Before I blog about my personal experience at Universal/Islands of Adventure (which was great by the way,) I need to get some things off my chest. If each park would tithe I really believe they could feed the WORLD! It’s incredible how much money they rake it. Mind you, I have no idea what it takes to keep the place clean and running, but come on, $12 for parking??? I could feed a kid for a month on $12!

But it’s not all their fault, is it? We’re the ones raking out the cash!

What is it about these establishments that make people pay $80 or more to stand in hour long lines to ride a 60 second ride. On paper it’s insane. The money people spend is insane. A hot dog meal for $7.50 is insane.

So why do we do it?

I have no clue, but if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it smart. Since my dad is a Florida resident we were able to get the resident rate and a two park two day deal for $71 for adults and a little less for kids. Yet, I think kids should be more close to $20 a ticket at Universal/Islands of Adventure since there are hardly any rides for them to ride!

I love the idea of the refill cups. Even at $6.99 a cup with 74 cent refills it’s a bargain since drinks cost $2.50 a pop. We’d refill our cup and share it between 6 or more people. To the park’s credit, they always gave us cups of ice (for free) when we asked for it, and each refill kept us satisfied until the next drink stop. By the end of day two, and sick of sugary drinks and pop, I decided to ask for water. They filled it up for FREE! So we stuck to the water refills and felt hydrated and refreshed.

We found buying a whole pizza or two was the best meal for us, though the Meal Deals were pretty tempting. For $10.99 (kids) and $ 20ish (for adults) you could eat as much as you want at designated locations. I seriously considered this, but since we only ate one meal a day and brought our own snacks, it wasn’t cost efficient for us.

Well, I guess that’s all I have to say for now on the subject. What’s your take on our entertainment crazed culture!

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I guess those of you who read regularly have noticed my Sunday and Wordful Wednesday post have been lacking. Mainly because I’ve been lacking a Word for the Lord, mainly because I haven’t spent quality time listening. Sure I pray daily, read my Bible, though not everyday, and only listen to Christian music, but as I write this I’m staring at the book “Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World.”

I’m a Martha. It’s so hard for me to be a Mary. But Mary knew to do the better thing. Even in the midst of the busyness of preparing for guest, she was drawn to the Masters feet. I’m not sure why I’m not drawn to His feet, I’m drawn to do. Maybe that’s the way God made me, but I know I can learn to be a Mary.

I know I can change because there was a time I would NEVER get up earlier than 9:00 or exercise daily. Now I do both. And I’ve been doing both consistently for over a year now. It’s a habit, a way of life. Now I just need to incorporate the things I know to do that helps me sit at Jesus’ feet.

One of them is blogging about scripture or a Bible study I’m doing. Obviously I haven’t been doing that. Hopefully that will change. I need it to change. I’m ready for it to change, but also scared Martha will take over.

Are you a Mary or a Martha? Do you struggle with balancing the two?

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Nothing frustrates me more than reading a book filled with lazy writing. I’m talking about dialogue tags and telling. So and so “said eagerly, or demanded or protested,” so and so “felt defensive, violated, etc.”

Anyone whose been studying the craft of writing for some time will tell you to nix the dialogue tags when at all possible and go with action beats. “Jenny, come here this minute.” Allison tapped her toe, hands firm on her hips. Not only does this eliminated the annoying “said” it also shows that Allison is angry or impatient. I didn’t have to say Allison felt angry because the reader sees it! The reader doesn’t have to be told, she gets it. What telling does is distance the reader from the character. Showing helps the reader experience the emotions of the character.

I’m reading two books right now that could be considered opposites in storytelling. One is suspense, tight writing, engaging, emotionally connected. The author doesn’t mince words, doesn’t use “said” and only tells when necessary for a transition.

The other book is general fiction, loose plot, not very engaging, blah characters, over use of “said” and telling. I can’t connect with the characters. I don’t feel their emotions and the lazy writing just plain irks me. I’ve never read this author before, might give her another chance because she’s very popular and has written over 100 books.

Yes, you read that right 100! Which brings me to a point to ponder. How can someone so prolific, who’s sold so many books, get so lazy in their writing? Or maybe it’s because this person whips out five books a year. Maybe she doesn’t have time to pour her best into her novels and it shows, at least in the current one I’m reading.

The other author, on the other hand, only writes one book a year. Aside from the intense plotting that goes into her suspense books, I see the toil and labor over every single word. Her writing is stellar, and it shows.

Which brings me to my second point to ponder. Do I want to be like this prolific writer, that cranks out book after book, but writing is lax? Or do I want to be an author that writes one great book a year?

I think I already know my answer!

You’ve read the post. What do you think? I’d love your thoughts on this issue and the books you’ve read lately.

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I have the opportunity to attend a Cecil Murphy mentoring clinic and I sort of have the money. I was saving up for ACFW, which I still plan on attending, but I put the money toward this mentoring clinic with this amazing author. Haven’t heard of him? That’s because he’s ghost written a gazillion books including the best seller 90 Minutes in Heaven. The price is steep for an unpublished writer, but the opportunity is invaluable.

Hubby not’s totally for it. Only sees the dollar signs and the fact that there’s no immediate turn around for the investment. But I have most of the cash and hope to earn the rest through ads on WI, hopefully!

So what do you think?

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Don’t let your cash get away from you this summer. Join me Saturdays here at Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted and get a grip on your cash flow and start sharing your savings ideas.

I don’t know about you, but I’m appalled at how quickly gas is rising, so I’m on a mission to think of ways for my family (and yours) to save money. If you have some fabulous ideas to save money this summer, then join me in posting one idea every Saturday.

Here are the official rules:

Write a summer money saving post and copy the logo and link back here to the Mr. Linky post

Invite others back here to view more tips on how to save money this summer

Sign Mr. Linky with the url of your Money Saving Post

Do NOT add a Mr. Linky to your blog, but encourage those who want to participate to visit here!

More on what to post:

You can share your ideas or some things you did the previous week to save (or make money.) I can’t wait to hear all the wonderful money saving tips you have. Don’t forget to share your money saving ideas and sign Mr. Linky! Here’s mine!

Downsize, Don’t Supersize. Eat fast food less: During the busy school year it’s nothing for us to drive through several times a week. Of course I tried to make sure we had cheap ($1 menu) and healthy (grilled chicken wraps) options, but I’m hoping our summer won’t be so busy that lunch will be on the go.

Another thing I’m doing is instead of buying that Grande latte, opt for the smallest one and limit it to once a weak or as a reward. Not only will your wallet thank you, but your waist will as well.

Now it’s your turn . Just click on Mr. Linky and a window will pop up. Add your contribution, browse other posts and start saving!

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ICRS interviews. Book reviews and promotions. Blog tours. Product reviews.

I’d love to say yes to them all, but I have to be very selective. I’m feeling the pressure and stress and it’s really not necessary. I can say “no.” I will say “no.” I must say “no.”

I’ll will have to weigh each request against the needs of myself and family. Each request takes time away from what I really want to do. I already feel overloaded at ICRS. I’m not sure how long these interviews will take and I’m afraid I’m stretching myself thin!

So in the next couple of weeks, I will have to cut back on my book promotions, blog tours and product reviews to step back and breath this summer. Hopefully I will gain much needed rest for my own spiritual, physical and family rejuvination!

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Even though I’m still re-evaluating if writing is something I should be doing at this time in my life, I am still very aware that I need to finish what I started. I’m going to make a concentrated effort to finish polishing my WIP in case the agent wants to see it. In fact I started edits (for spelling and such) yesterday and it’s amazing what a pair of fresh eyes can do. I’m still toying with the idea of making Mari single. Possible a widow in the middle of the book. I can handle that scenario the best if it comes to that.

So if the agent who’s hopefully reading it now or soon doesn’t want it, then that will just help me in the direction I need to go. Maybe. Or I may have to shop it around and wait a while longer…or start rewriting. Everything is up in the air, but I do now more balance needs to come to my life and family. And it already has!

If you’re of the praying persuasion, I could use all you got!

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I feel like I’ve come full circle from when I started this blog. (If you don’t know the story you can find it under my photo in the sidebar. Click Debut Post.) I started this blog when I felt God urging me to give up writing, specifically my WIP. I did and it was like a part of me died. But I grew closer to God, and I thought I was getting my priorities in order. Maybe I was fooling myself. Maybe I just traded one idol for another. Maybe I missed God.

I feel like I’m a cross road. My family’s needs and demands have slowly been neglected again while I seek comfort and escape to the blogosphere and pursue my own dreams. I’ve been telling myself that when my WIP is finished, when school is out, then I’ll get my house in order. Maybe I’m just fooling myself. While I feel like I’m doing some good to some out here who read my blog, should I be trying to do more good in my family? Maybe this blog should be titled Portrait of a Mom…Interrupted. Maybe my writing is an interruption in my life… I just don’t know anymore.

My husband doesn’t feel like I’ve been pulling my weight around the house. His exact words “I really don’t know what you do around here.” I understand what and why he said that. And there’s a measure of truth to his words. My mother has been living with us for four months and has been carrying the load of doing laundry and some cooking while I concentrated on my writing. I know I’ve taken advantage… My husband has always been wonderful about putting the kids to bed at night among his other self-imposed to do list. He rarely complains, but I can sense his disapproval when I’m writing and he thinks I should be doing something else.

I know I do a lot, but it looks like maybe it’s not enough. (Deep down I know it’s not enough.) I wish I were one of those moms that simply had dreams and goals to be the best mom, wife and homemaker, but I’m not. I hate most things domestic. I don’t clean or do laundry on a schedule, but they get done. I wish I wasn’t like this. I wish God would take away my other desires, at least during this time of my life. I think maybe he is.

My husband thinks I spend about four hours a day on the computer. I don’t think I do…but I often run to the computer when I’m tired or need a break. And I know I take advantage of his servant heart more times than I should. I’ve been feeling the conviction myself to get on a schedule a routine and I started one today with the kids, but maybe it’s not enough.

Maybe I need to do more at home and less here. I don’t know. Or maybe I do know, and I don’t like the answer.

I feel like a complete failure at this balancing thing. I’ve interviewed hundreds of moms who do it and yet I still can’t make it work in my life. Maybe balance isn’t for me. Maybe I’m an all or nothing kind of person. I don’t know. I don’t know much or anything anymore except I feel like I’ve come full circle again and I’m not sure what to do about it.

Maybe I need some time to sort it all out. Maybe I need a blogging sabbatical to focus on my family more. I don’t know. All I know is that what I’m doing is not working for my family again. But honestly, I don’t think not blogging or not writing will fix everything that needs to be fixed, but it might be a start. How I hate the dying to self thing! It seems to do everyone else good except me!

Here I’ve come full circle, Lord. Now what?

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Never Say Diet by Chantel Hobbs

What they Say:

Chantel Hobbs, a mother of four, recounts her struggles with obesity, body image and health in Never Say Diet. Realizing that choosing to live well was one of the best gifts she could give her family, Chantel is so excited to encourage YOU this Mother’s Day to take the small but meaningful steps towards a healthier life. Ditch the diet! Buy some new skinny jeans! And don’t forget to read the five tips to get your family fit this spring.

What I Say: 

I’ve been exercising regularly for several years now, but with each birthday came a few extra pounds. I had to face facts. I was getting older and my metabolism was slowing down. No matter how much I exercised the scale fluctuated five pounds. I could never break the invisible barrier.  I guess part of me didn’t think I could unless I really cut back on my food. But my draw to food was still strong and I was still eating more calories than I seemed to be burning.

Then I got Never Say Diet in the mail. I thought, “what the heck, it really couldn’t hurt.” My heart was desperate to shed the last 20 or so of my baby weight, but my mind just gave up on it ever happening. When I started to read Chantel’s story of weighing over 300 lbs. and getting a healthy, lean, I started to get encouraged. Her no nonsense writing style was refreshing especially since it came from someone who was severely obese and not a skinny, size zero personal trainer. The one thing that Chantel said, that I had known, was that I needed to change my brain about food. I don’t know whether it was her book, or summer and not really feeling like cooking big meals, but I started to see a change in my appetite. I didn’t really feel like eating as much as I had been, plus I started increasing my workout intensity and I actually saw a drop in the scales.

I remember, before this book, telling my friend how it seemed to try and diet and that I really needed a gift from God. A gift of weight loss to get me motivated again. Well, it only took two pounds and I felt my hope rise. Maybe I can actually lose the weight!

Though this week has been wrought with one birthday party after the other, and I did indulge in cake and ice cream several times already, my normal meals have been less, and I’m sticking to what Chantel said to do. The first month of her commitment to get fit, she only concentrated on exercise and still ate the way she used to. So I’m still on track. I’ve been working out 20-30 everyday with increasing intensity and it feels good to sweat a little more than usual.

I’m not all the way through the book, but I’m excited to be on this journey in hopes and anticipation that I’ll never say diet again!

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Not get much house cleaning done! That’s for sure!

I have a confession to make. I hate to clean house, do laundry, do dishes, etc. For a while I was blessed with having someone come to my house every other week and mop the floor, clean the bathrooms and dust. But that came to an end a while ago.

In between cleaning visits, Clorox Wipes were my best friend! Now that I don’t have anyone cleaning for me, they’re are a life saver! I use them for everything. From spot cleaning the kitchen floor, to cleaning around the toilet, and on the sink and faucets. They come out when I see a fresh dirt hand print on the wall or to clean dust bunnies from corners. I don’t know what I’d do without them.

When Clorox came out with their new disinfecting wipes, I was eager to try the sample they sent. I immediately noticed they had a stronger smell. They package says they’re thicker and they claim to cut through, sticky messes easily. I decided to test their claim:

I compared original Clorox wipes with the new disinfecting wipes and I have to admit the newer ones are thicker and I love the griping, suction cup like protrusions that help scrub up dirt. I used them to wipe bird droppings off my car window, to clean up dog hair hiding in the corners of my kitchen, and to clean my mirrors. And it’s true, there were no streaks. Next task is to clean up the dried up egg on my smooth top stove! A true test of the products worth!

More info:

Clorox Disinfecting Wipes are bleach-free and are safe to use on hard surfaces from glass and stainless steel to marble and granite. The new wipes also contain a streak-free formula that makes them ideal for quick cleaning of mirrors, windows, and metal fixtures. And, as always, the Clorox Disinfecting Wipes kill 99.9% of bacteria, including salmonella, E.coli and the flu virus. Well, my family has been flu free for years WITHOUT getting the flu vaccine so maybe there’s something to this claim!

I have a container of Clorox wipes under every sink and need to get one for my car. They truly are a busy moms life and time saver!

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It’s been a little quiet around here! I know, I know this blog has been book review heavy and such, but that’s because I’ve been living life, meeting deadlines, and LOVE to help promote fellow writers.

I just started Twittering, so my day to day activities are recorded there. But I’d love to honor my faithful readers and coax you to comment by offering a contest for FREE books!

So start commenting on NEXT WEEK’S posts including today and tomorrow! The person with the most comments at the end of next week will win a box of books. Contest starts on the 9th so don’t forget to comment on the post BEFORE this one and the contest ends Saturday, May 17th, and I’ll try and email the winner on the 18th or 19th!

The books will include but are not limited to:

Fiction:

Coming Unglued by Rebeca Seitz
The Penny by Joyce Meyer (currently reading and enjoying this one!)

Nonfiction:

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not by Trish Ryan
I’m starting to rethink my priorities and if readers aren’t connecting with me, then I’m not doing my job here. Hopefully now that my WIP is turned in I’ll have more creative energy to pour into this blog! Thanks for sticking with me!

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Chris made an interesting observation while he was on a weekend field trip with his junior high. “I’m really nice when I’m away from home.”

At home Chris is characterized by being bossy, nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty with his siblings, especially the two that rub him the wrong way.

I can relate to Chris’ words because I feel and act the same way. Within the walls of my home I tend to be bossy (ask my hubby), nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty. Though I don’t want to be this way, and know it is wrong, more times than I care to admit my flesh takes over. It’s like what the apostle Paul said, the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Growing up in a divorced, dysfunctional home, I learned to take care of myself and protect myself emotionally. When I sensed criticism or an attack coming my way, I immediately put on my armor, drew my sword and started swinging. My choleric/melancholy (oftentimes sarcastic) personality didn’t help things either. When I gave my life to Christ at fifteen, I did change some. I eased up on the sarcasm, and didn’t hang out with my partying friends, but in my home I still battled a critical mother and a sister who I knew was sent straight from the pit of hell to torture me.

College was where I felt a reprieve. To date it’s the happiest time of my life. I had confidence, and oozed joy soaking up the love and acceptance from new friends and Godly teachers. Though I did go through emotional stresses and pain, in college I was the best me I could be. Then I got married and all the ugliness of my childhood surfaced again.

Sixteen years and four kids later, and I feel I’m probably at my worst. Selfishness rears it’s ugly little head every day in subtle ways and not just in me. I’m sure part of Chris’ problem has been modeled by me and the other part is that he is sooo much like me.

I think sometime over the years our family got lazy and started thinking that a family/marriage is all about what you can get out of it, not what you can give. I know in my heart a family should be giving more than taking, but when it’s caught in the whirlwind of chaos, it’s so hard to switch directions. All our good intentions get blindsided or distracted. And even though I know I can’t do this family thing right without Jesus, he’s usually consulted on matters after the fact.

Last night I had a talk with hubby about how I think our parenting has turned into damage control and not really disciplining. I have all these plans to change that, to change my family, to change me…but I need the Lord’s help!

I can so relate to Chris’ revelation. It’s easier to be nice when you’re away from family. I don’t like that reality and I want it to change. I want my whole family to change the way they treat each other and I know that it starts with me. Or rather it starts with Jesus. For the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!

What things does your family do to keep the nasties away?

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How can I be everything to everyone?

A mother, parent, teacher, homeroom mom, field trip attendee, housekeeper, cook, wife, shopper, chauffer, writer, blogger, not to mention a helper to my mother who’s been living with us for two and a half months.

Her living here has been much better than I expected, and I admit I do let things go around the house knowing she’ll probably do it. But if she wasn’t here, I’d probably let things go anyway. I’ve been at her disposal when she needs helps, but how do I keep it up? How do I continue to meet everyone’s needs (while my family neglects my own) and continue to put on a happy face?

I’m sorry, I just can’t do it on my own. I get snippy way too often and don’t try to hide my annoyance. My mom has picked up on it and has called me on it. But she does the same thing with my kids! Doesn’t anyone else see all the pressure I’m under? Not only do I have a house full of kids which I’ve cared for the last 13 years (just me and hubby) without the help of family, but now I have a live-in mom who has needs she expects me to meet, and be cheerful doing it.

I’m sorry if I’m not able to be everything to everyone. I’m sorry I’m not chipper when I’m feeling pulled and stretched liked taffy, and I’m sorry I tend to escape to my computer to hide away from the demands and chaos of my life. Sometimes escaping is all I have energy for!

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Not only does my house need a spring cleaning hose down, so does my daily routine. It seems since Christmas I’ve been off schedule. The only thing on schedule is my exercise routine. Though if you looked at the scale you wouldn’t be able to tell.

I keep putting my house and my daily chores off. Eventually they get done…by my mother who’s living with us for a while. But what happens when she leaves?

I tell myself after I turn in this WIP I will __________. You name it! And I really mean it. It’s just that when I only have 6-8 hours a week to edit and half of that time is interrupted by life )and the next few weeks it will be interrupted by field trips, school plays, science fairs and Americana Day,) it seems like AFTER will never come.

So I think it’s time to move up AFTER to tomorrow! Well, maybe the day after tomorrow! I need to put my house back in order (literally and figuratively) and probably the best place to start is writing out a schedule! Something my choleric self hates, and my melancholy self loves, but soon after I write up the schedule it gets interrupted throwing me…off schedule! Big sigh!

But a lack of planning is a guarantee that not a whole lot is getting done. So it’s time to do some spring cleaning, no matter how much I hate it! It’s time to reorganize and regroup and maybe make a spread sheet or two (haven’t done that since homeschooling!)

Who knows, maybe, just maybe I’ll finish my WIP sooner than expected and have a clean house and home before summer!

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Tonight I’m going to my church’s first ever Good Friday service. My pastor believes Christians focus too much on the resurrection and rush over the part about Christ sacrificing for our sins in a most brutal and painful way. His goal is to take us through the events of Good Friday and make us so utterly depressed and devistated that the glory and miracle of Easter will be rebirthed on Sunday morning.

I’m looking forward to this because too many times I rush through Easter and never take time to really reflect on what happened on calvary. I’m looking forward to focusing on Jesus’ sacrifice and not making Spring Baskets, or finishing school projects, or deciding when we will have our Easter Seder.

I’m looking forward to experiencing Christ’s sacrifice!

UPDATE:

We went to Good Friday services and though I would have liked it to be a super spiritual experience, my five year old next to me prevented me from totally entering in. Grace sat really still most of the time, playing with her Mariposa pixies, interjecting questions about the pictures of Jesus up on the screen. At one point she saw Gibson’s Jesus with the crown and blood and said “that looks painful. I wouldn’t want to be Jesus.” Finally, when it was almost all over, I let her climb up on my lap and loved on her as I listened to the final words of Jesus and how he loved on me!

My five year old gets what Good Friday is all about and though it lacked the spiritual experience I had hoped for, it drove home the point. What Jesus did was painful, and I’m so glad he did it for me!

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If you’re reading this blog I assume you’re either:

a) desperate for some reading materials

b) are a writer…interrupted

c) or love reading

d) other

If you fall under B or C, then why aren’t more of you entering my contests for free books. Maybe you’re skipping the book reviews and author interviews on my blog. Now I totally understand if you don’t have the time or desire to read them, but are you aware that I give away BOOKS on many of those posts? And I’ve just made arrangements with some book publicists to give even more away. So if you like to read or know someone who likes to read, at least skim the post to see what you have to do to enter.

Just wanted to let readers know so they won’t miss out of FREE books!

Oh, and for curiosity sake and a FREE BOOK, answer the question above and win something off my book shelf…

CONTEST CLOSED!

Congrats to : lovedandamazed

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This past weekend we took the kids and my mom to the local circus. It’s always a thrill to sit in the big arena and watch all the animal, dare devil and acrobatic acts. Though while my eyes flitted from ring to ring trying to soak it all in I noticed my little girl was more interested in finding the cotton candy man.

During some of the acts, especially they extremely long animal acts, I found my mind wandering to book plots and titles. I can up with two cozy mysteries. One taking place in a circus! I guess only time will tell if they will ever come into being

But it wasn’t until later, when I got home that I began to see my life was like a three ring circus, and I’m trying to perform in all three!

There’s the ring of parenting, writing and faith and throw in my renewed effort to really work on being the best wife I could be!

I’m certainly not the main attraction in any of these arenas. In fact, often times I feel more like the lion tamer fighting off parenting problems, writing interruption and faith distractions. But still I’m on stage, putzing along, doing my best and hoping that maybe just maybe one day I’ll get it right!

Okay, this analogy is really hurting and I guess it’s a testimony to how tired and scattered I am. But you get the meaning of this post. Maybe one day I’ll be able to write a really good post about my life as a three ring circus. Until then, I’ll keep jumping from ring to ring!

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Did you ever feel like you have so much to do you don’t know where to start? That you’re being stretched like Mrs. Incredible and are about to snap?

Well that’s how I feel right now! I’m trying to finish edits on my WIP in the midst of scheduling doctors appointments, acquiring donations for my kids school fundraiser for THREE classes, on top of planning activities for this fundraiser (Americana Day) and setting up displays for two of these classes, and rewriting a play for one, typing out my recipes for a cook book, and getting performers to come and that’s not even considering all the work it will take to decorate the rooms. Tomorrow I have a meeting for one of the class projects that I haven’t even begun work on. The good news is that I delegated a lot of the work already, but my train wreck of a house has been stressing me out for months, but I just keep stepping over the toys and clutter, and now my husband informed me over Spring break my son wants a sleep over birthday party! ARGH!

If my mom wasn’t staying with me the laundry wouldn’t be getting done and neither would most of the cooking. She’s really been helpful in cooking and chopping veggies, so I feel healthier, physically, I’m just drained mentally. I’m surrounded by clutter and don’t know where to start, and I still have a list of people to call for other various meetings and a doctor appointment to take my mother to tomorrow!

My hubby doesn’t understand that I don’t want kids in this house because every where I turn there’s either kid clutter, mom (my mom) clutter, year old homeschool clutter, and WIP work cluttering my desk. I really wanted this spring break to be a time I could declutter my home and now I may have to be entertaining kids! ARGH! Feeling like a pirate here!

Hubby says I shouldn’t worry, and not to stress, but he has no clue how much needs to be done, and I don’t want to be pressured into doing it and then have two days full of noisy boys in my home. I really don’t want to have a sleepover in this house at all. At first it was going to be at a hotel. I’m not sure why it changed, but I really can’t deal with it right now. I have too much going on, too much to worry about, and too much stress!

Thanks for listening. We now return to your regularly posted blog…

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In my last whine, I mentioned that I got really mad at hubby. If I hadn’t have had a rough time with my teen earlier that day, I probably could have handled the situation better, but I didn’t. Though to my credit, I didn’t engage in my ritualistic hip reaction of anger. Instead, I internalized my feelings and let him “know” how I felt in a more biting than loving way.

It’s so petty, I’m almost embarrassed to share it, but it’s not the act that hurts as much as the lack of consideration. Before I share I really need to confess I do similar things. In fact, it seems our parenting resembles a WWF tag team than a partnership. While one parent is doing the parenting thing the other one is usually chillin’. I am soooo guilty of this and often let the bed time routine fall to my hubby so I can chill online, so I really shouldn’t even be complaining, but…

I did have a whole paragraph explaining what happened which revolved around our WWF tag team parenting style, but after I talked with hubby I realized it was more a lack of communication than a lack of consideration. So I’m choosing to let it go which is HUGE considering I’m the one who likes to beat issues to death.

God’s been nudging my heart in areas of my parenting and marriage, and it’s a painful and a lonely road to walk, but it’s a good road. A necessary road. I’m just hoping that finally, this is the break through I need in my family and that I won’t stray from the path. That the same message God is speaking to me through a Bible study, and two separate unrelated books, sticks!

I’m ready to cross over into the Promised Land. I’m ready to walk in freedom, and I’m ready to walk through the desert alone (with God) to get there!

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family stuff is going pretty smoothly so I don’t have much to whine about!:)

Ha!

Today was a really rough day. Just when I thought I was enjoying my teen (with minor exceptions to normal moodiness,) he pushed me back over the edge! Unfortunately my moms says he’s a lot like me at his age. Except I wasn’t as disrespectful as he is. Maybe because deep down we do have a good talking relationship, and he feels he can “share.” Maybe it’s because he’s just thick headed and always thinks he’s right!

It started last night. He did something he thought was justified because it prevented his little sister from invading his privacy. When I asked him to apologize he said, “No, I didn’t do anything wrong.” I disagreed with him and asked him apologize again. He refused again and justified his “wrong” behavior. We went back a forth for about a minute, but instead of engaging in a tirade, I took away his game time with weekend and walked away…angry and disappointed. He had a typical outburst of something to the effect of “Great! No matter what I do you take away my PS2 time.”

Today the subject of his disobedience/defiance/rebellion came up again. He said he’s standing by what’s right, no matter what and it doesn’t matter if I take something away because I’m going to take it away anyway and there’s nothing more that really matters to him.

We talked some more about his disrespect, but he doesn’t see it. He thinks he’s right, and I tried to tell him, that was fine to think he was right, but his choices had consequences, and he had to be willing to live with them. He still doesn’t get it and thinks I’m out to ruin his life. (Doesn’t every teenager?) But what really gets me, what really hurts and brings me to tears is the disrespect and the fact I don’t know what to do about it.

We talked some more and both settled down. I shared my heart about some things, and we ended on a good note. But not a repentive one.

Later his attitude seemed to change, and he came down happy and silly and fun again. But still no apology to me or his sister. So I’m not sure what to do? Do I force him into submission? (Never worked for me as a child or adult.) Do I let it go? Or do I address the issue again?

You know, I think I already know the answer. I should pray. But it’s so hard to do ONLY that. I know I need to let the Holy Spirit do the work. He’s done his job in the past when I let him, but it’s so hard because it hurts so much not only for myself, but I hurt for my son.

To top off this lousy night, I got really made at hubby…but I’ll save that for another post!

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