Windows to the Soul
I was explaining to my 12 year old about baptism, and asking if he wanted to be baptized this Easter Sunday, when I saw that look in his eyes. The look that’s not particularly interested in things spiritual. When he was younger he wanted to be baptized, I’m not sure he’s ready now. I’m not even sure where his relationship with Jesus is. And it scares me. He says he wants to be baptized to let others know he’s a Christian, but he really could’t elaborate on what it means to be a Christian and surrender his life to Jesus.
I know he loves Jesus. But does he think he needs Jesus? Does he have a desire to serve Jesus wholeheartedly? He’s almost 13 and I don’t think the answer is yes. And it scares me.
He’s all about fun and games. If he’s not happy, everyone else around him is miserable. His life is pretty good (though I’m sure he’d disagree especially when I take away PS2) so where’s the pull to run to Jesus? At his age I needed Jesus. I was alone, lonely and sad. Jesus was my best friend. But will Jesus be that real to my son?
He said something that made me think. I can’t remember what I had asked him, but he said something like “Well, they’ve had rough lives and that’s when they knew they needed Jesus.” He needs Jesus so much in his life, yet he doesn’t see it.
He also gave me a look that broke my heart. The look that said, “you’re not living your life for Jesus. You’re just a hypocrite.” I know I shouldn’t hold it against him. I know he thinks that being a Christian means you should always do what’s right, and not lose your temper, and get angry. If he could only see my heart. How much I want to do right? How I don’t really know how to parent this child of mine.
If he could only see past my eyes, into the windows of my soul. Then he would know. Then he would see Jesus and maybe want to know Him a little better.
