The Gift of Friendship
Why are we drawn to what we can’t have and to the people who don’t want us? Why is it so easy for some to be a part of a group while others continue to stare from outside the circle longing to be in. I’ve struggled with this feeling ALL my life and it’s so hard to see my kids struggle with the same thing. I want desperately to help, but how can I when I don’t have the answers?
Friendship, true friendship is a gift. It can’t be bought for oneself and it shouldn’t be begged for. To be given something after prodding and begging seems to cheapen the value, lessen the friendship. Who wants a gift that was forced? I sure don’t. But it’s taken me YEARS to learn this lesson, and God’s been speaking to me of late, whispering a simple truth for my life that sounds something like this “don’t chase after friendships that I have not given you.”
I don’t understand why some people are drawn to each other and others are not. I don’t understand why I can easily rally people together but am often forgotten. I don’t understand why my children have to experience the same thing, but I do know that Jesus understands because he’s walked the same, lonely path. He didn’t conform to this world and wasn’t invited to the “happening” parties either.
The only thing I do understand is that God has given me a heightened sense, an awareness of those who feel the same way. I notice the outsider at writing conferences desperately wanting to belong to that inner circle. I notice the insecure child not sure how to fit in. I notice the quiet one in a crowd. Because I have been there and in many ways, I’m still there. And often times I feel God wants me to reach out to them. And many times I do.
Do I still long to be a part of the in-crowd? Do I still feel left out when I hear of others getting together when I sit home alone? Does my heart still ache for my children who are often left out? Yes, yes, and yes. But I know that friendship is a gift and instead of looking for it, I’m asking God to give it to me, to my children. And those he’s sent my way in the last couple of years, months, those whom he hand picked for me are priceless. Though they are not many, I wouldn’t trade them because they have given me a gift. The gift of true friendship.
What about you? Do you chase after things, people that are not yours? And how can you use your longer to reach out to others?
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Your post brought tears to my eyes. And I sould say- I don’t cry
I should be going to bed but I wanted to sneak a post in for Friday and I spotted this.
I’m honored to be a part of that small group. Hopefully a blessing more often than a pain. Though I know I can be the latter.
I’m not as introverted as you so reading your post is also helpful as I try to learn how to relate to those who don’t posess natural confidence.
Thank you Gina. I love you. Famous or no. Critiques or no. Blog queen or no. You are right these things can’t be explained. God works in mysterious ways. Thank the Lord I didn’t see it comin’ cause I’d have missed the whole gig.
Jessie
February 4th, 2010 at 11:52 pmBeautiful article. You read my heart. I often wonder why God gives the gift of friendship to some but not to others. It’s a mystery that I do not understand, but, at the same time, I thank Him for the freedom to spend so much time with my kids.
February 4th, 2010 at 11:59 pmI was homeschooled all of my schooling years and when I was 13 my parents began homechurching, too. From ages 15 until 21 I really didn’t have any friends close to my own age. The Lord gave me many wonderful penpals, most of whom I am still in contact with 11 years later, but that is still not the same as face-to-face interactions with people who know your heart, can read your body language, and want to be with you. I used to wonder if I would ever have the kind of friends that other people had… I prayed sometimes for one good friend. Just one.
I don’t know why the Lord allowed those years of not having friends, but I know they were for a purpose. I stayed very close to my family and close to the Lord. I am in awe now that He has blessed me so tremendously with the friends who are currently in my life. I have girlfriends my same age who love to get together for good uplifting fun, older ladies who desire to mentor me, and all the men in my life treat me with purity and respect. There are youngsters who love me as friend and teacher and I am simply surrounded by love that comes from God. It is a gift. The Lord has also taught me a lot about myself in these years that I’ve had these blessings. All I can say is that it is an undeserved gift, a grace from God that is here for this season. I don’t take it for granted and I don’t assume that it will always be this way — I’ve had two good friends move away in the past 7 months, leaving a hole in my circle. I’m thankful for these people and this time.
God has given you a gift, too, Gina. He has purposes for you and the way He has made you. Keep trusting Him… His roads are not easy but they are best.
February 5th, 2010 at 10:42 amThird attempt to submit. This is why I hate blogs but still try at times to touch base.
February 14th, 2010 at 4:30 pmHead on. I just went through a lot after losing my Mother because an author friend of mine, thought I could be friends with someone else who wrote her. All I have experienced from that is judgment and criticism. I have tried to get to know her but after my Mother’s funeral the things she said hurt too badly. So I let the friendship go.
The best friend I have is still a miracle as God put us together and she had been there through so much with me and she remains true as a friend.
A true friend loves you for you and expects nothing else.
I seem to stand on the outside looking in more than being a part. I used to feel it was because as a child I was never allowed to socialize with others.