Found this written somewhere in my journal. Thought someone might be able to relate.

You see it all the time in books and movies, two kindred spirits. The deep intimate relationships between close friends that have seen each other at their best and worse, yet love and forgive each other anyway.

Subconciously, I think I’ve been searching all my life for this type of friendship. At times, I’ve tasted a little of what this relationship looks like, but inevitably things fall apart, close friends move away, or something happens in the friendship to put distance between us.

Looking back on my life and my lack of really close intimate friends, I’m beginning to wonder whether this type of relationship really exists, or if I’m just chasing a fairytale.

I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me who keeps driving these friends away.

It seems whenever I feel close enough to someone to really expose my heart, or safe enough in a relationship to bring up something that is standing between us (aka. bugging me) , it back fires. Instead of bringing us closer as friends, I somehow drive a wedge between us which is not my intention at all.

I’m starting to figure out that maybe I’m just too intense a person. Maybe even too needy. I’d rather deal with things that are bothering me in a relationship than just constantly gloss over them. I’m big on Grace and forgiveness in my relationships, but I don’t denying my feelings. I feel, forgive and go on. Once in a while I feel secure enough in a relationship to expose my heart and my true feelings. But maybe I’ve taken it a bit too far this time. Maybe some things aren’t meant to be shared or maybe my relationships are not as close as I thought them to be. At this point in my life, I’m clueless.

Whatever the case, the result is always the same. I seem to push people away instead of bringing us closer. I seem to bring hurt with my honest feelings, instead of healing. I seem to be harsh, when all I want to do is clear the air. I’ve been confronted on my “stuff” enough over the years. It hurts, but I get over it, learn, and move on. Should I expect others to do the same?

So what do you think? Do these relationships really exist? Should I just forget it and continue in the easy surfacy friendships that are fun and rewarding in their own ways?

If something is bothering me, should I just forgive and forget, even if it happens over and over again? Should I ignore my feelings, even if they get hurt and cause damage on my side of the relationship, and spare my friend’s feelings?

And last, do you desire this type of friendship and have you found it?

Sages of the internet, let your advice flow!

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That’s write. I’m somewhere East of Birmingham, AL riding in the car accessing the internet. Isn’t technology awesome. Actually, so is my hubby. He bought this AT & T device that you plug into your USB drive and install, and whallah, internet on the go. Of course the device cost $100 and there’s a monthly service charge of $60, BUT there is a 30 day free trail PERFECT for our trip ’cause my hubby is frugal and why pay for internet on the go when almost everywhere you look there’s free WiFi.

So here’s a quick update. The first hour on the road is always the hardest as the kids settle in with their bad attitudes raging. The movies on our 13 inch tv we brought from the house (no built in dvd for us, we’re very behind the times and like it that way ’cause it saves us lots of money,) but this time I didn’t pack any videos. I opted for all dvds. They take up less room. But the only problem is once we hook the dvd to our tv the sound quality is so poor they kids can’t hear it above the road noise. Luckily there was one video still in the tv unit, they watched it once and the sound was really loud. Maybe next time we’ll bring videos, or have to go with modern times and get one of those built in dvds!

While on the road I wrote out several more interviews for ICRS, figured out my digital recorder, and read a little. The kids have seemed very content playing their Nintendo Dses the entire time. I’m okay with it as long as they’re not arguing and turn the sound down.

Well, it’s about time I sign off and check my email!

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Life has been busy. We leave for vacation tomorrow to Orlando and I’ve been busy all month (yes, it’s only 8 days) packing. Not only for our trip to ICRS (and a family vacation) but we started packing up our home.

After thinking, wanting, begging my husband to move, he (all or a sudden) found this house, a HUGE fixer upper. We put in a bid and started panicking about selling our cluttered home. So we’ve been packing books and stuff, and my hubby plans on having college students come to our home and pack it up while we’re gone. Well, at least pack up enough so they can put down carpet. My mom will be here the whole time, but come on girls, can you relate to my apprehension. Hubby assures me everything will properly labeled. I just hope my furniture remains in tact.

It’s taken us a years to get to the point to actually planning a move. We LOVE our 86 year old neighbors and stayed here mostly because of them. But when this house opportunity presented itself, we saw a great way to make some money on a home. We planned on fixing it up, living in it in a couple of years and selling it. But we first prayed that if anything was beyond fixable, if there was anything we couldn’t foresee then we wouldn’t get the house. Well, we heard… we didn’t get the house. I have mixed feelings. The winners could still decline after inspection. The previous winners did because the house has a septic system (Yeah, grosses me out just thinking about it) but hubby assured me he called people and did all the research and it shouldn’t be an issue for us. It was an issue for the first winners (not sure what you call someone who bids on a home?) because they wanted to build this big fancy patio and the septic tank wouldn’t allow them to.

So we could still get the house. In the mean time we’re packing up this one! Not fun, but necessary and hopefully in the process I’ll get to clean out a lot more junk…

I’m not sure what my internet access will be when I’m gone, but I’ve got posts scheduled, so this site will be active. I just won’t be able to interact with my faithful readers as much as I’d like. But I will be getting to meet a fellow interrupted writer in person and I’m excited about that. So if you’re going to ICRS, let me know and maybe we can meet!

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During Timmy’s birthday month I’m sharing tidbits with Timmy. Join me as I travel down memory lane.

2003

I read a story to my three year old about having three wishes so I asked Timmy,

Mom: “What would you wish for if you could have anything in the whole wide world?”
Timmy: “Light”
Mom: “Why would you want light?”
Timmy: “Because it’s shiny.”
Mom: “And what would you do with the light?”
Timmy: “Let it shine!”

His answer was probably influenced by a video we have called “Psalty’s Songs for Little Praisers.” There is a song that talks about Jesus being the light of the world and that we should let that light shine. Even though he may be a little young to fully comprehend the answer he gave me, it’s also wonderful to think that God can be working in his little heart at such a young age.

When asked what he would want in the whole wide world his answer wasn’t candy or toys, it was light!!! What wisdom!! I think we can learn a lot from three year olds. So the next time I think my house is too small or my clothes too old, or start to long for an expensive piece of jewelry, I simply need to remember my son’s wish for light. It you really think about it, if you have Jesus in your life… what more do you need?

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But I’m sure you already figured that out! Tomorrow was supposed to be Timmy’s 8th Birthday party. We ordered sunshine for his SURVIVOR party. But it’ll be raining all week. Thursday was supposed to be the rain date for party. Supposed to be 40% showers. So I emailed everyone asking if Sunday would be better, then had to email them back and say, “sorry, but FORGOT my kids have a matinée that day!” Sheesh, my kids as the leads in The Jungle Book. You’d think I’d remember. Truth is, we’ve been really spoiled with carpooling. The last couple of weeks a dad who is helping behind the scenes has been driving our kids!

Back to party. Well, I got to thinking what if people show up anyway to tomorrow’s party, what if those who were looking forward to the party can’t come on Monday. So, I’m having two parties. One for the group tomorrow that can’t make it next Monday and one for Monday which looks sunny and clear. Sure hope someone shows up to that party!

At least the house is clean for tomorrow. We showed our home to a realtor. We built this house twelve years ago when I was pregnant with Joey. It’s been wonderful, but we’ve outgrown it! We’ve thought about moving before, but ten years ago we fell in love with our neighbors. They were 76 years old then and have been like grandparents to our kids. We’ve stayed because of them and still can’t even bring ourselves to seriously consider leaving them. It’s such a hard thing to think about!

Well, back to party planning chaos!

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I have the opportunity to attend a Cecil Murphy mentoring clinic and I sort of have the money. I was saving up for ACFW, which I still plan on attending, but I put the money toward this mentoring clinic with this amazing author. Haven’t heard of him? That’s because he’s ghost written a gazillion books including the best seller 90 Minutes in Heaven. The price is steep for an unpublished writer, but the opportunity is invaluable.

Hubby not’s totally for it. Only sees the dollar signs and the fact that there’s no immediate turn around for the investment. But I have most of the cash and hope to earn the rest through ads on WI, hopefully!

So what do you think?

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Don’t let your cash get away from you this summer. Join me Saturdays here at Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted and get a grip on your cash flow and start sharing your savings ideas.

I don’t know about you, but I’m appalled at how quickly gas is rising, so I’m on a mission to think of ways for my family (and yours) to save money. If you have some fabulous ideas to save money this summer, then join me in posting one idea every Saturday.

Here are the official rules:

Write a summer money saving post and copy the logo and link back here to the Mr. Linky post

Invite others back here to view more tips on how to save money this summer

Sign Mr. Linky with the url of your Money Saving Post

Do NOT add a Mr. Linky to your blog, but encourage those who want to participate to visit here!

More on what to post:

You can share your ideas or some things you did the previous week to save (or make money.) I can’t wait to hear all the wonderful money saving tips you have. Don’t forget to share your money saving ideas and sign Mr. Linky! Here’s mine!

Downsize, Don’t Supersize. Eat fast food less: During the busy school year it’s nothing for us to drive through several times a week. Of course I tried to make sure we had cheap ($1 menu) and healthy (grilled chicken wraps) options, but I’m hoping our summer won’t be so busy that lunch will be on the go.

Another thing I’m doing is instead of buying that Grande latte, opt for the smallest one and limit it to once a weak or as a reward. Not only will your wallet thank you, but your waist will as well.

Now it’s your turn . Just click on Mr. Linky and a window will pop up. Add your contribution, browse other posts and start saving!

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Sunday: Finally got around to having Grace’s birthday party. She wanted a pool party, so we invited a large crew to fill up the big swim school pool. Swim went great, but craming 30 kids and a dozen parents into small room, not so good! First time I didn’t get to take home cake (1/2 sheet) or ice cream (gallon tub!)

A couple of friends came back afterward to swim in out softside pool.

Monday: Picked up one friend, met others for pizza and putt putt. Had to deal with lousy attitudes of competitive older kids, while the “friends” were well behaved. After several warnings about whining, and being mean to each other, two of my boys didn’t get ice cream after putt putt! Yeah, I know. I’m the worst mom ever, so I’ve been told.

Back home with two friends to swim. Neighbor kid and cousin came over to swim. I sat outside and spent all afternoon booking ICRS appointments, checking email and figuring out play carpool schedule!

Youngest son slept over friend’s house, other son slept over other friends house. Would have been a quiet evening if Grace would have gone to be on time!

Tuesday: Started my detox! Five shakes (if that’s what you call liquidy, chalky water.) I’m starving and still have one more to go. Then two more days of this! BLECH!

I was supposed to get a lot of stuff done around the house with Grace at Mother’s Day out and two boys still over sleepovers. Went shopping and made beef jerky in food dehydrator! Yikes! I need to check on it now!

Tomorrow: Water park or swimming in back yard!

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ICRS interviews. Book reviews and promotions. Blog tours. Product reviews.

I’d love to say yes to them all, but I have to be very selective. I’m feeling the pressure and stress and it’s really not necessary. I can say “no.” I will say “no.” I must say “no.”

I’ll will have to weigh each request against the needs of myself and family. Each request takes time away from what I really want to do. I already feel overloaded at ICRS. I’m not sure how long these interviews will take and I’m afraid I’m stretching myself thin!

So in the next couple of weeks, I will have to cut back on my book promotions, blog tours and product reviews to step back and breath this summer. Hopefully I will gain much needed rest for my own spiritual, physical and family rejuvination!

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“Evil Grandma!” “Evil Grandma!”

That’s what Grace shouted when Grandma came to congratulate her after her graduation. Grace was just having fun, being silly, but Grandma was mortified.

You see, Grace and Grandma have been having issues since she came to live here after she broke her wrist five months ago. (Five months, wow! It doesn’t seem that long.) While I was a little unsure how the living arrangement would work out between me and mom, I never factored in how Grandma’s stay would affect the kids.

It was a hard transition. Joey (11) gave up his room and to his Chris’ (13) horror had to share the bunk bed in his room. It was an ugly couple of months and still there are many nights where the two can be heard verbally duking it out at bedtime. Usually it’s Chris antagonizing. Joey only had his own room less than a year before he was ousted, but he’s the one that’s warmed up most to grandma.

The younger too seemed to have viewed grandma as an intrusion to their daily routine. Though they loved visiting once or twice a year, grandma always went home. They always had run of the television and play room. Now there’s a grandma who likes to watch Bonanza and Little House on the Prairie.

Grandma didn’t push herself on them. She knew it would take time for them to warm up to her, but the lack of affection on their part or interest in her hurt. At times Grace, being a typical five year old, would speak what she was feeling. It wasn’t always positive toward grandma. And grandma is not one of those mushy, push over grandmas. She likes to have fun, but speaks her mind if the kids are out of line. It seems the kids early on tested her and when she didn’t push back hard enough, they started walking all over her. It’s been a constant battle for me to get the kids to listen to her, but it doesn’t help when she resorts to her almost extinct dysfunctional ways by yelling and calling them names like “brat.”

Grace picks up on this. She’s called grandma “mean” and it’s really hurt my mom. It’s crazy watching my five year old have such an affect on my mom, but I understand them both. Grace says, “I’m not her kid. She shouldn’t yell at me.” I understand Grace. She wants an all-the-time-sweet grandma who doesn’t rock the boat and let’s her do whatever. Like my mother-in-law. But my mom is not like that. And my mom wants a sweet, granddaughter that loves her unconditionally. Grace isn’t giving her that.

So Grace and Grandma. They’re learning to live with each other. Occasionally, like the time when Grace called Grandma “evil” in front of everyone, Grace says something insensitive and grandma becomes highly emotional and tells me not to leave Grace with her anymore, but then things calm down and get back to normal.

The kids now run to the couch when Bonanza and Little House is on and I try to be more cautious about leaving Grace alone with grandma. I try and take Grace with me when I can, and when I can’t I try to gauge their relationship and mood. It hasn’t been easy having grandma live with us, but it’s been so much better than I could have ever imagined or dreamed up myself. Things are being dealt with, and my stuff is being messed with, but that’s okay. God’s doing something in all of us and it’s got to be for the better!

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Don’t let your cash get away from you this summer. Join me Saturdays here at Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted and get a grip on your cash flow and start sharing your savings ideas.

I don’t know about you, but I’m appalled at how quickly gas is rising, so I’m on a mission to think of ways for my family (and yours) to save money. If you have some fabulous ideas to save money this summer, then join me in posting one idea every Saturday.

Here are the official rules:

Write a summer money saving post and copy the logo and link back here to the Mr. Linky post

Invite others back here to view more tips on how to save money this summer

Sign Mr. Linky with the url of your Money Saving Post

Do NOT add a Mr. Linky to your blog, but encourage those who want to participate to visit here!

More on what to post:

You can share your ideas or some things you did the previous week to save (or make money.) I can’t wait to hear all the wonderful money saving tips you have. Don’t forget to share your money saving ideas and sign Mr. Linky! Here’s mine!

Hang my clothes on a clothesline: I’m sure many of you are already doing this, but with my mom here hanging her clothes outside, I thought I’d bite the bullet and commit to using the dryer less and air dry my clothes more. Yes, that will mean more time doing something I hate, but with not having to drive to a pool, guess I’ll have more time!

I’m not proficient in this yet, but having mom here, showing me the ropes sure helps!

Now it’s your turn . Just click on Mr. Linky and a window will pop up. Add your contribution, browse other posts and start saving!

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It’s as official as it can get. I’m going to ICRS (International Christian Retail Show) as media! That means I get to interview authors for my blog. That also means I’m being inundated with phone calls and email requests by publicity people wanting me to interview their artist/authors.

YIKES! Talk about biting off more than I can chew. There are soooo many people, and I have an empty schedule waiting to be filled. I’m not even sure where to begin! I don’t want to overload my schedule, and I really don’t know what to expect. Luckily I have my reporter’s hat stashed somewhere in the closet. Guess now’s the time to pull it out, dust off the old tape recorder (do they use those any more) and start figuring out who to interview.

Any one who’s been to ICRS I could sure use some pointers!

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It’s been a little quiet around here! I know, I know this blog has been book review heavy and such, but that’s because I’ve been living life, meeting deadlines, and LOVE to help promote fellow writers.

I just started Twittering, so my day to day activities are recorded there. But I’d love to honor my faithful readers and coax you to comment by offering a contest for FREE books!

So start commenting on NEXT WEEK’S posts including today and tomorrow! The person with the most comments at the end of next week will win a box of books. Contest starts on the 9th so don’t forget to comment on the post BEFORE this one and the contest ends Saturday, May 17th, and I’ll try and email the winner on the 18th or 19th!

The books will include but are not limited to:

Fiction:

Coming Unglued by Rebeca Seitz
The Penny by Joyce Meyer (currently reading and enjoying this one!)

Nonfiction:

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not by Trish Ryan
I’m starting to rethink my priorities and if readers aren’t connecting with me, then I’m not doing my job here. Hopefully now that my WIP is turned in I’ll have more creative energy to pour into this blog! Thanks for sticking with me!

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My sister (half-sis whom I didn’t grow up with and hardly know) is having her first baby.

My other sis and I are going in on a gift and checked out her registry. There’s an item for $159 that’s rather high end for this particular item (swing.) It’s really cool(it swings both ways), but I saw another really cool 3 in 1 swing for $85 that doubles as an infant chair and bouncy chair. So I’m thinking…I want to get her THAT one. It’s more practical and I know a swing is really only used for 6 months. But is it alright to get something that’s not on the registry and then what happens if someone buys that $159 swing. Her shower is over. She lives out of state and is moving to another state after the baby is born, so I’d have to ship it there.

What would you do? Buy the one on the registry or the one not on the registry???

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I just love the scene in Bambi where Thumper (I think) talks about love. He calls it twitterpated. Well, this isn’t exactly what this post is about! I’ve been twittering…think brain dump to a minibloggy thing so that others can see what you’re doing.

This weekend and Monday has been crazy with science projects for two, sending off proposals to the agents who requested it (finally,) teaching three English classes today running home to rest for two hours while hubby took 3 kids to soccer award fun night and I then rushed son number one to a friend’s house so he could get a ride with him to play practice and then I zoomed off to science fair where Joey (11) got 2nd place in the 3rd - 5th grade category and Timmy (7) got honorable mention (4th place.) Then I ran them to play practice where I sat and listened to them run through the play and wondered why some kids made it and other kids who auditioned and were really good didn’t.

Finally got home where I wrote this post instead of going to bed!

It’s all recorded on Twitter! And that’s what being twitterpated is all about!

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Chris made an interesting observation while he was on a weekend field trip with his junior high. “I’m really nice when I’m away from home.”

At home Chris is characterized by being bossy, nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty with his siblings, especially the two that rub him the wrong way.

I can relate to Chris’ words because I feel and act the same way. Within the walls of my home I tend to be bossy (ask my hubby), nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty. Though I don’t want to be this way, and know it is wrong, more times than I care to admit my flesh takes over. It’s like what the apostle Paul said, the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Growing up in a divorced, dysfunctional home, I learned to take care of myself and protect myself emotionally. When I sensed criticism or an attack coming my way, I immediately put on my armor, drew my sword and started swinging. My choleric/melancholy (oftentimes sarcastic) personality didn’t help things either. When I gave my life to Christ at fifteen, I did change some. I eased up on the sarcasm, and didn’t hang out with my partying friends, but in my home I still battled a critical mother and a sister who I knew was sent straight from the pit of hell to torture me.

College was where I felt a reprieve. To date it’s the happiest time of my life. I had confidence, and oozed joy soaking up the love and acceptance from new friends and Godly teachers. Though I did go through emotional stresses and pain, in college I was the best me I could be. Then I got married and all the ugliness of my childhood surfaced again.

Sixteen years and four kids later, and I feel I’m probably at my worst. Selfishness rears it’s ugly little head every day in subtle ways and not just in me. I’m sure part of Chris’ problem has been modeled by me and the other part is that he is sooo much like me.

I think sometime over the years our family got lazy and started thinking that a family/marriage is all about what you can get out of it, not what you can give. I know in my heart a family should be giving more than taking, but when it’s caught in the whirlwind of chaos, it’s so hard to switch directions. All our good intentions get blindsided or distracted. And even though I know I can’t do this family thing right without Jesus, he’s usually consulted on matters after the fact.

Last night I had a talk with hubby about how I think our parenting has turned into damage control and not really disciplining. I have all these plans to change that, to change my family, to change me…but I need the Lord’s help!

I can so relate to Chris’ revelation. It’s easier to be nice when you’re away from family. I don’t like that reality and I want it to change. I want my whole family to change the way they treat each other and I know that it starts with me. Or rather it starts with Jesus. For the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!

What things does your family do to keep the nasties away?

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The much anticipated Americana Day at my boys’ school has come and gone. The last week has been filled with putting together book baskets, (a big thank you to the authors who donated. (In no particular order: Donita Paul, Lynette Sowell, Bryan Davis, Tricia Goyer, Margret Daley, Camy Tang, Susan May Warren, Christy Barritt, Amy Wallace, Jill E. Nelson, and Jeane Wynn for donating books from Lisa Samson, Melody Carson, Kristin Billerbeck and more!) And securing more donations for food and basket supplies. Not to mention helping to decorate two rooms, baking cookies, practicing for the second grade play, making pottery for my son’s Indian class, contacting the Italian singer…did I mention decorating the classes?

Then we were all up early and off to the school this morning! The whole school was transformed and the entertainment was fun. So much was going on, but of course the most thrilling part was the silent auction basket. I ended up winning several dinner and show tickets (under cost of course.) There was even a cowboy hat being auctioned off to be signed by Garth Brooks for the person who won.

Didn’t actually decorate the Indian (Sun set) class but I did put together the auction baskets!

Joey and his class performed a Possum’s Tale. A Cherokee tale about the prideful possum and how he got his ugly rat like tale. It was really fun! I learned that Chris is very computer savvy. In fact, his English teachers says he’s more proficient on their new iMac computers than she. He made a slide show for his English project and helped build a cave in the earth science room.

As I mentioned before I had baked cookies. My grandma’s Italian cookies to go with Timmy’s Italian project. I spent over an hour, maybe two wrapping these cookies in saran wrap, with curled ribbons. But by lunch time only two cookies had sold. And I had a big bowl full to go. I decided to take them out to where the food was being sold. Later when I was gathering up my stuff, I noticed the bowl were empty. I searched for the cookies. I had priced them a bit high, but I had worked really hard on them! No cookies were stashed anywhere. Later my mom told me a lady bought the whole bowl. I inquired and wondered and questioned and finally figured out the kindergarten teacher (from NY) bought the entire bowl because they tasted like her grandmother’s cookies! That was a fun unexpected treat for me!

It was a long day (kind of like this post,) but I realized (or re-realized) that I love being a part of big projects and events like this. As a child I would plan my sister’s birthday parties. Then I had kids and I’d go all out with theme related parties and games for my kids. In college I was the social chairman planning fun events and as a mom I’d plan field trips even when I wasn’t homeschooling! I love the organization and planning of the events. The ideas just come to me. The only problem is I do too much. In a small school like ours there’s not many people to delegate to. Though I did delegate as much as I could.

The overall event was a success if you measure it by fun. If you measure it by money earned, I’m not sure yet! The main problem the school had with this event is that it wasn’t publicized to the community enough. Most of the silent auction winners were parents of the school. But hopefully they’ll evaluate and learn for a more successful event next year.

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How can I be everything to everyone?

A mother, parent, teacher, homeroom mom, field trip attendee, housekeeper, cook, wife, shopper, chauffer, writer, blogger, not to mention a helper to my mother who’s been living with us for two and a half months.

Her living here has been much better than I expected, and I admit I do let things go around the house knowing she’ll probably do it. But if she wasn’t here, I’d probably let things go anyway. I’ve been at her disposal when she needs helps, but how do I keep it up? How do I continue to meet everyone’s needs (while my family neglects my own) and continue to put on a happy face?

I’m sorry, I just can’t do it on my own. I get snippy way too often and don’t try to hide my annoyance. My mom has picked up on it and has called me on it. But she does the same thing with my kids! Doesn’t anyone else see all the pressure I’m under? Not only do I have a house full of kids which I’ve cared for the last 13 years (just me and hubby) without the help of family, but now I have a live-in mom who has needs she expects me to meet, and be cheerful doing it.

I’m sorry if I’m not able to be everything to everyone. I’m sorry I’m not chipper when I’m feeling pulled and stretched liked taffy, and I’m sorry I tend to escape to my computer to hide away from the demands and chaos of my life. Sometimes escaping is all I have energy for!

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Grace is singing in the bathroom. “Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you’re always a day away!!”

We just returned from Annie the National Tour. Though it’s not Grace’s first play (she gets to see a lot because her brothers are performers) it was mine when I was little. I remember so clearly sitting in the audience, watching the girls on stage sing “It’s a hard knock life for us…” (Later I went on to write a play about kids in an orphanage. I’m sure Annie was my inspiration!)

I can’t remember if it was a school trip or if my mom took me or whether or not that was the moment a dream was birthed in me to someday be on stage and sing. All I know is that I sat mesmerized, especially at the girls who seemed so talented and like they were having so much fun. I went through my childhood with a secret dream of being on television, a child star. But I was too shy and no one knew, so that dreamed stayed hidden until high school where I joined the ensemble of my school play two years in a row. I wasn’t a great singer, and was too shy to sing a solo, though now that I’m older, I think if I had the confidence I might have been pretty good. Hind’s sight and all that!

My boys still beg me to audition. I’m still shy and insecure. Maybe some day, I tell them. Maybe.

Grace didn’t want to go tonight, though after a little bribery of Skittles, she thought it might be fun. In fact, she’s just as shy as I was when it comes to performing in front of a crowd. She has the desire to go up on stage, but when she gets there she freezes.

Maybe one day she’ll join her brothers on stage. Or she just might forge her own way with something totally unexpected. Either way, I will be there encouraging her dreams for tomorrow.

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