Scenario #1:
You’re reading a faith-based book with the words God and faith in the title. When you put the book down, you’re careful to lay it face down so the title’s not obvious. Or better yet, you stuff it in the drawer you know your spouse never goes into.
Scenario #2:
Your Bible, it has this really nice cover. Not for protection, but so you can leave it out by the chair you do your quiet time in (before your spouse even gets up). The cover does a good job hiding the fact that it contains a Bible.
Scenario #3:
The latest Bible study you’re doing with your women’s group—you make sure your covered Bible sits on top of it so your spouse won’t get upset and think the church is “brainwashing” you again.
Any of this sound familiar? Those who live in a difficult unequally yoked situation know exactly what living their faith like this is like. It can be lonely, discouraging, and very isolating. Everything the enemy wants. But don’t let that scoundrel win. Find a support group. You’re not alone. God might even have something in place for you, and He’s waiting for you to ask Him.
While I lived in Europe, I attended an international church. One day a woman pulled me aside and handed me a slip of paper. On it was the verse from 1Peter 3:1-2, “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.” (NIV) She told me to pray about whether or not I should participate in this support and prayer group.
Are you kidding? I couldn’t get there fast enough. I’d never heard of such a group. The first time we met, this strange and wonderful feeling of being understood came over me, and I didn’t even have to explain my situation. They knew.
They just knew.
Being part of such a group can be an amazing encouragement. There is nothing like being understood. A warm comfort comes in and soothes an ever-present ache. Meeting and sharing with other Christians creates bonds. And nothing creates a bond stronger than Jesus. However, let me stress how critical it is that, if you are a woman, you meet only with other women. Or the reverse if you are a man. This is not your typical Bible study situation—it is a support group. And mixing sexes is just a set-up for temptation.
Let me create another scenario for you. You’ve come to the group tonight tired and worn out. The last thing you did before leaving was argue with your spouse over some mundane thing, but for you, it was simply more evidence to how far from God your husband really is.
You’re ready to bare your heart tonight, knowing this group is what gets you through the week, month, or whatever. Before you even get to share your heartache, the godly gentleman (we’ll call him Ted) shares how he’s struggled with his wife over some issue that sounds remarkably like your own.
The only difference is, you see in Ted what you wish you’d seen in your husband. You notice yourself drawn to him, the ache of what you don’t have increases, and suddenly Ted is looking mighty good in your eyes.
I think you can imagine what could happen next. And the enemy loves this kind of stuff. Relationships are his main target. Why? Because God created us for relationships—first and foremost with Him, then with others.
Ultimately, an unequally yoked marriage can be more of a target than a Christian one because a soul is at stake. The enemy with fight tooth and nail to keep that unbelieving spouse from coming to know God by undermining the witness of the believing spouse. That’s why it’s so critical that we keep looking to God to fill those needs our spouses can’t yet fill.
Don’t let the enemy fool you. You’re not alone, but you have been called to battle. So fight to win. With God on your side, how can you lose?
Dineen A. Miller writes suspense novels, articles, and devotionals and is the owner of Designer Girl Graphics, which specializes in the design needs of writers and authors. Formerly a youth counselor and Stephen Minister, her most challenging adventures to date are being the mother of two teens, the wife of an avid disc golf player, and getting her first novel published.
11 Comments
As a pastor’s wife I’ve meet many a woman in church who have this heartache. What a wonderful idea to have a support group to encourage one another to be loving witness for Christ. I have found that the “showing” is more powerful than the “telling.” Thank you for sharing your heart.
Thank you. I am one of those women….
I can’t imagine what you ladies are going through. Know that some men are working in their churches to reach out to their lost brothers. Someone reached out to me once, and I praise God for all of them.
Thank you, Nadine! You are so right.
Ann, thank you for commenting. I hope you’ve found a support system. If not, please consider an online group called 1Peter3Living, if you haven’t already. It’s a safe place to share and receive support, with confidentiality. Here’s the addy:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/1Peter3Living
Ron, what a blessing! Thank you for sharing that. Men like you are who I’m praying will be present in husband’s life. So vital!
D, as usual, your article rocks. Helping others undergoing the same problems. Know that I’m praying for you, and for so many other spouses battling this same burden.
Dineen,
I just wanted to weep. There are so many people under attack in their own marriage. The enemy is wicked and relentless. My heart aches for every single person alone and struggling. It is my prayer that as we cling together we find that… what did you say…A warm comfort comes in and soothes an ever-present ache. Amen. Wonderful article.
Neenie, you did an awesome job with this article. You’ll have to ask me what I kept thinking as I read this…
Thankyou Dineen, I could so relate to the first 3 senarios. Thankyou for the awareness of the 4th.
Robin, Lynn, and Heather thank you so much for stopping by. So appreciate you’re support.
Glad this could help you Wendy. Praying God blesses you with the support you need.
Hi Denise -
That’s so funny because I just recently out of desperation purchased a book entitled “How to live happily with an unsaved spouse.” I also hide the book inside of my Bible or behind the couch fearful that if my husband sees the title he will explode because in his eyes he is saved and will go off the deep end about how God loves him and I’m a hypocrite and I think I’m holier than thou….it will go on for hours. So, I just hide it to avoid an argument.
Hello Dineen, Am so desperate of advice right now. Reading your articles and other people’s comments has revived my spirit and am glad to say that I too, belong here. My husband is a christian but belongs to a church that does not embrace the power of the Holy Spirit or the gifts and calls born again christians satanists or demons. Am born again and congregate with fellow believers and he is not happy with this and he is now intending to divorce me if i do not go to his church. I tried to do that three times but spiritually got stifled each time. I love him so much and my prayer is always that he gets saved. Our three children (in their teens) are also born again because they grew up going to church with me and he snatched them away to go to his church and they are not happy and now blame me for allowing that to happen. Everyone thinks am rebellious and disrespectful to my husband for not submitting to him. Worse still, he believes in traditional medicines like charms or juju and all sorts of strange things happen in the house and I get frequently attacked in dreams. I thank God that He fights all my battles and am in perpetual spiritual warfare.