Life’s NOT Fair

This weekend my emotions have been on a rollercoaster ride. Not the tame ones found in the kiddie park, but the huge, intimidating kind that scares the snot out of you just waiting in line. Brevity is not a virtue of mine, but I’ll try my best…

My two oldest boys have had a wonderful opportunity participating in a play that integrates sign language with the musical Oliver. We were excited when my 11 year old got the part of Dodger and my 8 year old got Oliver (The part was double cast so he would share six shows with another Oliver.)

It has been a very stressful three months trying to learn the the music, blocking, dialogue AND sign language. It turned out to be more of a challenge because I thought the directors would be teaching them all the signs, but half way through the show I found myself scrambling to find someone who could help me figure out their parts since none of us knew sign language before this show.

One other frustrating aspect of the practices was that the two Olivers and the understudy had to share practice time, so that meant each child only practiced 1/3 of the time. Well, about a month before the show I think the director started to panic because the Olivers weren’t “kicking it up a notch” like he had hoped so he pulled a kid from the ensemble cast to see if he could do a scene. And he did it just as well as the others. The following weeks I really worked with my son and the assistant director saw a great improvement. But the ball was already in motion. The director had already asked the OTHER kid to learn the part of Oliver and if he did, he’d get a shot at the part.

Then the email came the other day saying my son would be doing two of the six shows. I was upset, shocked and angry. I quickly did the math and looked over our SIGNED agreement and felt to honor that agreement he should be doing three shows. But the director had made the agonizing decision, giving two shows each to the original Olivers, one show to the UNDERSTUDY, and one to the OTHER kid he pulled from the ensemble.

Well, my justice radar flew up and I was hit with so many different emotions at once. Anger, hurt, frustration, sadness, jealousy, depression, etc. It really has wrecked my weekend and I’m trying to work past it, and sent an email to the assistant director who really was pulling for my son, and told him I didn’t think it was fair, and I’m still upset and hurt, but the show must go on, and I’m not going to petty about the situation.

Saying that and living it are two different things.

I try not to be resentful, but my justice meter tells me IT’S JUST NOT FAIR. I’ve never heard of a theatre company doing this before, and if they would have just worked with the Olivers more than there would be no need for all this craziness. PLUS, now during the critical tech week where you iron out all the on stage gliches, they have to divide the rehearsal time by FOUR. That means if we’re lucky, each Oliver will get to pracitce ONCE on stage. Yada, yada, yada…

Forgive me if I digress, my emotions are still raw. Okay, back to the point of this post. My oldest son has a high justice meter like myself and it’s often hard to parent the other kids in my house because he’s playing judge and wanting me to throw the book at his siblings. But despite this quality he and my 8 year old are taking this better than I am. I’m the one whining and complaining and my 8 year old Oliver is the one that told the director this morning to let the OTHER Oliver practice instead of him because he (my son) wasn’t going to be there the whole time. And my oldest son, Dodger, offered to do the OTHER Oliver’s other part while he was Oliver.

Okay, I know this is kind of confusing, but my point is I was so proud of my kids because no matter how much grief and stress they cause me during the homeschool day, the bottom line is that they’re good kids when it counts 🙂 I know they didn’t just happen to be like that by chance, and I’m NOT taking all the credit, but though I fail miserably on a daily basis, somehow Jesus makes it all turn out right.

Thank You Jesus for Your faithfulness despite my inconsistency, Your grace despite my unworthiness and Your mercy despite my sin. I’m so glad You didn’t whine and cry to the Father, claiming IT’S NOT FAIR that you had to die for MY sins. Help me look beyond my own pain and remember that You willingly accepted the ultimate role-the cross.

You gave a powerful performance of love, trust, redemption and forgiveness. Help me follow Your example- even through my pain! Amen.