I’m more like Grace than I’d like to admit!

She’s an adorable, rambunctious, high-energy, intelligent, limit-pushing girl who’d never think twice about scaling a metal pole in a dress. That’s why I make her wear shorts all the time.

My mom would often tell me she’d have to pull me from the chandeliers. I’m not sure if that was just an expression, but watching my daughter, I’m sure it’s not much of an exaggeration.

The other day she told me “Mommy, in my dream I tell the people I’m dreaming!”

I said, “When I was little I used to do the same thing.”

“You did?”

“Yes,” I said. “Even when I was being chased by monsters I’d stopped and look at them and say ‘You can’t hurt me it’s just a dream.’”

Grace looked in awe.

When I look at my outgoing, spunky, independent, adorable little girl, I often wonder what she’s going to be like when she grows up. If I was so much like her, then when did I turn into an insecure, shy child?

I think I know the answer. Probably when my parents’ divorced. I’m always amazed when people look at the children of divorced parents and claim they’re doing fine. I don’t think they’re doing fine. They may get straight A’s like I did, have good morals, like I did, stay out of trouble, like I did…but I don’t think they’re okay.

I think there’s a huge hole in their heart. I think there’s a part of them that cries at night and is frustrated with always having to split the holidays between two parents. I think there’s a part of them that hates having to choose between their parents, and it’s a lie to think you don’t. You do. I still have to choose who to visit for how long and what holidays to spend with them. It’s a royal pain in the butt and something I NEVER wish to inflict upon my children.

I’m not sure where this post has migrated to, but it makes me wonder what I would be like today if my parents had modeled a healthy relationship?

I know I would probably be a healthier parent and have a healthier marriage. My daughter is a lot like me, but I pray she never ends up like me. I pray that she takes all her God given potential and energy and never hides it under a bushel or questions her self-worth.

When she grows up, I pray she’s develops into the person God has created her to be!

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 Do you remember that I LOVE LUCY episode where Lucy feels like she hasn’t a friend in the world? I can’t remember what caused her to feel this way, probably a spat with Ethel, but I can see it so cleary. Lucy slumped on a park bench, feeling sorry for herself. Then someone comes a long. Talks about being friendless. Lucy can relate. She gets excited. There’s a big drum beating, and lots of people singing, “We are friends of the friendless, yes we are, yes we are…and we travel near and far…” Lucy realized she wasn’t friendless anymore, and though I can’t remember how it ended, Lucy and Ethel reconciled.

I’m feeling a little bit like Lucy…like there’s growing distance between me and my real life friend.

It’s sad to say, but I don’t really have many close real life friends. Since we switched churches a couple years ago, the women in my community group never see each other any more. I thought I had a couple of good friends in that group but life gets busy, and they’re farther away in distance and friendship. I’ve made a couple of attempts over the years, calling to go out or get the boys together, but it gets very tiresome having to do all the work and never have anyone call you to plan something or go out.

It was like that in high school. I was the planner, the one who rallied my friends together and they all took part in what I had planned, but did anyone ever plan anything and invite me? Rarely. And it gets tiresome and lonely to live life this way. I know it’s in my personality to be the leader, but even leaders need to follow sometimes. Leaders need to know that they’re wanted and matter.

I’ve grown close to my real life friend over the last year especially since we were homeschooling together. Two years ago her son was in school, and I homeschooled. Next year she’s homeschooling, and my boys will be in school. I sense a drifting apart especially this summer. She’s been super busy with moving into a new house, and endless visitors and fires to put out this summer, and we’ve been gone half the summer on vacation, but I feel neglected, and I don’t want to become bitter over it.

Several times this summer we’ve planned to do something and then last minute she’s canceled, many times without an explanation. I love my friend dearly. I know this is part of her personality, and in her laid-back mind it probably wasn’t a plan, but it just makes me feel unimportant and rejected. She’s obviously making time for others, why not me?

Maybe it’s because she attracts those people in crisis. They just flock to her door, pushing out room for me because she can’t say no to their needs. Maybe it’s because she’s secure in our friendship and knows I’ll always be there. Which I will be. Maybe she doesn’t know how deeply hurt I feel everytime there’s a reason for her not being able to get together.

I know in the grand scheme of things this is really silly to fret over, but it seems to be the recoccuring theme of my life. I’m really tired of this rerun. Sure, Jesus will always be there for me, maybe that’s what this is about. To draw me closer to Him. Which would not be such a bad thing.

Still, there’s nothing like a fresh and blood friend!

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If home is where your heart is, then I guess I’m a nomad.

Going home to NY is always like entering a time warp. Technically I’ve lived away more than I’ve lived there, but when I return I feel fifteen again. My grandma no longer lives down stairs and it’s obvious by the growing nieces and cousins that times have changed, but on the inside I feel the same things I felt when I was living there.

Home is very comfortable in a homey, familiar way, but it is still very dysfunctional, yet not as much as it was. Still it’s home. A place where people know me and love me and though I haven’t seen some relatives and friends in years, when I go back it’s like I never left.

My childhood home is a place where people look up to me as “perfect” (LOL) and where to onlookers, I may seem perfect. But I’m not. I never was. I just was a little more moral, disciplined, driven and convicted than those in my family.

But it’s so nice to go home to MY home. My adult home. To not be a daughter and to do things MY way again. Yet my home is different, sometimes not as comfortable and familiar as the home of my youth. I feel more reserved and hidden in my adult home.

Though I get to do things my way, I have more to do. More responsibility. My husband says I laugh more with my extended family. I dont’ have as many friends who really know me like my family does. Maybe I’m trying to hide myself from them. Around my Evangelical Christian friends I feel so imperfect. I’m always striving to be as good as they are, and I never measure up.

Sometimes I wish there was a middle of the road, a home between my past and my present where I can feel comfortable, let down my hair and not worry about stepping on toes, or doing something wrong. A  home where I laugh more and do less. A home filled with unconditional love.

I doubt any such home exists here on earth.  But thankfully, I’m a nomad and will one day make my home in heaven!!!

There’s no place like home!

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1. Go back to first or early post. How would you describe your voice back in those early days?Who were you writing to? What was your sense of audience (if any) back then?
My voice was somber! I had just given up writing for a season, trying to obey God in the process and seek His will to put me back on the straight and narrow. My posts were filled with longing and pain for what I couldn’t have and longing and desire for more of God. If you don’t believe me. Check out my sidebar and find my Debut Post!

I miss the old vulnerable tone of Portrait, but I have so  much peace about my writing and where God is taking it. I have no idea, but know that He’s in control and I’m no longer in a rush!The posts now-a-days seem somewhat shallow at times and focused on life as usual and the business side of trying to get published. I hope to get back to a place of vulnerability and longing in my posts!

2. Do you remember when you received your first comment?

I remember my very FIRST blogging comment on a previous blog. It was from a friend who first introduced me to blogging. The didn’t remember the first comment on this blog, but I did remember what they were about. Friends encouraging me in my journey of balancing writing and family. I am blessed to have so many great supportive friends, especially in cyber space!

3. Can you point to a stage where you began to feel that your blog might be part of a conversation? Where you might be part of a larger community of interacting writers?

Not yet! Though I know there’s a small group out there. I long to bring people together into community. That’s why I started Writer…Interrupted and I did find some wonderful like minded friends there. But here at Portrait, there’s not a recurring dialogue going on. Though I have several faithful friends and readers!
I’ve tried with my own strength to make it happen. To be a Beck, Shannon, Katherine or Jennifer, but it’s not meant to be, and that’s okay. I’m more of a small group kind of person anyway! I’m happy to share my heart with one or ten. Though I do wish more people would comment if they’re reading. I won’t bite, I promise!

4. Do you think that this sense of audience or community might have affected the way you began to write?

Before I began blogging I labored over what type of blog to have. I just didn’t want to be another voice in a sea of hundreds. I wanted my blog to have purpose. And I know I found it. I wouldn’t classify my blog as just a mommy blog, or Christian blog, though I do share those aspects of my life. But it does have a definite purpose, speaking to those in this same season of life, trying to use my gifts and talents to glorify God and do what I know He has called me to do and at the same time raise a family.

So I think I’ve never really written to my readers, but my readers come because of what I write!

And here’s one question for you who are still reading. When did you start reading Portrait and why do you keep coming back?

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HOMESCHOOL REFLECTIONS

As this year of homeschooling comes to an end, I thought it would be fun and interesting to take a trip down memory lane. So I’ll be posting a series of homeschool posts from my past (old dead blog) and reflecting on what I’ve written and if things have really changed every Thursday. It should be an educating journey.

April 2004
Even though my kids are still in the first and 3rd grade, I’m doing alot of research on curriculum and books for next year. This is what I have decided so far… I reserve the right to change my mind at any time! I went to a local book drive and got four boxes of bookd for free. So for this first year my decsions for science and history are based on what I was able to get for FREE.

Saxon Math 65 & 43
Easy Grammar/Plus
Spelling Power
A Combo of Rod & Staff and ABeka Science.
History: BJU… I’m still looking for some good Ancient History books
Latin: undecided curriculum but very easy for a 2nd and 4th grader to comprehend.
Konos Character studies… obedience, patience, orderliness, attentiveness ( I will cover many of these over the summer and then review in fall)

Books to read:
20,000 Leagues Under the Sea by Jules Verne (Treasury of Illustrated Classics)
Moby Dick by Herman Melville (TIC)
Avalanche by Ron Roy
Swiss Family Robinson by Johann David Wyss (Abridged)
The Sign of the Beaver by Elizabeth George Speare
The Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
The Trumpet Swan by E.B. Whit
Helen Keller

I’ll be doing a Civil War unit Charley Skedaddle by Patricia Beatty and Behind Rebel Lines are books used in this study. Other Civil War books we will read are:

Across Five Aprils by Irene Hunt (Newberry Medal)

Bull Run by Paul Fleishman

Other books we own and may read this year are: (TIC)

Call of the Wild by Jack London (we also have the movie)

Robinson Crusoe By Daniel Defoe

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain

Well those of my plans so far. But as we all know, “The best laid plans of mice and Men often go ary.”

Needless to say, I was an eager beaver. Though we stayed on track with Saxon Math (though it took my oldest over a year to complete 6/5) we never got around to Spelling Power.

We tried and ditched Latin, Konos, and wasn’t quite thorough with ABeka science, though I did hit science heavily the first year and then backed off a bit on the second and third years. In fact, we hit history hard the first year also, but then again I was only homeschooling two kids.

We read a lot of the books, but never got around to the Civil War. In fact, we’re just hitting the Westward exspansion this summer. We traded off with Ancient History first semester and American History the second semester that’s why we’re a little behind in American History. Plus we hit the French and Indian War real hard, which I doubt the schools even touch on.

This summer we’ll be reading the Revolutionary War stories by Nancy Rue which will hopefully propell us into the Westward expansion and the Little House series. I just wish Grace was old enough to enjoy these stories!

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If you’ve been following my blog this week you’ll know the family is all in Orlando, doing Disney and hanging with my relatives who have NO Internet access. But it’s the first time we’ve done Disney without having to sit through one of those Time Share Tours. Oh, how I remember the last time sooo well! It was actually a pleasant experience! There’s always a first time for everything!

Our original sales guy called that morning and said he couldn’t make it so we prayed for a good salesman who would see we really weren’t candidates for time share and move on quickly. God answers prayers!

We arrived on time for our time share appointment even though it was at 7:30am. We got our breakfast and sat down with a nice middle-aged lady. We couldn’t have gotten a better sales person because while doing our profile she realized we were great candidates…but not at this time. So she didn’t try and close the sale, and she didn’t even take us on one of the tours…we’ve already seen them all before. She just had to sign off with her manager…who tried to sell us some smaller package. We declined. We were grateful to get out of there so quickly and with relatively little pain. Thinking back on the whole time share thing…it would be a great place to stay if you had some down time. But to do Disney like we do, a hotel would have been fine. I’ll have to make a mental note of that for next time.

We headed out to MGM. It was a beautiful sunny day. Our first stop was at the Star Wars Tour. Dh and I did the baby swap thing and the boys got to ride it twice. It was a virtual reality ride where you don’t go any where, but it looks like you’re flying a space craft. We were hoping to see some Star Wars characters, but they weren’t there. We did get some great pictures though.

Then we headed to main street where we heard the Power Rangers were going to sign autographs. Timmy (5) was a little shy and I had to force Chris (10) and Joey (8) into the line. But we got good pictures and they seemed to enjoy it. Timmy ended up taking a picture with one of the rangers. We also saw Jessie from toy story and Buzz Lightyear.

Next we went to the Indian Jones Stunt show, one of my favorite, but the noise was too loud and Grace (3) hates loud noises and started to cry. So I volunteered to leave. Oh well, at least I got the chance to see the spike’s shoot up out of the ground and the big boulder rolling after the guy. We left the arena, but she could still hear the noise. We made our way to where the characters were and we got in line to see Lilo and Stitch. Grace loves to watch the video, but she got real shy when it came time to take the photo. So I got someone to take a picture of me holding Grace who was crying.

We met up with the boys and did some layed back stuff like the Muppet 3D show and Honey I shrunk the Kids play ground. Then the boys went to a couple more stunt shows and back lot tours and I took Grace to see Beauty and the Beast.

Along the way we took pictures with Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck. We met for lunch at the Sci-Fi indoor dinner. It was set up like a drive in and we ate in cars. After a frustrating time getting the kids to be happy with their seat arrangements, we ate while watching clips from old movies. Not the greatest movie clips…return of the 80 foot woman and revenge of the mummy type stuff mixed in with cartoons. We sang happy birthday to Timmy and he got a yummy desert. We told the boys that they wouldn’t get big parties this year, but we’d celebrate their birthdays at Disney World. After we ate we rushed to the parade, but we were in the back row and couldn’t see well.

We couldn’t make it to all the shows we wanted to, but we did get to see the Incredibles…my boys loved that. When the boys were gone on a LOUD ride, I took Grace to the Great Movie Ride… the books said it was a must see. I prayed it wouldn’t be scary. We waited for over 30 minutes…the most we had waited all day and then we started the ride. The first scene we drove through was from a shoot it out movie…Grace got scared and cupped her hands over her ears. I told her to hide and she squatted down on the floor. She didn’t cry or anything, thank you God…we also came upon the Wicked Witch from the Wizard of Oz and when we drove through the alien set…I huddled over her so she wouldn’t see the alien. There was no way off the ride, and we both made the best of it. She wasn’t scared…she was just hiding as she said…

Oh my gosh, I can’t remember what she said, and I guess I failed to write it down right after it happened. Talk about a cliff hanger. Let’s turn this into something fun, like finish that line. What do you think Grace said???

Later Grace and I met up with the big boys at the Rocking Rollercoaster. I volunteered to go on the ride which went from 0-60 in 3 seconds. Talk about leaving your heart at the boarding gate. For thrill seekers, that was a thrilling ride, but once was enough for me. I let DH take the boys again while I waited with Timmy and Grace and watched them dance and jump and run and love on each other while we waited. I was a proud mommy and we had a really fun day!

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After the Jungle Cruise we then headed to Fantasy Land where we ran to get pictures with Ariel at her grotto. They said the line was a 45 min. wait, so I took the three youngest ones and we went to see if we could ride Dumbo. But the line was too long so we opted for the carosel. I communicated via walkie talkie’s, finding out when I needed to return to Ariel. Grace (3) was a little shy, but she posed for pictures with Ariel and the boys were great sports. Ariel was really great engaging Grace in conversation and the pictures turned out great.

We then rode on Peter Pan and It’s a Small World. All the kids were mesmerized in It’s a Small World. Timmy (5) especially enjoyed it since he just finished a recital where he sang the song. When we entered the White room with all the kids from all over the world, Joey (8) says, “Look, it’s heaven!” And he was right! It did look like heaven. You have to wonder if that’s what Walt was thinking of when he designed it. I glanced over at DH and noticed his eyes closed and he was propping up his head with his hand. Poor guy! He had to be exhausted from all the driving, or maybe it was just too much dramamine.

Before heading over to the Parade, we stopped by Snow Whites ride. Grace had been watching it for a while and didn’t get scared of the movie. If something scares her she says she , “closes her eyes.” Well, Timmy had to use the bathroom and we got in line, but he didn’t get back in time. I new there would probably be trouble and later on he did get sad, “You went without me.” But he got over it quickly, there was so much more fun things to help him forget.

We waited in line for the parade and got a good spot right in front of Cinderella’s Castle. The heat was really intense by now and we got our traditional ice cream snack while we waited. I wanted to get a spray fan (we usually take our own from home, but forgot). I told myself I’d pay no more than $10 and when they said $17, I choose to endure the heat!!! Grace was enchanted by the characters in the parade, smiling and pointing as they passed by. She finally got to se “Cindalella”, but my camera died and I couldn’t get any pictures of her. I thought maybe the camera was over heated, but it turned out to be the batteries died.

After the parade, Grace, Timmy and I went to hear a story with Beauty while the big kids went to Tomorrow Land. After the story, we searched for them in Tomorrow Land. I called using the Walkie Talkie, but figured they were in a ride. While we were waiting for them, I found my disposable camera and snapped some pictures with Stitch and Buzz Lightyear. Grace, Timmy and I went on the Buzz Light Year ride. Timmy really loved shooting all the targets and we went on it again. We tried the boys again and finally found them.

I ran off with the big boys to Space Mountain, while DH took the little ones on Buzz again. Absolutely no lines at Space Mountain, even though we used a Fast Pass, we didn’t need to.

After Space Mountain, DH took the Grace on Buzz again and I went to the Stitch ride with the boys . It was an interesting ride, if that’s what you want to call it. It wasn’t a ride at all. You walk into a room and sit in a chair where a saftey harness comes down and rests on your shoulder. I got nervous when it came down on Timmy because he’s so little and I didn’t know if it was going to fit him right. Well, to sum it up. Stitch gets loose and spits water, belches a nasty smell in your ears and tickles your shoulders. Then he belches again. Once was really enough. A definite fun time for the boys.

When we got out of Stitch it started to down pour. Luckily we had our ponchoes. We decided to eat at the Alien place and after that DH took the boys on Buzz again, I braved the rain and ran to see Minnie Mouses House to take a picture with Mickey. It was a wet trek and I had to leave the stroller in the rain, but Grace was warm and dry under the poncho and there was no line to see Mickey. My camera had started working again, but when it was time to snap a picture it died. Luckily I had my video camera and before I knew a Disney employee came in and snapped a couple of pictures for me and handed me a card. Now how did they know my camera died. I guess it’s Disney Magic. Well, I knew the picture would be expensive, so if I could get another picture at MGM with Mickey I wouldn’t need to buy this one.

The rain let up and we went home exhausted. We didn’t stay to see the fireworks. We figured there wouldn’t be any because of the rain. Besides we had to wake up early the next day to do one of those Time share tours…

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Day 3 Magic Kingdom Part 1

I woke up early and TRIED to get the kids ready, but we had some sleepy heads. Finally we made it out the door, got the tickets and rushed to the Magic Kingdom, arriving only a couple minutes late for our breakfast. We saw Tigger first thing. Chris (10) was too cool to care while Joey (8) and Timmy (5) willingly posed for pictures, Grace (3) was a little shy, but soon warmed up to the characters.

I bought dollar store small notebooks for the boys to use as autograph books. I knew they’d be way cheaper than the Disney ones and my boys wouldn’t really care either way. For Grace I bought a pink princess diary at Wal-Mart to use as an autograph book, but I left it at the hotel. The boys had a great time getting Eyeore, Tigger, Pooh and Piglet’s autograph, while Grace (3) was shy about taking pictures. But at least she didn’t cry and scream like some kids do. When Chris was 2 years old he was the most outgoing with the characters and ran up to them with big open arms, wanting hugs from everyone. The other two weren’t as animated in their enthusiasm, but weren’t afraid either.

Chris (10) was in breakfast buffet heaven, hardly noticing the characters as they came by. I had to pull him away from his food when Pooh and friends paraded around the dining room. Then Timmy (5) got into the fun and wanted to give Pooh a bowl of “Hunny” aka pancake syrup. I don’t know whose idea it was, but I encouraged him and tried to get a photo of him handing it to Pooh. Don’t think I snapped it in time.

The weather was beautiful, perfect to be exact and there were no lines. I think we only used the Fast Pass a couple of times. After breakfast we turned left toward Adventure Land. Last time we went to WDW the Aladdin’s Flying Carpets weren’t running, this time they were and we all jumped on for a magic carpet ride while DH took pictures. He’s not a big fan of things that go round and round. Grace really enjoyed the ride. We went up and down and back and forth while trying to dodge “camel spit.”e’s He

Next, we headed for the Pirates of the Caribbean. Last time, Timmy was too scared so we tried to coax him into going. But the closer we got the more scared he got. I think it was the music. So while I took the big boys (last time DH got to go), DH stayed back with the little ones. The only really eerie part about the Pirates was the very beginning, so next time I’ll try to convince Timmy to go and close his eyes until the skeletons pass. He’s been on similar rides at other theme parks, and he loved it.

We got a Fast Pass for The Jungle Cruise and headed toward Splash Mountain, but Timmy didn’t want to get wet. We really tried to get him on that ride, but he was stubborn. I didn’t care for getting wet that earlier either so I stayed behind. One thing I’m glad we bought early on was the walkie talkies, it helped us locate each other after the ride was over. Then the boys and I headed to Thunder Mountain. Timmy (5) was reluctant to go on, but we assured him he wouldn’t get wet and it wasn’t scary. He was still a little scared as we walked up, but once the ride got going he said, “This is just like the video” and I think he really enjoyed the ride. I sat close to him and held him tight around every curve, screaming and having fun! When we got off the big boys wanted to go on again, but Timmy didn’t want to so I sent DH (he had taken his Dramamine by now) and I stayed with Timmy and Grace. They chased the ducks and I tried to keep Grace from going into the river.

Next we went on Tom Sawyer’s Island. Something I wanted to do really quickly because we had to get back to Jungle Cruise. To me, there was nothing exciting about the island we haven’t seen somewhere else, but Chris insisted so I obliged. He liked the fort and the guns. But I rushed them through it…and on to Jungle Cruise. We only waited a short time, maybe ten minutes the most, before we boarded the boat. I remember when I was six waiting in lines for hours and hours. One year I took the kids to Disney in August because DH had a company trip, but I will never do that again. The tickets are too expensive to waste your time waiting in line. My kids don’t know what it feels like to wait hours for just one ride and they even get to ride their favorite ones several times in a row.

The Jungle Cruise is always my favorite for little ones. There is so much to see and the one liners from the boat driver are entertaining, though stale over the years. We were the last ones in the boat, but got a good view near the doorway. The kids got to see everything, even the big water fall which I didn’t remember getting wet from last time. But with camera in had and sitting in the only spot without a covering over head, Chris and I got drenched. It caught me off guard and despite my camera (which suffered no damage) the soaking was quite refreshing. The Florida sun had intensified and I was needing to cool off.

After the Jungle Cruise, Chris got disciplined, probably for “doing his own thing” and walking ahead of us, or for parenting. So he didn’t get to ride the next ride. It was going to be the tree house which he had never climbed before and REALLY wanted to do, so I said let’s do the magic carpet ride once more and he missed that instead.

Grace and I waited while the boys climbed… another thing I think everyone should skip if pressed for time. Then we waited inline to see Jasmine, Genie and Aladdin. They were very fun and animated and Princess Jasmine knelt down to draw shy Grace close. She hugged her and whispered to her while Grace turned her head away, but listened and stayed. We also saw Rafiki and Timon as well as Pocahontas or “hocanana” as Grace calls her. Even though Grace didn’t know these characters she followed her brothers and stood in line for pictures. Hey, isn’t that one of the reason we parents love Disney…for the pictures.

Stay tuned for Magic Kingdom part 2 tomorrow!

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A few weeks ago I wrote an email to my dad sharing my real feelings about certain promises he’s made and never followed through with recently and over the years. The story is long, and I won’t bore you with the details, but I will say that my father left our family when I was 6, was a loving weekend dad, but someone I really didn’t get to know.

After writing this very honest and candid email, we spoke on the phone, and he revealed to me that he finally admitted he was an alcoholic. I was a little shocked because I never really new it or saw it, but the good news is that he’s acknowledged this and is working the program. My email came at a great time because it got things out in the open and tied in with what God is already doing in his heart. So things are good and getting better.

I’ve always thought I’d let go of my bitterness, but sometimes old hurts sneak up on you and you have know way of controlling them. I don’t know what I need from my dad, only God does. So I guess I’ll leave it up to Him to work the rest out.

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As a child of about ten years old, one of my favorite things about Christmas was going Christmas Caroling on Christmas Eve. Along with the neighbors, we’d bundle up in our winter coats and take our candles with tinfoil holders, caroling music sometimes tucked under our arms. Then the five or six us us would trek out while it was still light and start knocking.

When the door opened we burst into an off key tune, singing our Christmas hearts out in hopes of blessing others and getting a little monetary blessing ourselves.

I remember one year standing out in the cold and singing, only to be asked inside to sing to a huge table full of Christmas celebrators. Though extremely nervous, we belted out our song and basked in the glow of applause.

As we went house to house, year after year, we had our fair share of thrills. One year one of our tinfoil candle holder caught on fire! What a finale to our Christmas carols that was and we still ended up getting a little money for our efforts.

I’m sure getting money was part of the motivation to go door to door, but so was bringing joy to others. In fact, one year all of us donated our money (or at least half of it…my memory is fading in this area) to the church.

Over the years I’ve often wanted to go caroling with my children in our neighborhood, but I’m not sure if we’d be accepted. Have times changed that much? Maybe I have changed and have lost my gene for adventure. Though my kids are almost old enough to start out on their own. I hope one day the idea will catch on and they will pick up the tradition I started almost 30 years ago.

And next time you hear the off key melody of Silent Night pounding through your front door, please open it with a smile and invite the carolers in. Oh, and don’t forget to slip them a five and Merry Christmas on the way out!

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My mom’s been saying for years that she’ll write down or record everything she can remember about her life and my grandparents. Well, for my birthday this year I asked for my story to be written. Though basically a routine birth back in the late sixties, here it is word for word, though I did have to change the spelling of quite a few words!;) By the way, I was the first born!

At approximately 11:30 A,M I received my first labor pain. In those days I was very brave on the outside, but scared to death on the inside. I handled pain with a great deal of silence.

I called your father at work and he called your grandmother Juliet. She came over immediately. She and your grandfather were very caring people. When your father came home we left for the hospital which was a half hour away.

Remembering back I was afraid I wouldn’t make it. The pains were becoming more intense. In those days people were not allowed in the delivery room so your father brought a book to read. There was a delivery room and a labor room. They shaved you and gave you an enema which was the most painful thing I ever had.

Back tracking a little, while I was going to the labor room with Dr. Brander ( who I had a crush on), there were woman in labor who was screaming. There was one thing on my mind and it was get this child OUT!

After the enema they wanted you to wait for at least a few minutes before releasing. Well that was out of the question. They left me alone I couldn’t take the pain so I went to the bathroom by myself. My water didn’t brake so they had to brake it,which had to be done while you had a contraction OOOOH NOOOO! PAIN!

Dr Brander kept asking me if I wanted ether. I kept asking “is the pain going to be worse,” he didn’t answer me so for the last two minutes, I said yes. Then you were born about 7 pm. I remember every one was there to see me because it was visiting hours. The rest is history.

Thanks mom!

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I just came up with a fun new game. I’m going to list a bunch of things I have done(or have) in my life time. If you have done them also, BOLD them, post them on your site with a link back to the original post, or send it in an email, and the leave a comment. The person with the MOST bolds wins a free book.

Born in the 60’s
One younger sister
Growing up my sister was my polar opposite. Prodigal vs. Other Brother.
I was the other brother
I beat up a boy when I was in gradeschool
I lived up in N.Y.
My parents divorced when I was little
I wrote poetry in history class
I was on the volleyball team in Jr. High
I was on the softball team in Jr. High/High school
I wrote for my Highschool paper
I was the sports editor of ny Highschool paper
I tried out for cheerleading
I didn’t make the cheerleading squad
I made the dance squad
I played the clarinet in gradeschool
I was nominated for homecoming Queen
I lost to my good friend
I was in my high school plays
I took dance lessons when I was 16
I totaled my mom’s car while I had my learners permit
I turned 18 in college
I turned 21 in Nigeria
I studied telecommunications and journalism
I went to school out of states FAR from home
I wrote for my college Newspaper
I became News Editor
I wrote for the year book
I was the social chairman for my floor
I performed a rap song I wrote in front of the Christian group The Imperials.
I had big hair
I still do (but not as big)
I spent 6 months in Africa
Several Africans proposed marriage, I refused
I was on stage with T.L. Osborn and Benson Idahosa for their miracle crusade in Africa.
I scuba dived in Mexico
I scuba dived in Hawaii
I’ve been to Disney World many times
I love the ocean/beach
I can speak Italian
I spend 6 weeks in Italy
I got to meet my penpal in real life
I have four kids
I have brown hair
I have brown eyes
I have a laptop
I scrapbook
I am way behind in scrapbooking
I rode in a hot air balloon
I get motion sickness easily
I have a half sister
I have a half brother
I have lived in Ohio
I have lived in Washington State
I have lived in Idaho
I have lived in Utah
I have traveled to or through most of the US except the northern most states.
I’ve vacationed in Whistler, CA
I’m a horrible skier
I’ve vacationed in Maui
I’ve vacationed in Cancun
My favorite color is red
I’m reading “Watching the Tree Limbs” right now
In college I only had one roommate
We’re still great friends
I’m a sucker for a good musical
and for Little House on the Praire reruns
I cried when Frosty the Snow man died when I was little
I didn’t own my first car until after I graduated from college
I waited tables straight out of college
I’ve worked with troubled kids in a residential treatment center
I sold knives door to door
I sold books door to door
I sold stataionary door to door when I was a kid so I could get cool prizes
My husband is in sales
I hate sales!
I’m running out of interesting things, so for the sake of hoping everyone who reads this can bold this… I’m a blogger!!!

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“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”~ C.S. Lewis ~

As a child, I never seemed to fit in. At home I was the Dudley Do-Right of the family who had a higher standard of conduct and sense of justice than others in the family. I distinctly remember getting upset at the age of 8 or 9 when my older cousin told me she stole some decorative soap from a store. It was a little thing in her eyes, but a huge wrong doing in mine.

At school, I was the only one with divorced parents. I was shy and insecure. It was so hard for me to join in a conversation in the lunch room. I remember sitting with the popular girls, listening to their stories, hoping for something intelligent or funny to share. And when I did get up the nerve to speak, I felt like no one was really listening to me or truly cared. I don’t know if that was true or my own perception, but I think it was a little of both.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
~ C.S. Lewis ~

This quote really speaks to me because even as an adult I still find it hard to fit in. Then a couple of years ago I finally found where I belong. I found a group of people that understand me completely. People I feel comfortable and confident enough around to be myself.

They’re those who call themselves writers.

It feels so good to identify with others who know what I’m going through as a writer, trying to raise my family. To have someone actually “get me” is refreshing. Even my own husband doesn’t quite understand the “writing thing.”

But that’s okay. I now have friends who do.

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100 things you probably don’t care to know about me. Okay, here’s the trick. How to give the info. without revealing too much.

1. I grew up in NY
2. Not NYC or Up State
3. I’m full blooded Italian
4. Didn’t really enjoy my childhood
5. I wrote poems and sang songs to Jesus when I was sad or lonely
6. Moved West to go to a Christian College
7. Lived here in the mid-west longer than I did in NY
8. Lived in an apartment over my grandma’s house growing up.
9. Once I slept walked to my grandma’s bed.
10. As a child I dreamt about standing up to the monsters chasing me and often told them “It’s just a dream.”
11. Parents separated when I was six
12. Always loved to write and kept many journals
13. I still have my first diary
14. Which is filled with mean things my sister did to me.
15. Had a cat named Gizmo growing up
16. Named him after the movie, Gremlins.
17. Called him Gizzy for short
18. Started writing for the school paper in high school
19. Was in school musicals as a background dancer/singer
20. Growing up I wanted to be a child actress
21. a gymnast
22. an artist
23. a writer
24. I wrote fan letters to teen heart throbs like Scott Baio, C. Thomas Howell, Ralph Macchio
25. No one ever wrote back
26. Had many pen pals
27. from Algeria, Africa
28. Bangladesh
29. Malaysia
30. Italy
31. Went to Italy when I was 15 and met my pen pal
32. Also saw the home where my grandma grew up
33. Shared Christ with my pen pals
34. Went on Missions in college to Nigeria for 6 weeks
35. Went the following summer again and stayed a semester for a total of 6 months
36. Received many marriage proposals in Africa
37. Refused them all
38. Preached in small villages across Nigeria
39. Married a man I never thought I would
40. Though I remember thinking at one time “He’s sure going to make someone a good husband.”
41. Never thought it’d be me.
42. We’ve been married 14 years
43. Had a big NY, Italian wedding in the middle of winter
44. Forgot to play the tarantella at my wedding
45. Took dance lessons before wedding, but it didn’t help hubby’s rhythm
46. I have four kids
47. 3 boys
48. 1 girl
49. My children are 1/2 Italian, 1/4 Irish, 1/4 German
50. 3 of them have blue/grey eyes
51. My brown eyed son was a toe head when he was little
52. 3 of my kids were blonde until 3 or 4 years old
53. I’m an introvert,
54. Choleric,
55. Melancholy
56. Who feels more comfortable behind the computer than in a big crowd
57. I’ve written over 300 articles for newspapers, magazines
58. Stopped counting at 300
59. Most of the articles were for high school, college papers and I never got paid for it
60. Started getting paid for writing about eight years ago
61. Stopped writing for local paying magazines several years ago to pursue fiction
62. I am unpublished in fiction
63. I have one published work for hire book, Reach for your Dreams, Graduate
64. One other coming out soon, a mom’s prayer devotion book.
65. I used to be a Creative Memories Consultant
66. Husband made me quit because I never made any money at it.
67. I don’t miss doing my taxes
68. but I’m running out of supplies
69. In one weekend crop I can put together 50 pages
70. I still need to do the journaling
71. My favorite vacation was to Maui
72. Flew in a helicopter, got nauseous
73. Road down the side of a volcano on a bike
74. On the van ride up, I got nauseous
75. Went scuba diving and got nauseous on the boat out to Molokai
76. Went whale watching and actually saw whales
77. Vacationed in Whistler, Canada for skiing
78. Finally learned how to get off the ski lift without falling
79. My favorite vacation spot is the beach
80. Took a 3 1/2 week driving vacation up the east coast last spring
81. It was a homeschool History tour
82. First stop Disney World
83. There’s a lot of history at Disney!!!!
83. Next stop, Jamestown, Virginia
84. Saw a real archeological dig
85. Next, Yorktown
86. Mt Vernon and saw where George Washington lived
87. Visited family in NY
88. Next, Plimoth, plantation
89. No, I didn’t spell it wrong
90. It has many different spellings
91. Saw Plymouth Rock
92. It was smaller than I imagined
93. Next, toured Philadelphia
94. Made my kids write a page about every where we visited
95. This will be my third year homeschooling
96. Sometimes days I think I’m insane
97. Others days, I can’t see not homeschooling
98. I love my family
99. I love my God
100. I love my Savior, Jesus Christ!

So there you have it! A little glimpse into my past and present. Hope it didn’t put you to sleep. If you’re still with me, how about letting me now what we have in common!

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