Difficult Decisions

I hate trying to make decisions when I haven’t really heard from God.

It’s fifteen minutes until registration for co-op classes for next year closes, and we’re undecided. Everything looks great on paper. The boys would attend four classes and lunch one day a week, but I don’t feel an overwhelming peace. Maybe it’s because I feel rushed to make a decision.

I’m reluctant to put them in classes because they are 80 minutes each, and I’m not sure if my boys will be able to handle that amount of time in their seats for four classes. I tried to choose classes that were interactive, but once you committ to the year, you’re obigated to pay the full tuition. The co-op didn’t allow us to visit while classes were in session. They say there’s a two week grace period and we could drop a class with a $20 penalty, but how can we make a decision after two classes?

At first my husband wanted to send them all day so I could get a break. Homeschooling has been such a stress on our family, and he wants to do what’s right by us all. But what’s the answer?

Things can’t go on like they did last year, and there doesn’t seem to be any perfect options, so while we discussed the co-op once more, I huddled in bed under the covers content to stay there for the rest of the afternoon and forego making this decision.

Time for registration is now past. We can always sign up in August, but there’s no guarantee the classes will be open. I have no clue what to do next year. I want God to write the answer on the wall.

When we decided to homeschool I didn’t have clear direction from the Lord, and it’s been the hardest two years of my life. But what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger, right? So I press on, hoping that my suffering will turn to joy. That all the struggles we face day to day will produce everlasting fruit. That some how my children and I will figure this homeschool thing out and the hard days will be a fading memory of the past.

I know God will be with us no matter what we decide. Even if we totally blow it and make the worst possible choice. Still, I’d rather know God’s will and be in it than to wander blindly in this homeschool desert. But then again, maybe that’s what He wants. For me to follow Him blindly in this journey.