website or what people are saying about my book. I do, of course, have to check my email daily, but I don’t feel like my whole life centers around my writing. It has freed me up to play with my kids, bake cookies, have friends over… lead a normal, balanced life. Or at least try to!
Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?
Absolutely. When I graduated college I worked for four years full time as a high school English, Spanish, and ESL teacher. While teaching is incredibly rich and rewarding, it is also exhausting. Teaching absolutely consumed me. I had no time left over for writing in any form. That is, until a few years into my teaching career when I picked up the latest issue of The English Journal and noticed a call for articles on teaching poetry. I had just finished teaching a poetry unit that I was very excited about, and before I knew it I had written a lengthy article that I blithely sent in. Believe it or not, the article was published! Shortly after that I started writing fiction again. In some ways it was nice to have that little break from writing, but when I got back on track I realized just how much I had missed it. I don’t think I’m fully myself unless I’m writing in some form.
Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed†God in regards to writing, that maybe you should be doing something else?
No. This is exactly where I am supposed to be, and I can see God’s hand leading me to this point from a very young age. Of course, if you would have told me two years ago that I would be a published author someday, I would have laughed. But now it feels so right–I absolutely love writing and I love the fact that I get to live my dream.
What advice would you give to writing moms who are have their hearts set on publication?
That’s such a hard question! I wish I could tell everyone, “Keep plugging! It will happen for you!†But then again, it might not. So maybe I should say, “Don’t set your heart on publication, be content with writing for the Lord.†But that sounds trite and almost holier than thou. Shouldn’t I be content simply writing for the Lord then, too? What gives me the right to set my heart on publication? Honestly, I don’t quite know what to say, nor do I feel suited to give advice. What I can tell you is my story–take it for what it’s worth.
I spent my whole life wanting to be a published author. I dreamed about it, I planned for it, I imagined exactly what it would be like. There were periods in my life when I obsessed about it, feeling that I could never lead a full and happy life if I wasn’t a published author. It felt like God had woven the desire into the very fabric of my being–I was nothing if not published. And then my family went through a year of crisis, and in some ways I felt like I met the Lord for the very first time (even though I’ve been a Christian since I was a child). Anyway, everything fell away. Everything. All my pretensions. All my preconceived ideas. All my plans for myself, all my wishes and desires melted into a new obsession: to be and do exactly what God wanted me to be and do. Nothing more, nothing less. At that time, if He had asked me to flip burgers at McDonalds for the next forty years I would have done so happily because I would have done it for Him. I felt like for the first time in my life I was truly living out His will for me, not my own will for myself. And then, quite literally weeks after I gave it all up, turned it all over to Him in an act of offering like I’ve never experienced before, He threw the doors wide open for me to publish my very first book. I signed the contract six months later.
Am I saying that if you give yourself over to God He’ll get your book published? Not at all. What I’m saying is that I think if you give yourself over to Him–heart and soul, body and mind, utterly and completely–it won’t matter. He’ll fulfill your life in every way He ever intended to because His plan for you is perfect. It’s infallible. Maybe that means publication. Maybe not. But in His will you’ll be happy whether you write for an audience of a million or whether you write for an audience of one. Know what I’m saying? I hope that doesn’t sound too preachy. I just truly believe that God aches to fulfill the deepest longings of our hearts (and I don’t think that He’d carve a hole in our being only to taunt us with its emptiness), but we do need to be ready to accept the gift He is ready to offer, whether or not it’s what we think we want.
Is there anything else you’d like to share?
Well, I don’t want to seem like I’m on some crusade, but I would love people to know that 15% of the proceeds from After the Leaves Fall and Summer Snow are going directly to the children at Christ Is Our Hope, an orphanage in Monrovia, Liberia. When Aaron and I were in Ethiopia picking up Judah, God unexpectedly paved the way for us to partner with a pastor in Liberia. That relationship has developed into a non-profit organization called One Body One Hope. Through One Body One Hope we coordinate humanitarian aid and food relief as well as run a child sponsorship program for the 51 kids in the orphanage. We’re still looking for a few more sponsors if anyone would like to get involved!
Thank you so much for this fun opportunity! It’s been a lot of fun joining you at Portrait of a Writer… Interrupted.
Thank you! You’re an inspiration to writing moms and one lucky winner will get to read your book! So readers, comment away!
CONTEST CLOSED: Congrats to Bev *froggieb* @ ribbit-ribbit.blogspot.com
But what happens when she leaves?
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