Found this written somewhere in my journal. Thought someone might be able to relate.

You see it all the time in books and movies, two kindred spirits. The deep intimate relationships between close friends that have seen each other at their best and worse, yet love and forgive each other anyway.

Subconciously, I think I’ve been searching all my life for this type of friendship. At times, I’ve tasted a little of what this relationship looks like, but inevitably things fall apart, close friends move away, or something happens in the friendship to put distance between us.

Looking back on my life and my lack of really close intimate friends, I’m beginning to wonder whether this type of relationship really exists, or if I’m just chasing a fairytale.

I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me who keeps driving these friends away.

It seems whenever I feel close enough to someone to really expose my heart, or safe enough in a relationship to bring up something that is standing between us (aka. bugging me) , it back fires. Instead of bringing us closer as friends, I somehow drive a wedge between us which is not my intention at all.

I’m starting to figure out that maybe I’m just too intense a person. Maybe even too needy. I’d rather deal with things that are bothering me in a relationship than just constantly gloss over them. I’m big on Grace and forgiveness in my relationships, but I don’t denying my feelings. I feel, forgive and go on. Once in a while I feel secure enough in a relationship to expose my heart and my true feelings. But maybe I’ve taken it a bit too far this time. Maybe some things aren’t meant to be shared or maybe my relationships are not as close as I thought them to be. At this point in my life, I’m clueless.

Whatever the case, the result is always the same. I seem to push people away instead of bringing us closer. I seem to bring hurt with my honest feelings, instead of healing. I seem to be harsh, when all I want to do is clear the air. I’ve been confronted on my “stuff” enough over the years. It hurts, but I get over it, learn, and move on. Should I expect others to do the same?

So what do you think? Do these relationships really exist? Should I just forget it and continue in the easy surfacy friendships that are fun and rewarding in their own ways?

If something is bothering me, should I just forgive and forget, even if it happens over and over again? Should I ignore my feelings, even if they get hurt and cause damage on my side of the relationship, and spare my friend’s feelings?

And last, do you desire this type of friendship and have you found it?

Sages of the internet, let your advice flow!

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I’m not yet home from conference (made a pitstop in Fort Worth for a couple of days) But I’m reposting this becasue I refuse to believe that NO ONE is lurking (no one commented on the original post several days ago). And really, I do want to get to know you, so if you’r reluctant to leave your REAL name, then make it up. No one will know. And as always, crazies need not respond…huh, maybe that’s why no one is commenting…

In the last couple of weeks I’ve been surprised by the number of new commenters on this blog! A hearty thank you to those who’ve come out of lurkdom because I could have sworn my readership was about five, now it’s a whopping eight!!

But seriously, most times I feel like I’m writing to the wind, which is fine with me. I am, therefore I write.

Right now I’m at the ACFW conference with limited email access, and would love to come home to a bunch of new friends. But I won’t get to know you unless you come out of lurkdom. And PULEEZ, this is not a call for all the weirdos to leave comments about alien life forms roaming the earth and such! All comments WILL be deleted!

Even if you don’t have a blog, introduce yourself. I promise, I won’t bite! Whether you’re a new friend or an old one, make your presence known by telling me:

• Your name and age
• Number and age range of your children
• Why you keep coming back (what subjects you like to read about)
• If you’re in an especially friendly mood, feel free to tell me about any new subjects that would peak your interest.
• And if you’re feeling particularly brave, jot down one thing you usually pass over on my blog!

I look forward to reading all the comments when I come back from the conference!

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Our family is hanging out with friends for a High School Musical 2 party! We’ve been planning on watching this for months, but had to find a friend who would invite us over since we don’t have cable. We’ve stocked up on junk food and are planning for a night filled with music and fun!

I think I’m more psyched than my kids, and I’ve been trying to figure out why. Aside from the fact that I’m a sixteen year old in a thirty-eight-year-old body who totally loved the first movie and adores musicals, when I was a child my secret dream was to be on television or in the movies, singing and dancing like the kids in HSM2. So when I watch them, it’s like living out my childhood fantasy.

What were you childhood dreams and have anyone of them come true?

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 Do you remember that I LOVE LUCY episode where Lucy feels like she hasn’t a friend in the world? I can’t remember what caused her to feel this way, probably a spat with Ethel, but I can see it so cleary. Lucy slumped on a park bench, feeling sorry for herself. Then someone comes a long. Talks about being friendless. Lucy can relate. She gets excited. There’s a big drum beating, and lots of people singing, “We are friends of the friendless, yes we are, yes we are…and we travel near and far…” Lucy realized she wasn’t friendless anymore, and though I can’t remember how it ended, Lucy and Ethel reconciled.

I’m feeling a little bit like Lucy…like there’s growing distance between me and my real life friend.

It’s sad to say, but I don’t really have many close real life friends. Since we switched churches a couple years ago, the women in my community group never see each other any more. I thought I had a couple of good friends in that group but life gets busy, and they’re farther away in distance and friendship. I’ve made a couple of attempts over the years, calling to go out or get the boys together, but it gets very tiresome having to do all the work and never have anyone call you to plan something or go out.

It was like that in high school. I was the planner, the one who rallied my friends together and they all took part in what I had planned, but did anyone ever plan anything and invite me? Rarely. And it gets tiresome and lonely to live life this way. I know it’s in my personality to be the leader, but even leaders need to follow sometimes. Leaders need to know that they’re wanted and matter.

I’ve grown close to my real life friend over the last year especially since we were homeschooling together. Two years ago her son was in school, and I homeschooled. Next year she’s homeschooling, and my boys will be in school. I sense a drifting apart especially this summer. She’s been super busy with moving into a new house, and endless visitors and fires to put out this summer, and we’ve been gone half the summer on vacation, but I feel neglected, and I don’t want to become bitter over it.

Several times this summer we’ve planned to do something and then last minute she’s canceled, many times without an explanation. I love my friend dearly. I know this is part of her personality, and in her laid-back mind it probably wasn’t a plan, but it just makes me feel unimportant and rejected. She’s obviously making time for others, why not me?

Maybe it’s because she attracts those people in crisis. They just flock to her door, pushing out room for me because she can’t say no to their needs. Maybe it’s because she’s secure in our friendship and knows I’ll always be there. Which I will be. Maybe she doesn’t know how deeply hurt I feel everytime there’s a reason for her not being able to get together.

I know in the grand scheme of things this is really silly to fret over, but it seems to be the recoccuring theme of my life. I’m really tired of this rerun. Sure, Jesus will always be there for me, maybe that’s what this is about. To draw me closer to Him. Which would not be such a bad thing.

Still, there’s nothing like a fresh and blood friend!

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And they’re always glad I came!!!

I’m making friends left and right! I’m telling you if you need a self-esteem boost, just join Shout Life, the Christian networking space. In just one day I’ve made of 34 “friends” and the requests keep coming, but don’t worry I’m not naive to know they all really want to be my friends. It’s a networking group! And I’m still learning the ropes!

Anyone on Shoutlife? Give me a shout!

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Just found a boat load of people I know on ShoutLife. So what’s up with that? Anyone want explain?

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Today we’re getting together with some friends to celebrate and remember the life of St. Patrick, patron saint to Ireland. Of course we will do some crafts, like making shamrocks. Did you know Patrick used the three leaf clover to explain the trinity? And probably learn a little about the history of leprechauns and Ireland, but my favorite part will be reading Patrick: Patron Saint of Ireland by Tomie DePaola. His is an amazing story of love , forgiveness, miracles and devotion to a people. If you’ve never heard the story or St. Patrick, (I didn’t until I had kids), make sure you do this year. You’ll be pleasantly surprised that St. Patrick has nothing to do with drinking beer and leprechauns, but has everything to do with the love of Christ!

For lunch we’re planning on eating like the Irish. Don’t know if the kids will like it, but we’re going all out, including green mac and cheese. (okay, that’s not really Irish, but it’ll be fun!)

Here’s a yummy Grilled Reuben Sandwich recipe we’ll be trying out for lunch.

2 slices of Rye Bread
1 Tbs Thousand Island Dressing
2 slices of swiss cheese
1/4 cup of sauerkraut, drained
2 slices of corned beef
1 Tbs of Miracle Whip

Of course I will try and make this as low fat as possible, by using fat free and probably cutting our the Miracle Whip.

For dinner tomorrow night, we’ll have our traditional cornbeef and cabbage meal, and Irish Soda bread. For more great recipes go to Kraft Foods.

We’ll be trying out a few and hopefully discovering some new favorite.

So what fun things do you have planned for St. Patrick’s Day?

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Kids are in be early, husband is working late at the office. I really should be plotting my cozy, or folding mounds of laundry, but instead I’m catching up on my blog reading. Learning new things about old friends and realizing I miss a lot of them and I’m wondering how in the world I can keep up with all the great people out there in the blogosphere…I can’t. But I’m bound and determined to drop in every once and a while and let them know I’m still there and still thinking of them.

How do you handle reading all the great blogs on the internet?

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My contest for most comments is still going on. How easy it is to win a bunch of FREE books! Just comment on any of the blog party posts!

And to make it easy for you to comment, let’s play a little game:

Use these five words (or derivatives) in a paragraph. And yes, it has to be a coherent paragraph.

Alert
Calculate
Ingenious
Protect
Crinkled

Any takers? I’ll give you double entries if you play along.

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Thanks to Heather for her know how and creativity on my blog header and webiste! Not only did she help transfer my look from blogger to Wordpress and add fun new headers, but she helped set up my faith blog, designed Writer…Interrupted, and is still working on my writing blog all with a hurt foot, sick kids (and being sick herself) as well as homeschooling and keeping up with her blogging.

I know my thanks is not enough and if I knew how to make a gratitiude button, I’d do it! But just wanted all my readers to know I couldn’t have done it without her! She’s a real blessing.

So why don’t you let her know here how much you like the new look!

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MomTeacherFriend was the closest to this contest and won her choice of

Troubled Waters by Rene Gutteridge (Women’s Fiction)

Dark Moon by ALton Gansky (Suspense)

NeXt Generation Parenting by Tricia Goyer (A fun and real look at Generation X parents)

Please email me your snail mail address and which book you want and I’ll send it out to you!

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Community Service

God wants us to reach out to people in need:

Today we took Susan, my old college friend, her favorite meal for her 40th birthday. The boys wrote a Jesus rap and put on a show for her. Then they did some magic tricks and we ate cake and sang happy birthday.
HAPPY 40th Susan!!!!

Science
That paper and plastic float!

Today Timmy and Grace spent the afternoon in their bathing suits in the bathtubs with homemade paper boats Joey made at McDonald’s happy meal boxes. Then after some errands, Grace decided to put a straw sail on a blow up boat and Timmy made a boat out of tape. He was so excited when he discover his boat made out of tape could float. Then he experimented with pieces of paper and that floated as well.

Home Economics

Cooking with kids doesn’t actually mean YOU to cook with kids!

I let my babysitter make cookies with the kids today, and I got to reap the yummy benefits, though I really shouldn’t have!

Procrastination and Concentration

That my oldest son can spend four hours in his room doing his school work and still not get everything done!

What I learned

That sometimes the best homeschool days are when you’re not really doing school at all! And my homeschool helper/babysitter gives me a much needed break! Thanks, Leah!

Wish I could have more days like this.

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“For we are unto God a sweet savour of Christ,
in them that are saved, and in them that perish.”
~ 2 Corinthians 2:15 ~CWO has been a tremendous blessing to so many woman and their walk with Christ! Now they are wanting to bless us even more. Here’s what they’re doing.

To recognize the members of our blogroll, CWO would like to honor the women who each in their own unique ways have been a sweet savour unto God, and to other women in the blogosphere.

We’d like to recognize these women by hosting our first blog of the year awards which serves to honor women in several categories. This is your chance as bloggers to know that you’re appreciated, and your chance as readers to show your appreciation by casting a vote.

Nominations will take place between now and November 20th at 11:59 pm central time, at which time, we will tally the nominations to find the three blogs in each category that have received the most nominations. Anyone is free to vote, but the awards will only be given to members of the CWO blogroll. Feel free to nominate someone in each category. You may vote for the same blog in several categories, but only one vote/category will be accepted.

The categories are as follows:

Best Friend Award
Someone that you deem as friendly–reaching out to those around her.

Most Joyful Among Us Award
Illuminates joy through her posts. Has a “glass-half-full” attitude.

Best Home Maker Award
Exhibits above average homemaking skills, with a love for the work she does in her home.

The Better Half Award
Shows a reverent respect for her husband, and delights in her marriage.

Most Humorous Award
Has a knack for wit, and the ability to find humor in her everyday life.

Best Group Blog
Has the best team of bloggers who inspire us with their words

Best Mommy Award
A mommy who joys in the job of raising little ones for the Lord.

Best Home School Award
Makes homeschooling something to be desired.

Best Scrapbooker Award
Designs and exhibits beautiful scrapbooking lo’s.

Artistic Blog Skin Award
Has a blog design that stands out as unique from the rest.

And, our most favored award will be:

The Unified Heart Award
One who strives to unify the body of Christ through love, encouragement, and an always open heart. She is unto God a sweet savor of Christ.

You can find the CWO blog roll by clicking here

Please send your nominations to: editor@christianwomenonline.net

Go here for more details.

I’ve already started making my list of favorites! Please consider being a blessing to someone else today by voting!

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No, I’m not taking about the extra baby fat I can’t seem to get rid of. I’m talking about the lazy, selfish part of me that gets tired of doing the right thing. Well, I’m glad I didn’t listen to my flesh yesterday because my obedience really blessed someone in need.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up Galatians 6:9

I have a friend with Cerebal Palsy whom I have helped care for in college and on occasion over the last six years. In college she was very mobile in her wheelchair, but for the last 7 years she’s been bed ridden due to an wheellchair accident, no fualt of her own.

Most times meeting her needs is inconvient, other times it’s just plain hard to drag myself away from my homeschooling, raising four kids, writing routine. I often have to drop what I’m doing to help fill an immediate need.

On Sunday our family was going to visit her in the hosptial, but I didn’t feel like it. It was raining and bringing the kids is never fun because they’re usually rowdy, plus I really wanted to write. So I did what I wanted, but made myself promise to visit her the next day when I had a babysitter.

Monday afternoon rolled around, and I dreaded manuvering through the maze of hospital rooms and corridors, but I pushed aside my flabby flesh and “just did it” as Nike would say. All week I had been praying that God would show me what He wanted me to do each day. Today He did!

My unexpected visit to her hospital room was an ordained blessing in disguise. Though I could not have known it, God had heard my friends need and filled it through me.

When I showed up she was getting ready to be discharged. It comforted her that I was there. She said she was humbled by God’s answer to her prayer. With family in another state, she had no way of getting all her “stuff” home. Though I only expected to stay for 30 minutes, I made some calls and had my babysitter bring my kids over to a neighbors until I could get home.

Then I helped get my friend’s stuff home. There was supposed to be an aid waiting for her, but the aid wasn’t there and my friend was worried about dinner. I told her I could fix something for her and feed her. Which I did (though it was only a tuna sandwich)! I made it home just in time to feed my own kids and then run out the door to drive my son to play practice.

What God’s showed me through the whole thing is that He does provide, even through reluctant flabby people. And that obedience brings blessing. The hardest part of the whole day was dragging my flabby flesh down there, after I did everything else was fine and I enjoyed my friend and being able to meet a need.

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“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”~ C.S. Lewis ~

As a child, I never seemed to fit in. At home I was the Dudley Do-Right of the family who had a higher standard of conduct and sense of justice than others in the family. I distinctly remember getting upset at the age of 8 or 9 when my older cousin told me she stole some decorative soap from a store. It was a little thing in her eyes, but a huge wrong doing in mine.

At school, I was the only one with divorced parents. I was shy and insecure. It was so hard for me to join in a conversation in the lunch room. I remember sitting with the popular girls, listening to their stories, hoping for something intelligent or funny to share. And when I did get up the nerve to speak, I felt like no one was really listening to me or truly cared. I don’t know if that was true or my own perception, but I think it was a little of both.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, “What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
~ C.S. Lewis ~

This quote really speaks to me because even as an adult I still find it hard to fit in. Then a couple of years ago I finally found where I belong. I found a group of people that understand me completely. People I feel comfortable and confident enough around to be myself.

They’re those who call themselves writers.

It feels so good to identify with others who know what I’m going through as a writer, trying to raise my family. To have someone actually “get me” is refreshing. Even my own husband doesn’t quite understand the “writing thing.”

But that’s okay. I now have friends who do.

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Timmy, my six-year-old, just got back from his first ever “friend’s” sleepover.Earlier I talked to my friend to get the scoop on how he was doing. She said she asked Timmy if he wanted to go home. Timmy said, “No, I’m having the time of my life!”

After I gave him a big “miss you” hug, I asked, “so did you have fun?”

He giggled and said, “I had chocolate cake, ice pops, pizza, and bubble gum.”

I guess that answers my question!

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