I’m a Goalaphobic!

Okay, there! I admit it! I’m a goalaphobic, but I haven’t always been this way. I used to make lists and write out pages and pages of goals and plans for my life five and ten years down the road. Then I had kids and the exercise, career and life long goals in general went out the window! My baby is four and I’m still trying to lose twenty pounds!

Three years ago when I started homeschooling I had grand ideas for the first year. I planned out our entire science and history curriculum for the year. It’s been three years since I made that plan, and we’re half way through the curriculum I planned for the first year.

I guess the problem with me is I’m a great planner, but lousy at follow through. I tried FLY Lady. You know the one who sends you emails daily and tells you to put on shoes and shine your sink. Well, I had to drop out because I don’t wear shoes in the house (and refuse to) and I don’t care if my sink shines! I just want the dishes in the dishwasher!

If you haven’t guessed it by now, I’m a perfectionist and falling short of my goals discourages me. Take exercise for instance. I used to work out consistently before I homeschooled. This year I decided my goal would be to work out at least three times a week for 20 minutes a day. Not too difficult, right? Wrong! Kid stuff inevitably comes up, and I lose my scheduled exercise time and momentum. If I only had myself to take care of I’m sure I’d reach most of my goals, but my life is not my own! SIGH!

I gave up on morning quiet times with God(or quiet times in general). I really tried waking up early before the kids got up, and when I did it was great! Peace and quiet in the morning and my attitude was better during the day. But when I didn’t do it, major guilt! So I put it back on God. If he wants me up early he’s got to make me WIDE awake before my kids get up. It happened for a week and I thought I had finally over come not being a morning person. Then it ended!

I’ve also tried to find quiet times during the day, but in a house full of four LOUD high spirited kids there’s no quiet, and I refuse to sit and read the same scripture over and over again. Instead, I just try to commune with God all day. I listen to praise music in the car, read a quick devotion in the bathroom and pray whenever I feel the urge. Then on Sunday’s if I’m lucky, I get a REAL quiet time where I read and pray and contemplate and hope I don’t get distracted. Last Sunday I started my devotion time and half way through I was plotting my characters spiritual journey! It was perfect for her, and I learned a bunch as well!

Is this where I’d like to be in my relationship with the Lord, no! But it’s where I’m at right now in my life. And that’s okay!

So back to goal setting. I’m really afraid to make lists and set goals, but this is the third time in a month I’ve been assaulted with the idea from different places! Do you think God is trying to tell me something?

I’m reluctantly making my priorities list and trying to set some reachable goals like “think about God once a day.” I already know I can do that! But what about the harder goals like “set up specific days to blog and other days to write.” That one will be a little harder.

Thankfuly I’ve already planned out my days by the half hour on Monday through Friday. I did this the second week into school because I wanted to get those priorities in. So I guess I’m not a goalaphobic after all! I can set them, now let’s see if I can reach them!

So are you a goalaphobic? Maybe we can over come our fears together!