The things that stood out to me:

He really likes my writing, and I’m the only unpubbed author he’s looking at right now.

He understands my story better, thought it had a romance angle (which it doesn’t) and wouldn’t be interested in it if he thought he couldn’t sell it.

So what’s keeping me from jumping on this opportunity, not much, except another agent (a good friend of his) has the proposal and I’d like to hear from him before I make my final decision. This agent is aware that the other one has it, so I’ll take this vacation to pray and mull it over, maybe send the agent another email and then, who knows! Maybe I’ll hav

Or maybe I’ll get a phone call or email from agent number two begging me to sign with him and keep my WIP as is!

You’re not buying it, me neither!

But, hey, I write fiction and have a great imagination!

For all I know it could be on his pile of TBR (to be read) or maybe like a friend of mine, he read it and it’s sitting on his floor as he debates what to do with it and me! In the mean time I entered this WIP Stiletto contest. Not sure if it’s technically a chicklit story,  but I the protag was snarky and sassy enough that it could go that way. To me, it’s a mystery with humor. So we’ll see where that all goes.

I haven’t been to positive on contest. Seems like all the ones I enter I get really high scores and one really and maybe one in the middle. But that kills my average and I don’t make it to the finals. In the past I’ve entered for the feedback and have been very disappointed when the judges barely tell you how to fix your work. I even was thankful about the low, low score I received when other pubbed authors gave it a 91/99. At least the low score gave me things I could improve.

Not sure that I’m expecting from Stiletto.

I had the opportunity to attend a Cecil Murphy mentoring clinic. $500! I debated and went back and forth. I could scrounge up the money, but when all was said and done, I didn’t have the passion to do it. It was more like “I should do this” instead of “I really want to do this.” I’m sure I’ll get another opportunity some other time in my writing career.

Until then, I’ll keep waiting, and writing…

1) that I find a fiction editor to help me tighten my writing. (Sounds reasonable if I can afford it!)

2) That my married protag becomes single and finds a love interest. AKA Romantic suspense!

ACK! That number two got me! Not because I’m not open to changing and editing, BUT I don’t want my protag to be single. I don’t want to write a romantic suspense. I don’t want to feel like I’m selling out for an easy sell!

Does that make sense? I don’t really enjoy reading romantic suspenses so why would I want to write one? For me, they’re too predictable. Single protag has issues with single guy, they dance around their attraction…maybe while solving a murder or running for a killer…until they realize their love…before or after the hero saves her! Sorry to all your romantic suspense lovers, but BLECK!

I can see where this agent is coming from. He says it would make my story an easier sell! And he’s right. So there in lies the decision. Do I want to make it an easier sell just for the sake of getting published, OR do I want to stick with my heart and leave this story as is? I have another story that is a mystery with an element of romance, and I’m fine with that one because that’s how I wrote it.

If I changed this current WIP to a single protag, it changes the whole motivation and makes it weaker in my opinion. Plus the issues she faces with attractions toward an other man (yes, why she’s still married! Come on, I know there are people out there married with old loves they just quite haven’t gotten over) wouldn’t be as edgy and complicate to the story.

But I’m not too concerned at this point. I want to mull it over, let it simmer, and see what the other agent has to say. Maybe when I do, I’ll start to feel the agita in the pit of my stomach. Until then…life is sweet!

I sent it off! Two weeks ago. After polishing and editing and correcting and polishing, I sent it off to the two agents who requested it! You can read all about what happened it those agent meetings at ACFW in early posts under CONFERENCES!

But it’s off and I have such a peace! At this point (just sending it off) I’m not anxious. Not. Anxious. At. All! Maybe this is God setting me up for a huge red light on my writing. And if so, at this point in time, I’m okay with it. Of course, I’ll still be writing and plotting stories in my head. But my drive to be published isn’t there. All in God’s time! And I have such a peace about it.

I’ve realized that during my pursuit to publication over these last four years, I’ve missed out so much with my children. Being a divided mom has made me a not-so-good mom, oftening choosing the computer instead of spending time PLAYING with my children. I’m hoping to change that this summer…and get my house in order…physically, emotionally, and spiritually!

So is this the beginning or the slowing down of my writing career. Only God knows. How I wish I was one of those mom who can really do it all! But I’m beginning to see, I can’t. At least not know, and I’m okay with that. If I get an agent, if I get a contract, I will learn to juggle it all. But I only want it if God thinks it’s best for my family. Your will be done, Lord.

I don’t say that lightly. Infact, I say that with tears in my eyes beause I know He could be closing the door on this season of publication pursuing! And I’m okay with that! At least, I’m okay with that right now!

I’m at that point in my WIP where I’m doing last minute tweaking and trying to get feedback from lots of different people in anticipation of sending it off in a couple days/weeks! It’s been a long time since I sent something off, mainly because I haven’t had a finished WIP to send off. God interrupted my last WIP, the one I became so obsessed with publication while writing it. But before God held up his divine stop sign, I was right where I am now. Steeped in insecurity, wanting my WIP to be perfect, but slowly realizing I could send it out to 100 people and everyone will have a different opinion.

I’m not really a perfectionist. It’s just I’ve sent stuff out before it was ready and got several rejections. I blew it with a certain WIP and certain publishing houses and the lesson taught me not to rush things. Now I’m going on seven months of edits since the agents requested it at ACFW, and I’m feeling the pressure to get it out ASAP.

My biggest fear: That the WIP I’ve just spent the last 18 months on will not even get a full manuscript request and though I know it’s a journey, my fear is I might not have the energy (or family support emotionally and financially) for the next leg of the journey.

I haven’t looked at my WIP in about a week due to school responsibilities. I’m going to sneak a peak today while Grace (5) is in gymnastics. My last crit was good. It was from someone who really didn’t connect with my main character. It was from a friend and Genesis finalist, someone who I respect. So I’m giving her concerns some honest contemplation time. I also heard from another friend, Genesis finalist, who I respect. Her advice was to be true to my story. I know my main character is not sympathetic, but she’s relatable. She’s not a Christian, is angry with God, is self-centered, but she loves her friends and family, helps her colleagues and never says no to someone in need. She doesn’t always act appropriately, and often acts in anger, but she needs to be who she is so she can go on her journey. So she can hit bottom.

I know there’s tons of room for improvement, but I’ve exhausted all I know on this WIP. Next time I will do better. Biggest hope/prayer: That someone will see something in me and my WIP to want to invest in me. Biggest, biggest fear: That my biggest hope/prayer won’t happen.

But I’ll never know unless I get it out there!

I tried to get a meeting with Chip MacGregor, but he was all booked. I put my name on a list in case something opened up. Later I returned 15 minutes early before my meeting with Steve Laube to go to the prayer room. I settled in, and opened the bible, but before I could really enage in anything spiritual, a friend comes in the room and calls me out. I had no clue why I would be ushered out of the prayer room, but she informed me Chip had an opening, now! So I gathered my stuff and thoughts and sat down with Chip. I don’t think I really pitched, but I do remember him reading my proposal and him making suggestions, correction my commas misplacement, me hoping my face wasn’t beat red, etc. I’m a visual person, so while the images of that meeting is etched in my memory, the conversation isn’t. The most important part is that he requested it!

When the meeting was over, I ran across the hall and met with Steve. He looked over my proposal and first chapter, gave me suggestions, and asked me to send it in. I know it’s a very abreviated version of what really happened, but the most important part of the meetings is that I felt very comfortable talking with both agents, and walked away feeling good about the meeting and the request.

Fast forward seven months and I’m still pounding away on the keys, tweaking, and fretting about actually sending this WIP out. After ACFW Steve emailed me. We emailed back and forth and the words that stuck with me was (and this is a loose quote) “a great book can’t be rushe.” Well, I haven’t rushed. And I hope my book is great. But there’s still a few more things I have to do before I can send it out!

Some time during the evening Chip MacGregor showed up and started Tango dancing with Meredith. It might have been during my conversation with Steve, but it was interesting to watch and learn that Chip was a ballroom dance instructor. Talk about your multi-layered character!

While he was dancing and well, being Chip, I thought about when I would have the time to talk with him about my WIP. A friend had referred me to him and we had chatted through email, but every time I saw him he was engaged in a conversation. And I wasn’t about to talk shop with him during the late night lobby chill session, so I just enjoyed the growing camaraderie in the group. I’m not sure what time it was when I started to drift, but I didn’t want to pull myself away from this fun group.

When Chip announced he was calling it a night, I decided to join him in the elevator for the ride up. It was a short three story ride, but with our frazzled brains we managed to squeak out a conversation. He remembered we needed to meet and I had to remind him that he liked my One Sheet in the late night chat. I told him I’d been trying to catch him but every time I saw him he was meeting with someone. He said he was just chatting with people, but I said I didn’t want to “jump on him.” He followed up in typical Chip fashion, “oh, you should have just jumped on me.”

He told me to catch him tomorrow and I did. But that’s another story for another day… and definitely worth waiting for!

Friday morning I arrived to breakfast to discover the tables were being hosted by editors and agents. In the past breakfast was more laid back, with agents/editors eating with their own and other attendees not frantically worried about pitching over coffee and danishes.

If I had known the tables were going to be hosted I would have gotten there earlier because there were a few editors/agents I wanted to meet. Instead I navigated the crowded dining room, carring my breakfast plate and ackwardly scanned the tables  for a seat with the desired agent/editor.

But I couldn’t find any.

I circled the room again, with my new goal of finding a friend…or a friendly face.

No luck.

Then I heard my name. Someone down in front. It came from Georgiana sitting at Chip MacGregor’s table, front and center of the auditorium.

Ironically, (or God-ordained) Chip was on that list of “wanted to talk with,” but I didn’t really want to talk with him over clattering breakfast dishes. I took the last seat available. Next to the empty seat designated for him. We all ate and talked and waited for Chip. And waited.

And waited.

Finally he arrived when praise and worship was about to start. He apologized for being late. Breakfast started at 7:45 instead of the usual 8:00 in past conferences. Not wanting to be rude, but also not wanting to hurt my already hurt neck by looking over my shoulder at the Praise and Worship leaders, I turned my chair toward the stage and apologized for having my back to him. He was still eating and didn’t seem to mind. Plus, I had several email conversations with Chip, and he knew I wanted to speak with him. That was just not the time!

The rest of the day was typical workshop attending, chatting with old and new friends and the beginning of information overload. After my 3:30 paid critique, I jumped in the car and headed to my sister’s. I really wanted to go out with some friends and just relax, but I already said I would visit my sister. So I skipped out on two sessions and left around 4:00.

It took me 2 hours to get from Dallas to Fort Worth. Thankfully, I had the GPS system which was one of the reasons I was going back to Ft. Worth. I thought my sister’s sister-in-law might need it, but mainly I thought it was the right thing to do.

After I got there, we had dinner and a nice time, but I have to admit I was watching the clock, anxious to get back for the late night lobby social hour. Two and a half hours later I was back on the road. This time it took me 45 minutes, and before I left my sister’s husband said I didn’t really need to come all this way since I was coming back on Sunday!

Now he tells me!

Anyway, when I got back I tried to sit in on a late night session, but I was past tired so I headed for the lobby where I had a really great conversation with Steve Laube, one of the agents who really liked my One Sheet in the late night chat and who I had an appointment with the next day.

What happened exactly?

That’s another story.

When I walked into the packed room, I already had second thoughts.

It was after the agent and editor panel. Agent after agent, editor after editor had just told the assembly what they were looking for.

Bottom line.

A story that moved them.

That’s where my doubts and insecurities began to bubble up. My story wasn’t deep enough to move anyone. It was rather hokey in my opinion. Yet, I said I was going to submit and what better way to get instant feedback from three of the top agents in the CBA.

I walked into the room, stomach in knots, and found a couple of friends feeling the same way. We sat next to each other, handed our one sheets in and waited.

The first review wasn’t so good or the author. They went into detail why they wouldn’t be interested and they gave their opinion tactfully. Next one, same fate. And the next. And the next. My nerves increased with every not so good review.

Then the agents grabbed a one sheet and smiled. They read the title and tag line and the room chuckled.

It was MY one sheet!

Miracles or miracles. They liked the title. They like the tagline. They like the concept. They liked the layout!

To say I was relieved would be an understatement. I was thrilled.

After all my doubts and insecurities. Fears and second guessing, they liked it.

In fact, the agent (whom I had an appointment with later on in the week) said, “I’m meeting with her. Don’t talk to anyone else!”

If the conference had ended right there I think I would have gotten my money’s worth. It’s just the encouragement I needed to know I was on the right track, though as slow as it may be.

They went through about 30 or so other one sheets, ironically liking the ones of the people sitting in my row!

I don’t know if it was luck, grace or talent that caught the attention of the agents. But whatever it was, I’ll take it.

Later in the week I met with two of the three agents. Did they still like my concept? Did they want to represent me?

I’ll save that for next time!