My kids would tell you I’m WAY overprotective.

My oldest wasn’t allowed to walk down to the neighbors home on his own in our quiet suburban neighborhood until he was ten, and then I can’t even remember if I let him play inside. There was a lot to worry about. I really didn’t know the parents or the older brother at all. Why would I allow my son to play inside a home I’ve never been in? Mix that with the nightly news and violence against kids and my overactive imagination and you got one overprotective mom.

When it came time to send the kids to camp, I’d warn them about swimming in the lakes and that parasites that could infect their brains and kill them if they got water up their nose. Every year a kid died from this mysterious disease in our state and my kids were not going to be one of them! Add that to the fact that I knew people who’ve drowned in rivers and were paralyzed in lakes and that lakes where we live are just plain icky and disgusting and you got one over protective mom.

Don’t even get me started about my fears of dogs and guns in someone’s home…

I’m sure I can go on and on and you can probably add your own overprotective stories to this post (and please do in the comment section) but I’d like to tell you about a REAL random act of violence that happened to my sweet, eight year old daughter yesterday…

I just started allowing my daughter to go to friends houses in the neighborhood and let friends come over, but the act of violence didn’t happen at home. It happened on vacation over her grandparents’ house. I should preface the story that the violence while random, wasn’t physically damaging and she seems to be emotionally fine (though wanting justice) so don’t worry, nothing horrific happened to her.

It was getting dark and her and her two older brothers and cousin wanted to go outside and watch the bats fly, so while normally I’d insist on an adult being outside with them, on this quiet cul-de-sac I wasn’t worried, though the idea did give me a moment of pause. Everything was quiet and I finally decided it was time for them to come in when my daughter comes up to me and tells me this little girl came up and punched her three times, one in the eye. I shook my head, not sure I heard correctly, but she told me the same story.

Her and the boys were playing a game where she was hiding in the bushes when this group of kids came up (not sure if they were playing with them, but the other day they did ask if they could play when we were down the street at a family reunion with about 50 people in the yard and the owner of the house said it wasn’t a good time, so we don’t know if they were mad about that)

My daughter said she saw the older girls whisper to the littlest one and then the littlest one (about my daughters size) went up and punched her in the face and eye about 5 or 6 times. And that was it!

Of course, I questioned why she didn’t yell and she didn’t know why. She was probably in shock, but that gave me concern because I’ve always taught my kids about screaming when a “bad man” tried to hurt them. I guess I should have expanded the age and gender bracket on “bad men.”

I then asked her brothers and cousin why they didn’t defend her and they didn’t even know it happened. Wow! More questions birthed in my mind. How could no one know what had happened even though she was hidden from everyone and why didn’t she tell?

Why didn’t she tell?

Makes you wonder how many other victims don’t tell right after the “act of violence,” but thankfully that’s the first thing she said when she saw me.

Needless to say, I was in shock and outraged and insisted on having my husband go down and talk to the family. It hasn’t happened yet and I’m a little worried that the parents might not believe their child did this, but my daughter keeps asking “are we going down there today.”

She may not be able to put it into words, but I know she wants justice. In fact, she said “I want to see her get in trouble.”

So if you think about it, say a prayer for “justice” and the courage for us to play this thing out when it’s so easy just to forget it all happened!

I woke up everyday on vacation around 6:30 – 7am. The first week I blamed it on the time change. Back home it’d be 8:30-9am so it seemed logical. But by week 2 and 3 I thought my body would have caught on. Others blamed it on the altitude or the light streaming in the windows of where I was staying. I’m not sure what it was, but I consistently woke up earlier than I wanted to!

Now that I’m home and sleeping in untlil 8:30, 9 and sometimes 10:30 and theoretically in bed more hours than I was on vacation I’ve got a new theory.

On vacation I played hard and slept well, even in a strange bed every couple of nights. I slept really well, woke up very rested, and remembered I my vivid dreams (the one about being attacked by a moose and a camel came to save me and the other where Don Maass told me to dump by historical and write my time travel book, though I attributed that to listening to The Time Traveler’s Wife in the car.)

Being home, I’ve noticed I’m having trouble going to sleep, and I’m waking frequently through the night. Why?

Now for the theory. On  vacation I didn’t worry about anything. I enjoyed each moment without a care for the next day. At home there’s so much to do I lie awake worrying whether I accomplished enough during the day and thought about what I needed to do the next.

Needless to say, I’m not sleeping like I did on vacation and I’m sleeping in. So how to remedy my sleep issues?

I’m not sure. All I can think of is “cast your cares on Him.” Easy in theory, hard when your home looks like a tornado swept through it after the hurricane had its way. SIGH!

Maybe I just need to fall into a new bed time routine and lay off the caffeine during the day!

Thoughts?

It’s been so long since I gathered my thoughts enough to post that I’m not sure where to begin. Lots of things going on as I plan for my three week trek across the western half of the United States. It’s a belated 40th bday present to myself and I’m excited to hit the road, though not excited about all the driving. Note to self: Calculate the actual driving time and miles BEFORE you commit!

My trip will take me to Denver for the Masters Seminar with Susan May Warren and my agent Chip MacGregor where I’ll hang with Danica and Jessie and I’m sure I’ll make some new friends. Then it’s off to drive Jessie home to Idaho, then on to Portland, Cannon Beach, Northern California, Santa Barbara and last, but not least, to visit my pal Georgianna in Arizona.

If  by chance you’re on my route, I’m always looking for a reason to pull off the road and chat with a friend!

My writing took a back seat with the end of school responsibilities and when a writing mentor very wisely told me my romance was lacking the hero’s story. So I’ve been sulking, thinking and brainstorming since April and hope to get back on track at this conference. I’m praying it will be just what I need to jump start my writing again.

My weightloss finally turned a corner this month. I lost 18 pounds in three weeks on a detox plan I’ve been looking at for two years now. I’m not one to jump on bandwagons, but God mercifully gave me the grace to stick with this plan, and I’m continuing on maintenance for the next two weeks, then I’ll be free to eat anything I want in moderation.

For about seven years or more I’ve been trying to lose the 20 pounds that my last pregnancy and homeschooling put on me. For the last 4 years I’ve been faithful to exercise, though my diet hasn’t been perfect, I haven’t been able to lose the weight. Now 18 pounds lighter (and about 18 plus more pounds to go) I’m able to wear clothes I haven’t worn in years! My trip will cut into my exercise routine, but I’ll do the best I can and watch my diet. I really feel incredible to have overcome this hurdle. Maybe it’s just the beginning to all the other areas of my life!

So what have YOU been up to?

I wrote this a week ago thinking it wasn’t done yet. But then decided to post as is, with all it’s imperfections and heart. I’m still a bit stuck, but have landed on solid ground!

Why is it just when things start to move, when my life seems headed in the right direction, when I’m doing all things…okay, most things right, I get stuck?

After a month of not writing and feeling like I was wandering around LOST on the island of confusion (yeah, notice the clever imagery) I find a glimmer of hope. My witty, albeit, bad poem was recognized for the horrible genius it was. But the victory was short lived when I didn’t final in a major writing contest. A contest a published writing friend encouraged me to enter because my story was that good. Obviously, it wasn’t good enough, and while I’m not completely discouraged, I’ve had a minor set back. The raft I’d built and started to paddle out to sea had sprung a leak.

Still I was floating and moving forward off the dreaded island. I had other victories to hold tight too as the waves began crashing over the sides of the raft. I had lost a significant amount of weight, more than I’d lost in a long time. But suddenly, the scale stopped being kind, though I’ve been doing all the right things. And my raft began to break apart.

Why? I cried out to my creator.

Why does it have to be so hard? Is it too much to have a little victory in my life? But all I heard in return was the wind. The howling, obnoxious wind reminding me I was alone. Yet, I knew that was a lie as I held onto my raft, shivering in the downpour that just started.

Figures!

Alone and wet, I shivered, wondering, waiting, wailing. Then the rain stopped, and the sun came out. A rainbow appeared. Suddenly I noticed the warmth. Seeing there was nothing out to sea for miles, I began paddling back to shore with my bare hands.

Finally, not making headway, I lay down on the raft of my own making, exhausted, defeated, realizing I couldn’t go on without Him.

Him.

How long had it been since I spent time with Him. Since I called on Him for help?

Too long.

When had I closed myself off to Him? It didn’t happen overnight, but slowly by slowly, little by little, while I was getting busy, He was the one drifting further and further away.

But the island was in sight and without thinking I plunged into the sea and swam. My body was weary, my arms weak. I didn’t know if I’d make it. “Lord, help me. I need you. I can’t do it on my own any longer.”

Up out of the water rose a huge wave, not threatening, but comforting. As my body tumbled inside the wave two things became apparent. I would either die or make it to shore. But at least I wouldn’t be struggling or alone.

Where are you? Are you alone on an island or paddling out to see? Either way, call out to Him for you are not alone!

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16

So nice of you to ask…

A whole lot of nothing so it seems, but if I break it down, my schedule has been just as crazy as ever.

This has been the month of plays and recitals (well, April/May) with my son playing Gideon in his high school play the SAME weekend I scheduled the Susan May Warren conference. But good thing she loves high school musicals (though not as much as football, I’m sure) because she tagged a long with me and had a good old time. The next weekend I was in charge of concessions on one of the play nights. Lots of fun. Lots of work.

The Creative Writing classes I’m teaching have written a play and are putting it on.m MY brilliant idea was to ask the kids if they wanted to write a play, they said YES. Now we’re trying to pull it together for Friday! We could use all the prayer you can spare! Good thing this is the last week of school. Though homeschooling may continue through May and beyond!

Then my daughter had her dance recital last weekend and my son has cello this and cello that! He’s done with his normal lessons, but the extra concerts and auditions threw a curve into my schedule.

Writing? You want to know about my writing? Well, there’s nothing to tell. After the Susan May Warren conference I basically stalled big time, trying to figure out what I wanted to write. It seems I have a lot more to learn about writing a romance so, for a while I shelved my 50,000 word WIP. Go ahead and say it with me…YOUCH! But “the book of my heart” story wasn’t flowing so I decided to go back to the romance. I think with more study and a little (okay, maybe a lot) of help, I can make it work. My agent and Susie are behind me on this and say it’s a good story. I just need to figure out how I want to tell it!

And in my weightloss story…I’ve made a breakthrough. 7 lbs. and counting, but that’s another story for another day!

My intention is not to make light of those who have suffered real loss from death or tragedy, but I’ve been in a writing funk for a while…almost two weeks and suddenly realized I’ve been going through the five stages of grief. I’m happy to say I’m in the acceptance stage, but for a while it was ugly, real ugly.

After an incredible weekend with Susan May Warren and some sound writing advice I began to realize I might have to ditch the WIP I’d been working on for 6 months. All 50,000 words. Now you need to understand something. 6 months and 50,000 is a huge chunk out of my writing life, and I was not about to give it up without a fight. I was in the SHOCK and DENIAL stage all weekend. I couldn’t think, let alone apply any of the great teaching to my current WIP which was technically dead to me at the moment.

After the excitement and the adrenaline of the weekend wore off I went through a mixture of ANGER and BARGAINING and DEPRESSION. I don’t remember the anger stage being strong, but depression was incapacitating at times! I couldn’t write or even read. What was the point! My story was dead, and I wasn’t about to try and read someone else’s story while I was grieving. Then came the bargaining. Maybe, just maybe I can salvage the WIP. So I tried writing my historical romance in first person. Only got 113 words written before depression set in again and I realized it was useless. If I turned my WIP into women’s fiction, it would be a totally different story with a different feel and plot. Which was okay, but something I didn’t have the energy to do. After all, I was still grieving.

So I started revisiting an old idea, close to my heart that I’ve been afraid to write. First, I reread the 7 pages, the only pages I’ve written and my heart was stirred. I felt new life coming back into my soul. So I read it again, and edited just a few lines and added a few more. Could I do this? Then I sent it out to some trustworthy friends for confirmation that I should be working on this story. All the results are still not in from said friends, but my heart is stirred and terrified! It’s the story of my heart, and I don’t know if I have the skill to do it justice. It’s nothing like I’ve ever written before, and I don’t even know where to begin. But I’m finally in the ACCEPTANCE stage and ready to move on. I’m ready to write again.

Where are you in your writing? Are you grieving? Sometimes if we identify the loss, it makes it easier to move on!

I started on this writing journey enthusiastic, bright-eyed, and hopeful.

That was six years ago.

Now I’m weary, blurry-eyed, and discouraged.

Why?

What takes a determined person and zaps the life from her dreams?

Is it the struggles we face a long the way? The obstacles we must overcome?

Or is it the lack of results?

While I’ve had small successes in my writing career, I’m starting to wonder if it’s enough to sustain me. Yes, editors have been interested, even enthusiastic in my ideas over the last six years, but they’ve always ended in a rejection. Yes, I have an awesome, encouraging agent, but in the year and a half I’ve been with him he hasn’t sold my two manuscripts (by no fault of his own.) I’m slowing trudging through my current WIP in hopes it will be the one…

People tell me to be patient. I encourage others to be patient, but lately I’ve been wondering why we grow weary and why some people eventually quit.

I’m convinced it’s lack of results.

Apply it to any other area of life. Take my weightloss journey which I began anew this January. I did all the right things. Said my daily surrender statement, exercised daily, watched what I ate. But the scale didn’t cooperate. I calculated that if I did everything right I would lose 2 lbs. a week. By the end of the first month I lost 2 lbs. Not my original goal, but I persevered through the next month, slacking a little in my enthusiasm, still exercising though not as faithful in eating healthy on the weekends. Here it is the end of March and according to my original plan I should be 21lbs. lighter. Well, I’m not! Why? Because lack of results killed my enthusiasm, and it’s very discouraging to keep doing the hard things, the right things, to keep persevering without results.

Take a look in the Bible. Abraham was so discouraged when a son wasn’t born to Sarah that he took things into his own hands which ended in disaster. Though God was still faithful to his promise and turned it around, it was still less than what God had originally planned for Abraham. Same thing happened throughout Abraham’s family line. First the promise, then the wait, then the impatience and discouragement. Discouragement because of a lack of result which produced a lack of faith and the person taking things into his own hands.

It’s hard to persevere when our time table is light years ahead of God’s. When we think we know best and our timing is perfect. It’s hard to keep going without results. Big results! Little encouragements along the way like landing an agent or losing a few pounds help, but in the end what makes us stick it out? Results.

But when their are no results, all with have is faith. Faith. Is it enough to sustain? It is for me, for now. Though it’s not easy…

Is faith enough for you?

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

I’m here on a family vacation, and I’m already thinking about my summer road trip where I will spend two weeks (more if I can manage it) on the road visiting some of my favorite online friends! Jealous? Well, this has been a trip in the making for about two years. For my 40th birthday I wanted to go somewhere with friends, maybe a cruise, but alas it was too difficult to pull off, not to mention expensive, so the idea of the road trip was born. I let it marinate for a year or so and then started to leak the word… planned my route, and I’m off! Well, not until sometime in the summer! Not sure the exact date, but here’s the plan. If you’re a reader or writer friend and are “on the route,” I’d love to connect somehow. Here’s the tentative itenarary:

Wichita, KS to Denver, Colorado

Denver to Yellowstone Park

Yellowstone to  Southern Idaho

Idaho to Portland, Oregon…to the coast

Oregon Coast down California…

California to Grand Canyon, Arizona

Arizona to Texas, maybe…

So there you have it! My road trip! And a much needed vacation after this family vacation!

This is the question that is first and foremost in my mind as I think about friends and family who have waited and now are celebrating the end to their longing.

A prodigal daughter and mother reunited.

A divorced mother weeks away from marrying the love of her life.

A weary author finally seeing their book in print.

Did they actually think this moment would come? Do they remember what it was like to wait? How often did they contemplate giving up?

And as I sit and wait with no ending in site I wonder…

Do they realize that somewhere there are family members still praying for reconciliation?

Do they know somewhere a wife is holding on to her marriage despite the urge to give up and start over?

Do they understand the pain of seeing someone else realize their dreams, receive the blessings of God while others still wait and pray and wonder why God generously hands out blessings to some while others only receive problem after problem?

Do they remember what it was like to despair in the waiting?

If you’re on the other side of “the wait,” or if you’re in a good place in your waiting (like me as of this moment, but that could change,) then encourage someone who isn’t. But not the encouragement that reeks of “I can’t remember what it was like to walk the long, lonely road of waiting.” The encouragement that says “I know where you’re at and how you feel because I’ve been there.”

Be someone’s blessing today.

Let them cry on your shoulder and don’t offer them pie in the sky affirmations.

Just be real.

And when they ask that question “how long should I wait before I move on?” Simply say, “as long as it takes. And trust me, it’s worth the wait.”

It’s going to be worth the wait!

I haven’t seen the movie, but I’ve heard about it. A couple buys a house and renovates it. It turns out to be a money pit and though I haven’t seen the ending, I can imagine a lot of their sanity and a little bit of their life got sucked out in the process.

How do I know? Because I feel like I’m about to star in the movie.

We bought a big house over a year ago before the market took a nose dive mostly because it was a good investment, so we were told by wise counsel…so we thought. Though we had our doubts at the very end and wanted to get out of the deal, we couldn’t.

Don’t get me wrong, living here is a big blessing. There’s tons of space, but it’s not our dream home and after a year, the renovations (which have mainly been to the yard) have sucked the life out my hubby. As for me, the lack of interior renovations and decor has zapped my morale as well. Throw in a very zealous decorator/designer that wants to get our house ready to sell and we’re talking major renovations.

It has hubby and I wanting to throw up our hands and say, “We surrender. For sale. As is!!!” We don’t have the time, money, resources or know-how to get this house up to the level the decorator thinks it should be and our Realtor and many others we asked for guidance never looked at the cosmetic enhancements we’d have to make get it up to the competition and sell this puppy.

Which brings in more doubt and second guessing as to whether or not this was indeed a blessing from God or were the “signs” a warning from God to stay away! How many times are we going to have to learn this lesson? And how will we really know if it’s an obstacle God wants us to overcome or a warning to stay away?

I’m clueless.

My question to you: How do you know?

We really felt good about the decision to buy this house and thought the obstacles were just that…obstacles. And maybe they still are. But I’m not sure we’re willing to lose our sanity to find out!

Today we’re talking about our favorite blog(s).

Write a post sharing one (or more) of your favorite blogs, tell us why you like it, link back here (you can copy my button above), and add your link to the list below.

Have some fun stopping by each other’s sites and be sure to comment while you’re there!
I’m not sure I have favorite blogs as much as I have favorite people who have blogs. When I look for a blog to follow I don’t really CARE if you have “make me cry or laugh out loud moments.” While content seems to be king for most people, and it is entertaining and my initial draw, it’s not what keeps me coming back for more.

What I care about is if I have a connection with the author. If they make me feel welcomed to their little corner of cyberspace. (and Genny does!) If I start to have a dialogue and build on that conversation. I don’t need a response to every comment I make, but I need to know that person makes an effort to connect with me at some point. Maybe that’s why I stay away from the more popular blogs. Being popular automatically sets you up for not being able to connect with all your readers like they want you to. Like I want to. I get that and don’t fault them for it…most of the time!

But this is about my favorite blogs and as of late, here are a few on my igoogle page I try to visit a couple times each week!

I’ll let their blogs speak for themselves!

Jessie over at Blog Schmog   is not afraid to jump in with both feet.

Georgianna’s always having a Good Time… or at least trying!

Amy’s  gets to The Heart of the Matter

And a few more “writerly” blogs I just started revisiting. But I’ll have to add them later. Running late as always!

I’ve never been a morning person. Even when my kids were little we’d all sleep in til 9 am at least! Yeah, I know I’ve been blessed, but before you get jealous…all but one of my kids stopped napping at 2 years old. Yes, 2! Even in preschool they would have to be separated from the group for talking. My daughter still remembers resting by the bathroom so she wouldn’t disturb the other’s naps.

For the last few years I’ve been training myself to wake up earlier than usual. And it’s been hard, but great. I slowly moved my wake up time up…8am, 7:30am and by January I was rising BEFORE everyone at 6:15 am to pray and write. It was great! I accomplished so much until the lack of sleep started catching up with me.

In February, I managed to still get up early at the beginning of the week. But by Wednesday I was hitting the snooze. I designated Fridays sleep in days, but that didn’t help.

So here it is March 2nd and I’m already missed my wake up call, twice! I could have gotten up at 5 am on Monday when my daughter came in my room telling me she had “gotten sick” but I chose to sleep. (and btw, she was fine. We’re thinking she had too much cheese before bedtime.) Then this morning I wake at 5:30 am and debate whether to get up or not. I figure if I roll over and nod off, it wasn’t meant to be.

Obviously by this post, it wasn’t meant to be.

I haven’t worked on my WIP since my weekend getaway and I’m thinking something needs to change. I need to get to bed earlier. That’s the only thing I can think of that will stop this downward spiral.

So what about you? Earlier riser? Night owl? I like the earlier riser change I’ve made in my life, I just wish I could sustain it.

Any tips???

How do you battle the after weekend blahs? Especially if your weekend was full of work and not rest?

Today as I went through my routine. Wake. Coffee. Devotion. Email. Homeschool. Exercise….it hit me! I’m bored with the same old, same old. And my day is not over with yet. There’s Pick up kids. Think about dinner. Make dinner. Go to gym. Home. Night time chaos. Computer? Sleep… Good thing Spring break is in a couple of weeks and summer is just around the corner!

Am I noticing the monotony more because I’m fasting twitter and facebook and feel out of touch with people and friends? Could be! On the plus side, my inbox is empty. Or is that NOT a plus when it comes to not connecting with friends.

Oh well, time to complete the routine as I’m running late to pick up kids which has become my normal routine!

How are your Mondays? What do you do to make them fun?

I’m sure hoping the feeling is fleeting, but I’ve been locked up in a hotel room for over 24 hours and 7,000 plus words later…writing has become a chore. A chore for which I’m NOT GETTING PAID!

It made me start to wonder why I put myself through this torture when I could be just as happy (if not more so) watching reruns of LOST and developing my own theories while crocheting a 90 foot afghan. Heck, I’d probably finish the afghan before I finish this book. It also occurred to me tonight as I wrestled some very badly written words out of my head and onto the screen that I’d get more joy out of seeing my book unfold in my mind, so why oh why oh why do I think I have to actually write them down for no one else but me and my mom to read.

Insanity! That’s what I call it, and I’m certifiable! I’m 38,000 words into my 80,000 historical romance and I just want to be done with it. I guess I can blame it on the sagging middle and keep my focus on the good things to come. Or maybe I’m just getting too old for these writing marathon weekends. You know what might help. A contract. And money, yea, that would help dull the pain a little. And some Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby but no matter where I look the stores don’t stock them, that’s when when I actually do find I pint, I need to grab it and run.

So now the question. What makes you the energizes bunny? That dude keeps going and going and going and never gets anywhere! Yes, this post is random and scattered like my brain after staring at the screen since 8 am. So I guess I should call it a night and pray morning doesn’t come too soon!

But it’s actually my daughter giving up cheese…her favorite food in the world. I’m so proud of her for giving cheese up for Lent. Last night I went to Sonic to buy her some cheddar bites. She “savored” every one! And she isn’t too worried, she says she’ll have “one cheese” on Sundays!

What do your kids think about Lent and what are they giving up?

I’ve been observing Lent for decades. At first out of habit, now out of want for more of God. But it wasn’t until the last couple of years that I heard about Fat Tuesday.

Fat Tuesday. Not sure I really need to indulge all that much because I’ve been indulging for the last year so gorging on what I’m giving up doesn’t seem necessary. So what am I giving up? What am I NOT giving up is a better question. Here’s the what and why. Feel free to share yours in the comments.

Facebook and Twitter because they rob me of time and relationships.Whenever I get needy I run to the computer and tweet and click and search and wait for instant gratification. Needless to say, it isn’t instant, so I tweet and search and comment and wait sometimes wasting an hour or more, robbing myself of building real life relationships with God, family, and friends. So I’m taking the temptation away and trying to run to those closest when the urge for connection comes. Don’t worry, I’ll still be available by email (my facebook messages come to my email,) but the mindless, surfing will be cut off and hopefully I’ll get more done. Hopefully!

Food, okay, not all food, but specifically sweets, treats, simple carbs, junk food…you get the picture. I’ve tried to give these things up since January, but for some reason it’s easier to cut these out of my diet during Lent. Every time I reach for a piece of candy, the conviction hits hard, and I have the will power (through grace) to say no because I made a commitment not just to myself, but to God. I usually give up this stuff every year and don’t lose weight, but hopefully this year will be different since I’ve been really good about exercising. I’m hoping to make this a permanent life change.

I’m sure I’ll give more things up along the way as I notice what comes between me and God, but for now that’s enough and like I said I won’t be gorging myself today on these things. I’ll just go about my normal lack of self control, cause I really thinks that’s more than enough for Fat Tuesday.

How about you?

Do you observe Lent? Why or why not?

And what are you giving up for Jesus to make room for him?

Some People are Just Meant to be Alone...

Those were the words Sawyer spoke on LOST last night. The words that touched the depths of my soul and continued my theory that LOST is a spiritual story, a journey to redemption. I call it the Lost Gospel.

I don’t troll around on Lostie sites much and never really heard this theory, but it’s hard NOT to see the parallels between LOST and the gospel, especially in the last season or so.

 

You have Jacob, the Jesus character, seeking out those first survivors of Oceanic 815 who mysteriously disappeared into the jungle only to show up again at the temple living in peace with the OTHERS.

 

You have Jacob (Jesus) seeking out the Oceanic 815 survivors throughout various times in their lives, touching them, calling them to him and the island.

 

You have black smoke man (Satan) who destroys, robbing people of their life, infusing them with fear and who was not able to kill Jacob until he found a loop hole.

 

You have Jacob again, willing to be killed, laying down his life by provoking the betrayer… Ben Linus (Judas), and then rising again from the dead and coming back to help save the Oceanic Six.

 

How can you not see the Gospel in LOST?

But it was Sawyer's words, “some people are just meant to be along,” his tears of pain in the loss of Juliet, and Kate’s tears and understanding of Sawyer's words that sealed this theory for me, not matter if it was the intent of the writers or not.

I hear their cry in the Psalm 13. I felt their cry…

 

“How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and every day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall…”

I see these words as Sawyer's black moment.

 

Love is lost.

Redemption is lost.

All hope is lost for him.

But that’s not the end of the Psalm 13…

“But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.”

I also see something on the horizon that will challenge the lives of the LOST who trust in unfailing love. A storm is brewing against the man in black, a fight coming between good and evil. Jacob is coming back for those he’s called and touched. Those he’s already saved.

 

Whether Sawyer embraces it or slips to the dark side like Claire or soon-to-be Sayid remains to be seen. And I can be totally off base here with LOST, but the promise of hope is there. At least that’s how I see it. Sawyer does not have to be alone even though in his darkest hour he feels he’s meant to be alone.

 

We don’t have to be alone even though the smoke monster constantly whispers in our ears that we were meant to be alone.

That we are not good.

That no one could ever love us.

That redemption is impossible.

 

A storm is brewing for our souls. For Jesus came to save the LOST!

Why are we drawn to what we can’t have and to the people who don’t want us? Why is it so easy for some to be a part of a group while others continue to stare from outside the circle longing to be in. I’ve struggled with this feeling ALL my life and it’s so hard to see my kids struggle with the same thing. I want desperately to help, but how can I when I don’t have the answers?

Friendship, true friendship is a gift. It can’t be bought for oneself and it shouldn’t be begged for. To be given something after prodding and begging seems to cheapen the value, lessen the friendship. Who wants a gift that was forced? I sure don’t. But it’s taken me YEARS to learn this lesson, and God’s been speaking to me of late, whispering a simple truth for my life that sounds something like this “don’t chase after friendships that I have not given you.”

I don’t understand why some people are drawn to each other and others are not. I don’t understand why I can easily rally people together but am often forgotten. I don’t understand why my children have to experience the same thing, but I do know that Jesus understands because he’s walked the same, lonely path. He didn’t conform to this world and wasn’t invited to the “happening” parties either.

The only thing I do understand is that God has given me a heightened sense, an awareness of those who feel the same way. I notice the outsider at writing conferences desperately wanting to belong to that inner circle. I notice the insecure child not sure how to fit in. I notice the quiet one in a crowd. Because I have been there and in many ways, I’m still there. And often times I feel God wants me to reach out to them. And many times I do.

Do I still long to be a part of the in-crowd? Do I still feel left out when I hear of others getting together when I sit home alone? Does my heart still ache for my children who are often left out? Yes, yes, and yes. But I know that friendship is a gift and instead of looking for it, I’m asking God to give it to me, to my children. And those he’s sent my way in the last couple of years, months, those whom he hand picked for me are priceless. Though they are not many, I wouldn’t trade them because they have given me a gift. The gift of true friendship.

What about you? Do you chase after things, people that are not yours? And how can you use your longer to reach out to others?

I admit it, this blog is old and worn and just plain dry. Rarely anyone comes here to drink anymore because there’s just nothing refreshing in the well…er…blog. I’ve been replenishing this blog for years now. Could it be that it’s run dry? I’ve run dry?

Life’s been pulling me so many different ways this last year or so I’ve hardly had the energy to go about my daily tasks, let alone write my novels AND blog. But I want to get back into a routine of blogging. But what I want more than that is to transform this blog literally… Just don’t have the know how or money to do it, so will it continue to die a slow death while I figure out just what I need to do (and how much $ I need to do it?) I hope not.

I’ve been going back and forth with switching back to blogger from Worpress, but the bottom line is content is king and well, there’s no great content here consistently. I’ve got a great site all set up at Writer…Interrupted ready to relaunch, just stuck in headerless mode for a while. Hope to get that up and running soon. Been saying that for MONTHS now! Oh, the limitations of my lack of knowledge!

Maybe I should post some old posts until I can figure this out. Do you know of an extremely affordable (er…cheap) blog/website designer that can help me start back?

In fact, my pastor encourages it as well!!!

Now I’m not talking about chatting with friends or avoiding the sermon by texting the latest gossip, but at my church we have a two-way open conversation with the pastor by texting him questions. Before he even starts on the sermon, he puts his cell phone number up and encourages the congregation to text him questions. And at the end, he tries to answer most of them.

Take this morning for instance. His subject was on Hell. A very controversial and touchy subject with so much ambiguity and questions despite how enlightening his sermon was today. At the end there was a bunch of unanswered questions. My kids even jumped in on the conversation and my pastor was very honest in his answers. If he didn’t have them, he said so. Faith can be messy and though in the past he’s “claimed” to have all the answers, he unashamedly admits he no longer does.

There’s always bound to be a wise guy in the congregation with a personal message to our pastor, which he shares, like today…one of the sound guys complimented pastor on his good looks and eloquent speech. “Laughter doth good like a medicine” especially after a heavy subject at church.

So what are your thoughts on this? Do you text questions to the pastor in your church? How else can technology be used in a positive way in church?