One of our sons is incredibly mean and horrible to the other. We’ve tried everything, but this son picks at and says awful things to the other one. His attitude and hatred in his heart at times is wrenching to me and those who here this verbal abuse.

We’ve tried it all. No Ps2, no friends, etc. Sometimes it works…for a while, then he goes back. The root of the problem is selfishness and we’ve even had him memorize scripture. It’s encouraging when I see his heart soften, but it can harden up so quickly.

Well, we’ve committed to getting tougher with him. In fact, while on line at Universal for the Pteradon Flyer ride ( a 60 minute wait) his attitude became unbearable. After several warnings and nearing the end of the line (which was more like a 30 minute wait) I said he was NOT going on the ride. At first he was shocked and I looked to my husband for support. I felt myself waver, but my husband agreed! My son flared his nostril and gave the evil eye to me and his brother, but we all boarded the ride without him.

His attitude seemed to settle down for a while, but days later he’s back to picking at people (not just his brother, but sister also.) It’s so difficult to know what to do. Most of it is selfishness and it’s NOT just the age. He’s been like this for a looong time. If anyone has any suggestions I’m open to it. Something really needs to happen in his heart (and I’ve seen it soften so I know it’s not hopeless,) but I’m at a loss what to do!

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Grace has been asking for the Barbie Mariposa video ever since it started being advertising on television. In fact, she’s been asking for EVERTHING she’s seem advertised on TV. I usually say. Maybe for your birthday, and that usually quits her down. But there’s something about his Mariposa video that keeps her asking. I think it has to do with the fact her friends at school play “Mariposa” on the play ground.

The other day at Sam’s I saw the video and it was decently priced at a little over $12, so I picked it up and thought it’d surprise her with it for Easter. When I brought it inside, I hid it between some books and a my photos, then continued to bring in the rest of the groceries with help from Grace (5) and Timmy (7.) I should have hid it away in the cabinet right above where I left it, but I thought it was safe. Seconds later she runs to me with a huge smile on her face. “You got Mariposa!”

I got upset and raised my voice to her saying something like “Why’d you go and look at it?” Not my finest parenting moment (or my worst) and instantly her little sweet disposition melted into tears and a face that crushes a mother’s heart. She said it was right there starring at her and she didn’t look for it. Which was true! I should have gotten down on eye level and I would have seen it was positioned perfectly for five year old eyes to see. I quickly apologized and reaffirmed it wasn’t her fault, but told her she would have to wait.

Later, my mom (whose moved her from NY and has been living with us for 2 months now) informs me Grace has been climbing all over the place looking every where for that Mariposa video. This morning, in her sweetest, most sincere voice she says:

“Mom, you’re a really good hider of Mariposa. When I grow up and become a mom will you show where your hiding spot is so I can hide things from my kids?”

I smiled, took her in my arms, plastering kisses all over her face! “Sure, I will!”

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Chris made an interesting observation while he was on a weekend field trip with his junior high. “I’m really nice when I’m away from home.”

At home Chris is characterized by being bossy, nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty with his siblings, especially the two that rub him the wrong way.

I can relate to Chris’ words because I feel and act the same way. Within the walls of my home I tend to be bossy (ask my hubby), nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty. Though I don’t want to be this way, and know it is wrong, more times than I care to admit my flesh takes over. It’s like what the apostle Paul said, the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Growing up in a divorced, dysfunctional home, I learned to take care of myself and protect myself emotionally. When I sensed criticism or an attack coming my way, I immediately put on my armor, drew my sword and started swinging. My choleric/melancholy (oftentimes sarcastic) personality didn’t help things either. When I gave my life to Christ at fifteen, I did change some. I eased up on the sarcasm, and didn’t hang out with my partying friends, but in my home I still battled a critical mother and a sister who I knew was sent straight from the pit of hell to torture me.

College was where I felt a reprieve. To date it’s the happiest time of my life. I had confidence, and oozed joy soaking up the love and acceptance from new friends and Godly teachers. Though I did go through emotional stresses and pain, in college I was the best me I could be. Then I got married and all the ugliness of my childhood surfaced again.

Sixteen years and four kids later, and I feel I’m probably at my worst. Selfishness rears it’s ugly little head every day in subtle ways and not just in me. I’m sure part of Chris’ problem has been modeled by me and the other part is that he is sooo much like me.

I think sometime over the years our family got lazy and started thinking that a family/marriage is all about what you can get out of it, not what you can give. I know in my heart a family should be giving more than taking, but when it’s caught in the whirlwind of chaos, it’s so hard to switch directions. All our good intentions get blindsided or distracted. And even though I know I can’t do this family thing right without Jesus, he’s usually consulted on matters after the fact.

Last night I had a talk with hubby about how I think our parenting has turned into damage control and not really disciplining. I have all these plans to change that, to change my family, to change me…but I need the Lord’s help!

I can so relate to Chris’ revelation. It’s easier to be nice when you’re away from family. I don’t like that reality and I want it to change. I want my whole family to change the way they treat each other and I know that it starts with me. Or rather it starts with Jesus. For the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!

What things does your family do to keep the nasties away?

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I think I got this entry in just in time! Check out the link for other great giveaways!

Motherhood is like trying to wrangle a runaway hose! As a mom, it seems like most of my time is spent trying to tame my children into submission, or make them behave, or teach them which way to go. But oh, there are those wonderful quiet times, when the fight isn’t there. When they readily hear and come and nestle up beside me. It is then I drink in the cool joy of motherhood. It is then all the wrestling of motherhood is forgotten. It is then I understand what God meant when he said children are a blessing!

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Do Hard Things

A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations

by Alex and Brett Harris

What they say:

Teenagers Alex and Brett Harris are challenging their generation to rebel against the low expectations of our culture. Teens can use this time in their lives for growth toward a purpose.

Written when they were 18 years old, Do Hard Things is the Harris twins’ revolutionary message in its purest and most compelling form, giving readers a tangible glimpse of what is possible for teens who actively resist cultural lies that limit their potential. Combating the idea of adolescence as a vacation from responsibility, the authors weave together biblical insights, history, and modern examples to redefine the teen years as the launching pad of life and map a clear trajectory for long-term fulfillment and eternal impact.

Written by teens for teens, Do Hard Things is packed with humorous personal anecdotes, practical examples, and stories of real-life rebelutionaries in action. This rallying cry from the heart of revolution already in progress challenges the next generation to lay claim to a brighter future, starting today.

With over 10 million hits to their website TheRebelution.com, Alex and Brett Harris are leading the charge in a growing movement of Christian young people who are rebelling against the low expectations of their culture by choosing to “do hard things” for the glory of God.

What I say:

It’s very encouraging to read how these brothers began their Rebelution through blogging. You can definitely see God’s hand in where they are today. In a world where teenagers look to the media and society to tell them how to act and dress and feel, Brett and Alex are a breath of fresh air. What’s even more encouraging is that they’re not alone in wanting to do HARD things and reach their potential in Christ. At 19 yrs. they’ve obtained far greater things and a level of maturity than most 30 years old and their message is that teens want to make a difference in this world. There are many young adults out there wanting to do hard things!

I’m only on the fifth chapter and while I LOVE the message, I’m wondering how this will catch on with those teens who have less drive and ambition and do wallow in low expectations. Thinking about my own kid here who’s 13 and at this point in his life would never pick up this book. He doesn’t so much have low expectations, but he’s not into doing hard things. I’m hoping this book will give me, a mom, some insight into how to get my son to rebel! I don’t see this book doing that. I see it as a tool for kids who already feel that there’s something more, something they might be missing. But if I’m wrong please tell me!

I definitely see this as a great youth group study guide. Maybe I’ll have to give a copy to my church! If you want a copy, then leave a message. One lucky person will win! And if you’re a teen who comments, I’ll enter your name in TWICE! Just let me know!

Here’s more about the Harris twins!

Alex and Brett have been featured in the New York Times, World Net Daily, and World. Their Rebelution Tour is hitting cities across the country, challenging teens to not meet but exceed our culture’s now expectations for teens.”

To read endorsements from real teens, parents, and youth workers, visit TheRebelution.com

Need more info?
Book Description from Amazon

A growing movement of young people is rebelling against the low expectations of today’s culture by choosing to “do hard things” for the glory of God. And Alex and Brett Harris are leading the charge.

Do Hard Things is the Harris twins’ revolutionary message in its purest and most compelling form, giving readers a tangible glimpse of what is possible for teens who actively resist cultural lies that limit their potential.

Combating the idea of adolescence as a vacation from responsibility, the authors weave together biblical insights, history, and modern examples to redefine the teen years as the launching pad of life. Then they map out five powerful ways teens can respond for personal and social change.

Check it out and leave a message to get your teen or soon to be teen a copy!  Or click here to buy! Do Hard Things

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This past weekend we took the kids and my mom to the local circus. It’s always a thrill to sit in the big arena and watch all the animal, dare devil and acrobatic acts. Though while my eyes flitted from ring to ring trying to soak it all in I noticed my little girl was more interested in finding the cotton candy man.

During some of the acts, especially they extremely long animal acts, I found my mind wandering to book plots and titles. I can up with two cozy mysteries. One taking place in a circus! I guess only time will tell if they will ever come into being

But it wasn’t until later, when I got home that I began to see my life was like a three ring circus, and I’m trying to perform in all three!

There’s the ring of parenting, writing and faith and throw in my renewed effort to really work on being the best wife I could be!

I’m certainly not the main attraction in any of these arenas. In fact, often times I feel more like the lion tamer fighting off parenting problems, writing interruption and faith distractions. But still I’m on stage, putzing along, doing my best and hoping that maybe just maybe one day I’ll get it right!

Okay, this analogy is really hurting and I guess it’s a testimony to how tired and scattered I am. But you get the meaning of this post. Maybe one day I’ll be able to write a really good post about my life as a three ring circus. Until then, I’ll keep jumping from ring to ring!

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In my last whine, I mentioned that I got really mad at hubby. If I hadn’t have had a rough time with my teen earlier that day, I probably could have handled the situation better, but I didn’t. Though to my credit, I didn’t engage in my ritualistic hip reaction of anger. Instead, I internalized my feelings and let him “know” how I felt in a more biting than loving way.

It’s so petty, I’m almost embarrassed to share it, but it’s not the act that hurts as much as the lack of consideration. Before I share I really need to confess I do similar things. In fact, it seems our parenting resembles a WWF tag team than a partnership. While one parent is doing the parenting thing the other one is usually chillin’. I am soooo guilty of this and often let the bed time routine fall to my hubby so I can chill online, so I really shouldn’t even be complaining, but…

I did have a whole paragraph explaining what happened which revolved around our WWF tag team parenting style, but after I talked with hubby I realized it was more a lack of communication than a lack of consideration. So I’m choosing to let it go which is HUGE considering I’m the one who likes to beat issues to death.

God’s been nudging my heart in areas of my parenting and marriage, and it’s a painful and a lonely road to walk, but it’s a good road. A necessary road. I’m just hoping that finally, this is the break through I need in my family and that I won’t stray from the path. That the same message God is speaking to me through a Bible study, and two separate unrelated books, sticks!

I’m ready to cross over into the Promised Land. I’m ready to walk in freedom, and I’m ready to walk through the desert alone (with God) to get there!

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family stuff is going pretty smoothly so I don’t have much to whine about!:)

Ha!

Today was a really rough day. Just when I thought I was enjoying my teen (with minor exceptions to normal moodiness,) he pushed me back over the edge! Unfortunately my moms says he’s a lot like me at his age. Except I wasn’t as disrespectful as he is. Maybe because deep down we do have a good talking relationship, and he feels he can “share.” Maybe it’s because he’s just thick headed and always thinks he’s right!

It started last night. He did something he thought was justified because it prevented his little sister from invading his privacy. When I asked him to apologize he said, “No, I didn’t do anything wrong.” I disagreed with him and asked him apologize again. He refused again and justified his “wrong” behavior. We went back a forth for about a minute, but instead of engaging in a tirade, I took away his game time with weekend and walked away…angry and disappointed. He had a typical outburst of something to the effect of “Great! No matter what I do you take away my PS2 time.”

Today the subject of his disobedience/defiance/rebellion came up again. He said he’s standing by what’s right, no matter what and it doesn’t matter if I take something away because I’m going to take it away anyway and there’s nothing more that really matters to him.

We talked some more about his disrespect, but he doesn’t see it. He thinks he’s right, and I tried to tell him, that was fine to think he was right, but his choices had consequences, and he had to be willing to live with them. He still doesn’t get it and thinks I’m out to ruin his life. (Doesn’t every teenager?) But what really gets me, what really hurts and brings me to tears is the disrespect and the fact I don’t know what to do about it.

We talked some more and both settled down. I shared my heart about some things, and we ended on a good note. But not a repentive one.

Later his attitude seemed to change, and he came down happy and silly and fun again. But still no apology to me or his sister. So I’m not sure what to do? Do I force him into submission? (Never worked for me as a child or adult.) Do I let it go? Or do I address the issue again?

You know, I think I already know the answer. I should pray. But it’s so hard to do ONLY that. I know I need to let the Holy Spirit do the work. He’s done his job in the past when I let him, but it’s so hard because it hurts so much not only for myself, but I hurt for my son.

To top off this lousy night, I got really made at hubby…but I’ll save that for another post!

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I can’t believe it’s show time again. Well, not action show time, but audition for their school’s production of The Music Man is tomorrow. Their small Classical Christian school is non for is top notch performances which is great, but also means there’s a chance they might not get the big parts they are getting used to getting. But they don’t really mind. They just want to have fun with all their friends.

They went to a workshop last Saturday which was fun. Then I saw the rehearsal schedule. Not so fun! They will be practicing Tuesday and Thursdays from 3- 6pm which is better than the last show they were in which was from 7-9pm, but on Tuesdays and Thursdays they get out at 1:30pm. I really don’t want to run home for an hour and then run back, plus I have to pick up Grace at 2:45 at her school. So I’m not quite sure how that’s all going to work out yet. But the worse part of the practices is that they have them also on Saturday morning from 9-noon!

I guess this schedule isn’t any worse than Chris’ schedule last year playing baseball (which he missed tryouts because they were last month! Last month?) But he said he doesn’t even watch Saturday morning cartoons anymore. Which really just means he’s excited about this show.

The only big concern I have is that Chris’ grades might suffer. His grades went down several points in some subjects when he was doing Narnia, but he reminded me that at least he won’t be getting to bed late and he can do his homework after practice. As it is he spends all his time in his room doing homework when he gets home from school. I asked him today which he liked better homeschool with no homework or school with friends.

He said, “When I was homeschooled I had lots of time to play but no friends to play with. At school I have no time to play, but lots of friends.”

I was thinking how much I’ve been enjoying Chris (13) this year and how agreeable he’s been, hardly arguing about things I ask him to do. It’s night and day compared to when we homeschooled. In fact, so much in this family has change since I’ve put them in school. I have really changed. I have more peace. More patience and I’m able to handle stress better. I still spend too much time on the computer, but I’m working on it.

Still, I’ll thinking about bringing Timmy home next year for 3rd grade. I really don’t have a good reason why. His teacher adores him and he loves his friends (not the work.) He gets great grades, but I’d still like to have him home and homeschool him. I miss sitting down as a family reading about science and history which they don’t get enough of in a fun way at school. And I think it would be more fun to homeschool Grace with Timmy. Yes, I’m planning on homeschooler her (God help me! I really mean it!) But I think it’s the best thing for her. Not sure if it’s the best thing for me.

So that’s the update on the family. I really wish I was able to be that laid back, homeschooled, Charolette Mason, unschooler, but God didn’t design me that way. I’m not sure if I’ve totally given up that dream, yet, but the way I feel now compared to the way we all felt homeschooling is undescribable. I feel like Job after God restored all he had lost.

Hey, that sounds like the makings of a really good devotional. I’ll have to give it some thought!

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Brenda Nixon grew up, as the middle child, in Ohio, Brenda worked as a nanny and preschool teacher following college. She moved to Missouri where she married, had her first daughter, earned a Masters Degree in Religious Education, had her second daughter, worked as a hospital chaplain, parent educator, and then served as the parenting expert on FOX TV4 in Kansas City. In 2001, her first book Parenting Power in the Early Years was published and she, along with her family, returned to Ohio. Today, she speaks nationally, writes, and teaches on child behavior/parenting.

As a mom of two grown daughters, Brenda Nixon shares her insights into parenting and writing.
Please be sure to visit Brenda’s next stop on January 16th at Mommy Come Lately by Beth K. Vogt. You can also check out her previous stop at Unretouched Photo by Melodee. And Writer…Interrutped for interview on kids’ temperaments.

1. Tell us a little about your family and your call to write.

I’ve been married to my husband as long as I’ve known him. We met in February, had our first date in March and were married in November. Twenty-nine years and two daughters later, we’re still happily in love and married. I can’t say I’ve had a call to write; but I have a call to minister to parents across the board. My expression of that call is through speaking and writing in both the secular and faith-based communities. If you want a bit of history you can read an interesting write-up recently posted on my college website

http://www.olivet.edu/admissions/adm_news_story.asp?iNewsID=1004&strBack=/news/news_ar chive.asp

2. How did you get your first “writing break?”

What I intended as a letter to the editor of a magazine, turned into my first piece of paid writing. The editor liked what I had to say and did a bit of editing on my letter, which he turned into an article. He phoned me to say he was going to publish and pay me. I was so new to writing that it surprised me to receive money for my opinion.

3. What do you write?

Most of my writing focuses on child and family issues; my consistent clients are in the Parenting Publications of America (PPA). As a freelance writer, Focus on the Family, CBN.com and other secular and Christian publications assign me articles or purchase reprints of my work. Some of my online parenting articles are:

“Bedtime Resistance Remedy” http://christianwomentoday.com/parenting/bedtime.html ;
“Waiting for Your Milk” at iparenting.com http://breastfeed.com/articles/4104.php ; and
“Guiding Kids through Grief” at cbn.com http://www.cbn.com/family/parenting/nixon_childrengrief.aspx.

Also, I write articles on writing; here’s “Book Promotion Basics” at willwrite4food.com
http://www.willwrite4food.com/articles.php?articleId=87.

4. Do you have any recent contracts and up coming releases?

Thankfully yes. As I answer your questions, I have two book contracts with January 30 deadlines. So I spent Christmas and New Years at the computer. The first contract is a Christmas gift book scheduled for October release. This inspirational book of Christmas stories, fun facts, recipes, and more is a collaborative effort with five other authors and we’re all excited about its potential. My second contract, with Revell, is for a new parenting book schedule for release February ‘09. Since parenting is my forte, I feel like I can sink my teeth into this project and have been researching different topics. This book is an issue-driven book covering early childhood parenting topics similar to my current book, Parenting Power in the Early Years.

5. What do you hope to accomplish through your writing?

In general, I hope to inspire and entertain readers. Specifically, when writing to parents, I hope to empower them through education and encouragement.

6. And now for the tough questions…How do you balance being a mom, wife, and writer?

Good question Gina. Fortunately, my daughters are young adults and out of the house. So I have the luxury of writing for hours on end in a quiet office…well, almost quiet. I like to listen to music, especially Il Divo, on my computer.

Balancing diapers and deadlines is tricky and I have colleagues who manage that task. I understand the challenge for those whose hearts are in writing, but their hands are in housework. When I began writing my younger daughter was in elementary school so I had at least 6 quiet hours to write. . . well in between laundry, housework, and meal preparations. What worked for me was to do everything I could while my daughters were getting ready for school. I wanted to be fully present and attentive to their needs. Then after they left for school, I said a quick prayer for them and sat down at my computer to focus on writing, making contacts about speaking or preparing for a speaking engagement. I took occasional breaks during which time I’d start a meal or throw in a load of laundry. When my girls came home from school, I usually turned off the computer and made myself available to them. If they didn’t need me for homework or taxi service, then I’d sit down and resume my work. From dinner on was family time. Sometimes after they were in bed for the night, I’d do more research for writing or speaking topics. My friend and fellow author, Trish Berg, is raising four youngsters. So she’s probably better at balancing bylines and babies than I. And I totally admire my friend Tricia Goyer, author extraordinaire, who homeschools her kids.

7. Is it any easier writing now that your children are grown?

Yes, but my children always have and will come first. If the phone rings and one of my girls needs to talk, I’m available to listen. There’s no door on my office, either, so family can walk in anytime and I’ll be responsive to their needs. My dh, Paul, respects my inner drive and passion and has, through the years, given me freedom to work without interruptions.

8. Is parenting your grown children easier than raising them while they were young?

Yes and no. How’s that for a straight answer, Gina? There’s more maintenance raising young children; feeding, bathing, laundry, driving them to and fro, packing lunches, etc. When they’re older they can do self-care and help with the household chores. I do believe in giving kids chores for many reasons. Occasionally, they phone home and need Mom. And you never stop thinking about and praying for your kids.

9. What would you say to moms who can’t wait until their children are older so they can write more?

Wholeheartedly embrace parenting now. Don’t sacrifice your relationship with your kids (or lay foundation for regret) just so you can write or do anything you consider important. There will always be time to pursue your interests; your young, impressionable children won’t always need you like they do now. I believe our children are our congregation and we must give them the time and attention they need to nurture them during these young years. When I’m speaking to parent audiences I often remind them that they can have it all . . . just not all at once.

I love that! I can have it all. Just not at once. How true!

10. What interruptions in your writing didn’t you expect once your children were older and out of the home?

Well, Gina, I can’t say I expected no interruptions. Unless you have an office in a high rise building, lock the door, and tell a secretary to hold your calls, you will have interruptions. How you handle them is an art form. Since I office from my home, many friends and some relatives think I’m always available and have a flexible schedule to play. I realize they can’t fully understand the demands of my work even if I’m home so they call expecting me to have free time. When I’m focused or have a tight writing deadline, I let the answer machine take calls and ignore the doorbell. The other interruption is my dachshund, Opie. While he’s my buddy and constant companion, sometimes he needs let out or gets anxious to go for a walk. Then I get up and attend to his needs. I figure he’s pretty patient so it may be my signal to give myself a break too. You know, the time flies when I’m working, so sometimes a little interruption is a good reminder to take a brief break.

The other — and dangerously addictive — interruption is what I call the virtual water cooler. I can spend hours in viral networking, answering emails, or visiting with colleagues on speaker and writer forums. While it’s important to network, I must discipline myself to get back to work.

I hear you on that!

11. Has there ever been a time God told you to set aside your writing to focus on other areas of your life? If so, how did you handle that?

I can’t think of a specific time I felt impressed to set aside my writing. But there are times when I know my hubby or kids need my attention and the writing can wait. I try not to obsess over writing and take planned breaks so I can remain fresh and focused when returning to work.

12. Did you ever feel like you’ve “missed” God in regards to writing, that maybe you should be doing something else?

Not me. I know God wants me to work with and serve parents today. Like I said earlier, my expression of that call is through speaking and writing. Once, after a speaking engagement in Kansas City, an audience member came up to me and said, “You are doing what you were born to do.” That comment was affirmation to me.

13. Is there anything else you’d like to share?

Thanks for asking, Gina. I encourage writing moms to get connected with other writers. Don’t be a lone ranger. The writing life can be lonely and you desperately need to surround yourself with like-mined people who understand your heart and passion and with whom you can swap ideas, critiques, and industry news.

Also, make plans to attend a writer’s conference. I know it cost money and time away from family, but if you want to improve, network, and feel more professional you need to go to industry events. Below, are several upcoming conferences along with their website:

February 1-2, 2008. (Snow date February 8-9, 2008). Write His Answer Seminar
Yorktown, VA. More info: http://www.writehisanswer.com/Writing_Seminars.htm

February 16, 2008. Oregon Christian Writer’s One Day Winter Conference at Corban College
in Salem, OR. Gail Sattler, Keynote Speaker. More info: http://oregonchristianwriters.org/
members/

Feb 28-March 2, 2008. Florida Christian Writers Conference in Bradenton. Keynoters include
Paul McCusker and T. Davis Bunn. Includes a special Teen Track taught by Bryan Davis. More
information: http://www.flwriters.org/

March 14-15, 2008. Write His Answer Seminar. Carlisle Inn, Sugarcreek OH. More info: http:
//www.writehisanswer.com/Writing_Seminars.htm

March 14-18, 2008. Spring Christian Writers Conference at Mount Hermon. Debbie Macomber
and Jerry B Jenkins. More info: http://www.mounthermon.org/writers/

(Secular) April 3-5, 2008. Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop in Dayton, OH. More info:
http://www.humorwriters.org/2008SpeakerBios.html

April 12, 2008. Spring Writers Day. Orange County Christian Writers, CA. Featuring Beverly
Lewis, Dan Benson, Brian Bird and Chip MacGregor. More info: http://www.occwf.org/

April 17-19, 2008. Delaware Christian Writers Conference. Newark, Delaware. More here: htt
p://www.delawarechristianwritersconference.com/

April 19, 2008. Mini Conference, St. David’s Christian Writers at Emmanuel Christian Church
in Stoneboro, PA. More info: http://www.stdavidswriters.com/home.html Click on
“Mini-Conference”.

May 2-3, 2008. Northwest Christian Writers Renewal (formerly SPU Writers Renewal).
Northshore Baptist Church in Bothell, Washington. Cec Murphey keynotes. Editorial reps
include Mick Silva, Waterbrook; Don Pape, Cook; and Jesse Florea, Focus on the Family
magazines. More info: http://www.nwchristianwriters.org/default.asp?id=8785

May 2-3, 2008. Antelope Valley Christian Writers’ Conference. Tim Riter, Keynote. More
info: www.avwriters.comMay 3, 2008. Susquehanna Valley Writers Workshop at the Best
Western Inn/Country Cupboard Restaurant, Lewisburg, PA. More info: http://www.marshahubler
.com/workshop.html

May 18-22, 2008. Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference. Ridgecrest, NC. More
information: http://www.lifeway.com/lwc/article_main_page/0%2C1703%2CA%25253D152237%252526M%25253D201125%2C00.html?

June 4-7, 1008. Write to Publish Conference. More info upcoming: http://www.writetopublish
.com/ (NOTE: I’ve taught at WTP and it’s a premier, well-organized conference. Highly recommended)

June 13-14, 2008. Dayton Christian Writer’s Conference. Englewood, OH. More info: http:/
/www.dougtoles.com/upcominggospelevents/

June 16-21, 2008. St. David’s Christian Writer’s Conference. Grove City, PA. Featuring
Sally Stuart, Jane Kirkpatrick, Robbie Hess and Lisa Crayton. More info: http://www.stdavi
dswriters.com/home.html

September 8-12, 2008. Maranatha Christian Writers Conference. Muskegon, MI. More
info: http://www.writewithpurpose.org/index.php?option=com_frontpage&Itemid=1

September 29-October 2, 2008. Sandy Cove Christian Writers Conference. More info: http://w
atkins.gospelcom.net/sandycove.htm

Gina, thanks for this opportunity to share with your readers.

~~*~~*~~*~~*
Happy New Year!
Brenda Nixon, M.A., Speaker, Writer, Educator, www.BrendaNixon.com

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This parenting advice that came to me via email was just what I needed to set me back on track after a tough week falling back into bad parenting patterns. I hope it helps someone today!

Be a Coach to Your Children

I’m sure that as you look around you see other families who have rather strange relationships with their kids. Some parents seem to have a boss/servant relationship with their children, as if the parents own their kids. They order them around as if they were slaves, being demanding about obedience and respect.

Others act like a policeman allowing children to do anything they want within boundaries. When the children move outside the boundaries then the parent blows the whistle to get them back in line. Other parents have a little prince relationship with their children. These parents go out of their way to make their children happy, sometimes trying to make up for their own unhappiness as a child

A better analogy is the one that views the parent as a coach. Your children need training every day, involving teaching, correcting, firmness, and encouragement. A coach builds a relationship with the child, recognizes weaknesses and equips the child to succeed. When a runner falls down, a good coach doesn’t condemn but motivates to excellence through support and encouragement. The coach and the athlete are both on the same side, working to make that young person successful.

Don’t let childish problems like anger, impulsiveness, or meanness motivate you to become an opponent to your children, allowing the problem to come between you. Instead, partner with your children, moving the problem to the side, with you and your child working together to conquer it. Your attitude in conflict will mean all the difference for a child who needs to be coached out of immaturity. Children need to know that their parents believe in them. It helps them in the deepest areas of their hearts.

This parenting tip is taken from the book, “Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids” by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. Because each chapter begins with a fictional story, it’s the parenting book you can read to your kids.

I’ve been guilty of being the boss parent, in fact that’s my default parenting style which I’m not too proud of. But I’ve also been the policeman, especially when I’m too lazy to parent or too busy on the computer. And yes, I’ve elevated my children to royalty, though mostly with my youngest, trying to compensate for all the boss-parenting I fall into.

But I love the idea of a coach. I know children need training and teaching, though I don’t always remember to do it. When I do our relationship isn’t hurt and my children actually hear my corrections. When I’m bossy or authoritative, they often tune me out until I explode.

How I wish I had a parenting coach, someone to whisper in my ear telling me just what to say and what volume to use. Thing is, I do. I just seldom take time to listen.

When I was homeschooling and frazzled because of the chaos swirling around me, the only thing I could do was call out for help. Sometimes I did it right away, most times I fell into dysfunctional parenting like the examples above and after everyone was spent, I’d remember to call out to Jesus, to ask the Holy Spirit to help. And his response was always opposite of my first reaction.

I’m going to try and remember to be a coach this week and call on my heavenly coach when I need a new game plan.

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It seems that I’ve been so busy doing…(field trips, shopping, baking, blogging, laundry, cooking) that there hasn’t been much time to enjoy my family. There’s always something that needs to be done and being the choleric that I am, I usually make time to do it.

Some of the things I do are really good. Like my daily exercising which I’ve been consistent at for months. (Which is a good thing after all the cookies I ate while baking!) But some of the things I do can be postponed, shortened or eliminated. Hopefully during Christmas break I’ll be able to get back on track, prioritize my day better and spend more of the fun times with Grace and the boys.

I really do miss being the fun mom!

UPDATE:

I have this really great schedule over Christmas break that gives plenty of time for playing with my kids, but alas I got my Zune Mp3 player in the mail (a belated b-day present to me) and I’ve spent HOURS trying to figure out how to download my writing conference Mp3 cds to my computer and then to the Zune! After giving up on their instructions, I just used logic and I’m in the process of uploading/downloading/whatever to the Zune now. The kids are way past their video game limit but I’m afraid if I quit now I might forget how to do it!!!!

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Mary E. DeMuth is hosting a contest all of us moms would be grateful to win. Here’s Mary with the details!

Want to connect with your kids every single day, but don’t know how? Why not start a conversational revolution tonight? Straight to your inbox, ready to print and cut out, you’ll receive 150 life-delving questions to ask your kids around the dinner table. Think it’s too corny? Click here to read a sample. Cost is $5 bucks and you can order it here.

But, hey, five bucks is a lot of money this time of year, isn’t it? Why not get them for free! I’ll give away five free sets (in PDF form) to the most creative commenters who come up with the most interesting table conversation question. So put those thinking hats on and create a question that’ll stun and amuse me. (Example: If you could be a giant insect capable of taking over the world, what would you be? And what would you do once you took over the world? Make peace? Give away food?)

I’ll announce the winners December 20th. Comment away!!! Enter your questions here:
http://relevantblog.blogspot.com/2008/01/win-150-conversation-starters.html

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Due to too much time blogging and not writing time restraints, I’m getting more choosy in the books I’m featuring here on Portrait. When I got an invite to participate in the blog tour For Parents Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice, I almost passed it up. But it was this that caught my eye:

Shaunti Feldhahn is known for unlocking the mysteries of relationships for men and women. Now she turns to a parent’s relationship with a child, particularly a child of the opposite sex. Drawing on the results of a nationwide survey of kids and teenagers, she explores questions such as:

• What do moms need to understand about the “tough and tender” boy who values respect over love?

• What do dads need to understand about their daughter’s need for affirmation?

• What are the six biggest pet peeves teens have about their parents?

Understanding the answers to these and other important questions can help parents make the holidays a time of celebration and unity, not strife and friction.

For Parents Only offers a unique look into a child’s mind and frees readers to communicate in healthier ways as they discover that understanding their kids may not be as complicated as they think.

What parent couldn’t use this book? And I’m giving away two copies to the mom or dad who can convince me why they need this book more than anyone else! So don’t be shy!

For Parents Only

by Shaunti Feldhahn and Lisa A. Rice

MY REVIEW:

For Parents Only is a fun looking book, small enough to fit in your purse or computer bag. I was immediately drawn to the bright colors and fun photo, but it’s what’s inside that really impressed me.

The authors don’t claim to be experts in child psychology, but what they do offer is the insight they learned from interviewing hundreds of teens and preteens. Many of us have forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager, Shaunti and Lisa help us remember.

I’m not through the book yet, but what I love about it is you can read it in really short snippets, like waiting in line to pick up your kids from school, or waiting in the car at football practice, or waiting at dance lessons, etc.

So far the thing that stands out to me in this book is that kids don’t really mean to be rebellious or go against their parents, they just want to do what they want to do. And most of it stems from wanting freedom. As a Christian mom of a 13 year old, it got me thinking. How can I give my child the freedom he craves?

I also learned this interesting fact. “The frontal lobe of the brain-the area that allows for judgment of consequences and the control of impulses-doesn’t fully develop until after the teen years.” That statement alone has helped me not “go off” on my teen several times this week!

Needless to say, it’s a great little book that packs a lot of meat. Definitely worth sinking your teeth into! And I’m giving away two copies! Just let me know why you want/need this book!

To purchase the book go to Amazon.com: For Parents Only

Shaunti Feldhahn is the author of For Women Only and numerous other books, with sales totaling nearly one million copies. A nationally syndicated newspaper columnist and public speaker, Feldhahn earned her master’s degree at Harvard University. She and her husband, Jeff, have two young children. Lisa A. Rice is the associate editor of Christian Living magazine, the mother of two teenage girls, and a screenwriter and producer.

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Grace started taking gymnastics when she was three, but it was a nightmare just getting her into class. I was still homeschooling the boys (the were at PE during this time) and I really wanted to take advantage of the workout room for parents. I would never know if she’d “let go of me” and go to class. Sometimes I would sit in the class, sometimes the teacher would take her from me. After some time we decided it wasn’t working for either of us. I didn’t even sign her up the following year, then this year she asked to go back.

She’s been in class with girls at least two years older (and up) than she is and she’s doing great. Her coach is really proud of her. He’s had all my boys and this is the first time he’s really taken the time to talk with me after class. He’s impressed with the fact that though she is younger than the girls, she is really trying to get the skills.

Though we’ve run into days where she just freezes and doesn’t try a skill, we now know it’s because she’s really not sure how to do the routine. I’ve told her just to ask the teacher to help and she does. Mr. T is really impressed with her and sees a lot of potential in her.

Timmy was really worried about starting school, mainly because I would complain that he wouldn’t sit still and pay attention while homeschooling. He was really afraid of being sent to the principals office. He’s been in school for several months now and he loves it! He’s having so much fun with his new best friend and when I asked him if he misses me at school he said, “no, because I don’t really think about you. I’m too busy. But if I think about you I miss you.”

Timmy loves to be the teacher’s helper. He’s always volunteering for jobs. He says he has eight, though I’m sure I won’t be able to name them all. There’s the bathroom monitor (he tells on people when they break the bathroom rules), he’s the pencil sharpener, the anti-bacterial gel squirter, the Damian monitor (a boy in his class needs help with stuff at times), and several others I forget.

The other day while waiting for my other boys, Mrs. Hale, Timmy’s teacher, leaned over and said “Timmy is so cute. He’s such a joy and I look forward to seeing him everyday.”

What mother wouldn’t be proud of these kids?!?

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With no family in town, finding babysitting has always been a hassle for our family. That’s why ten years ago we started the Babysitting co-op. A group of families got together and started swapping babysitting and keeping track of how often each couple went out and watched others. It’s been great for these past ten years, but for some reason as our children have gotten older and busier, it’s getting harder to find families to babysit our kids when we need them to.

Our oldest is just getting to the age where he can watch the little ones for a short time, but we’re still not comfortable with him (and neither is he) watching them for long periods of time at night and teenage babysitters are extremely hard to come by.

So what’s a family to do?

Enter Care.com

It’s an innovative and safe way to find quality babysitting!

I’ve only browsed the childcare/babysitters in my town, but they also have petcare, tutors and senior care givers.

I was happy to find Christian babysitters from churches I’m familiar with. It’s really easy and simple to browse the list of available caregivers. You pick the age, price range and distance (among other things) to find a list that’s compatible with your family needs. Then just browse the bios. References are available and for a limited time care.com is offering this service FREE to my readers for three months. So why not give them a try?

To sign up for three free months visit this link! http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=oIbDBoEmAU0cT1wsoFcmLw_3d_3d

After playing around of Care.com I can say this is just what I needed LAST YEAR, when I was looking for a part-time nanny to come to my home a couple of days a week while I homeschooled. These girls are in my town and I’m familiar with the churches they attend (though not all are Christian). I tried finding quality care through the local universities, but this site makes it so easy!

Here’s what one mom has to say about the service! 

“Just as I signed up for my complimentary subscription, I found myself in my own caregiver panic situation. My long-time babysitter just told me last Monday that she needed to get a full-time job, which I can’t offer her. So I went onto Care.com, found a few people in my area to choose from, and checked out their references. In just a couple of days, I pinpointed someone who matched my family’s needs exactly, interviewed her, and fell in love with her! I’m always nervous about hiring a new babysitter unless she’s been referred by a close friend, but Care.com made me feel completely comfortable that the sitters on the site were pre-approved and qualified. It was easy and convenient, and I’m thrilled with the results.”
~ Dana Hilmer, Mom Central Consulting principal and author of Blindsided By A Diaper

Ready for your FREE trial? Visit this link! http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=oIbDBoEmAU0cT1wsoFcmLw_3d_3d

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Check out this video! I’m clueless as how to put a You Tube video on my blog. Anyone care to explain???

I tried pasting the embedded code and it didn’t work.

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 I’m reposting some oldies but goodies since I’m not yet home and don’t have the time to really process everything that happened at the conference.

Enjoy, and if you do, please comment. My heart is to really have this blog be a dialogue, a two-way communication of thoughts and experiences and hopefully make some really good online friends! 

Timmy, my tame six year old nearly threw a fit tonight. Though fits are out of the ordinary from this little guy, when he does throw them it’s a whopper.

This “almost” fit was brought on by the fact that he he’s finicky when it comes to showers and baths. Sometimes he likes them and other times he doesn’t. And since we went to the water park today, he got upset and cried heartfelt tears of how he doesn’t want to go back tomorrow (we have plans to take two friends to the water park) and that he just wanted to stay home with me.

While my mommy heart was gushing with love, my patience was waning. I’d already had it out with the older two because they couldn’t “get along” and both boys lost the privilege of having a sleepover with the two friends we were taking to the water park.

So my husband stepped in and offered to take the little guy to the office with him tomorrow, but Timmy wasn’t going for it. He wanted to stay home with me.

Now I know all of this was coming from being over tired and hubby said he would handle it so I went upstairs to read Little Pilgrims Progress to the older boys. (On a side note, we should have finished that book months ago, but my boys always end up goofing around when we read. I thought homeschool kids always gathered around mom with their eyes wide with expectation as mom read for hours. Yeah, right.)

Anyway, last I left Timmy he was heading for a full blown fit. After three chapters of Little Pilgrim’s Progress (the chapters are only a page or two long) I said good night to the boys and went to find Timmy.

He was in the bathroom, brushing his teeth, or so I thought. As I peeked in I heard squeals of laughter and delight…coming from the shower. Timmy opened the curtain and giggled. “Mom, you’ll never believe it. Guess.”

I had no idea what he was talking about but ventured a guess. “Uh, you lost a tooth.” (He hasn’t lost one yet and none were loose.”

“Nope,” More giggles as I watched him dance around in the shower. “I’m going to take a shower everyday.” More giggles.

“No way,” This truly was a miracle.

“I just love the warm water. I’m going to take a shower two times a day. Once in the morning and once at night!”

While I doubt that will ever be the case, I’m just so glad my “angel boy” as we dubbed him as a baby, was back to normal.

I attributed his emotional turn around to the warm shower, but Timmy informed me that he got rid of the grouchies in his sister’s room. Now all I have to do is figure out what happened in there, bottle it up and sell it on eBay. I’m sure I’ll make millions.

BTW, I still don’t know if he’s going to the water park tomorrow, but I’m not going to ask him until morning. I don’t want to mess with a good thing and we know how finicky six year olds can be.

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It’s true, according to my kids. And looking through their eyes I have to agree. But what they see as mean is really trying to gain respect and control of my children’s behavior. I mean to be firm, but it comes out harsh. Not the best way to change their little hearts and get them to do things my way.

This came in my inbox this morning.

Be Firm Without Being Harsh

“Some parents believe that the only way to be firm is to be harsh. Firmness says that a boundary is secure and won’t be crossed without a consequence. Harshness uses angry words and increased volume to make children believe that parents mean what they say. Some parents have assumed that firmness and harshness must go together. One mom said, ‘The thought of separating the two is like listening to a foreign language—it sounds nice but doesn’t make any sense.’”

Unfortunately I am a product of my upbringing and I’m afraid I’m creating little MEs in the process. Kids who are loud, and yell to be heard.

I don’t want to be harsh. I want to be firm, but loving. Yet, my kids don’t respond well to me, or rather they sort of gang up on me til I feel overwhelmed and resort to yelling.

I want to change. I can’t do it on my own strength. I need to remember more to call on God when I feel the harshness coming on me!
*This parenting tip is taken from the book, “Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids.” In Chapter 6 you’ll find more helpful honor-based parenting skills.

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I can remember the first time Chris went to sleep away camp. I was a nervous wreck! There was sooo much to worry about. That was about 4 years ago.

Chris and Joey left for camp earlier this week and while I had my initial motherly worries, there was no fear. Of course we’ve prayed over them a half a dozen times and when ever I think of them I send up a prayer, but there is no fear.

God has not given us a spirit of fear. And for once I am able to walk in that!

I can’t begin to explain how much easier it is taking care of two kids than four. There’s less food to cook, less dinners to clean up (though as Chris was leaving he made the comment “Now you’ll have to do all the dishes! Which is true the big boys are a big help, but they also add to the noise level, whinning and strife. I don’t miss those things.)

I’m really happy my boys are secure even to venture out on their own. Though we’ve always been protective, we’ve never sheltered them. They’re adventurous and love to experience life.

They should be getting their first care package today filled with all the goodies and junk I would never let them eat at home. Especially in one whole week.

I’m glad they’re having this week of fun because when they get back it will be (She does a double take at the calendar) TWO WEEKS until school starts.

Good thing I’m almost done shopping for school supplies and clothes. I hit an amazing sale on uniforms today. $2 for consigned shorts and shirts. I just hope they fit!

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