What a Week!

Reposted From June 2004

I picked up Chris (9) from camp on Wednesday morning and I was really glad to see him. It was obvious he had fun, yet there were some tough moments which I will share later. After he was home a day or so I began to realize how peaceful the house was without him. I know that must really sound bad, but even though I worried a little about him I didn’t miss the arguing and struggles we seem to have on a daily basis. Without him to add to the chaos of our home, things actually ran smoothly.On Friday I had to take him to the doctor because his tonsils were hurting him (they hurt him all during camp). I said the doctor wouldn’t stick anything down his throat. (Last time the doctor looked at his throat and gave him an antibiotic.) Well, this time the doctor needed a swab.Now Chris is petrified when it comes to anything causing him pain, especially from the doctor. When he was 2 years old it took 3 doctors to hold him down while he got stitches in his head. Every doctor visit results in anxiety attacks from him, and me saying I’m never taking him to the doctor again. Well this time was no different. He freaked when the nurse needed to swab his throat because it makes him gag. It took about 30 minutes and many threats that the doctor would have to do it himself (the nurse is much gentler than the doctor). Chris’d say he’d let her do it, but would back down. The nurse had to leave to take care of other patients and finally after I pleaded and cried out of shear frustration, he reluctantly said she could do it.

The nurse came back in and Chris cringed and backed down and found the courage and opened his mouth a little and gaged alot and the nurse got one tonsil but needed the other. After a while she barely touched the other and the test came back negative for strep. Needless to say, my patience for him the rest of the day was non existence.

Sunday, Grace (2) was a nightmare at the restuarant durnig lunch. We should have known better than to take her out to eat in public. We went to a buffet on Mother’s Day and the only thing that made the afternoon bareable was that I didn’t have to cook. She doesn’t sit in her highchair and when she’s done eating she climbs out of the chair and runs. If we make her sit in her chair then she screams. Even swatting her hand doesn’t work (we’ve done this so often that she’s taken to swatting her own hand with her fork or spoon and saying “No, No” with a smile on her face) so we end up walking around with her. Well, the same thing happened Sunday, Mother’s Day, and I was spent when we got home and took a two hour nap.

Monday, round two with Chris. For some reason my simple request of drawing a picture and writing a few sentences about the trip we took to the Medieval Castle sent him into a tail spin. He got irate (which in turn caused me to blow up), and we yelled at each other. He informed me that he HATES to write and that he shouldn’t have to do work in the summer. Now easy going Joey (7) happily drew a picture and wrote a sentence and was even excited about showing me his finished product. I got incredibly discouraged at this battle with Chris and started imagining what homeschooling would be like. Could I make this child, who functioned obediently to the request of the teacher, see me as educator and do what I asked?

I went from extremes in a matter of minutes. I decided to require very little of him and absolutely do nothing educational this summer. I also decided that I would have to relax my standards even though I know he was capable of so much educationally. Then I went to talk with him and asked him to write (this was before I realized how much he hated writing), in his journal about his behavior. This set him off again and I “resigned” to send him to public school and let him be someone else’s problem. Then I also thought of putting him on the ADHD drugs to fix the problem and then I thought, well maybe it’s ME who needs the drugs!

Well, in the end we talked it through and I got an idea of what he hates about writing and we agreed that in his many journals next year he would only be required to draw a picture and write one sentence. I agreed to lay off the “education” this summer. Though I will present journal opportunities to him and his brother I would require nothing of him (except reading during the summer). But I made it clear that I expect him to be ready to work in the fall.

So here I am torn between my plans and agendas for their education and the de-schooling theory. My biggest fear is if I don’t have a detailed plan, nothing will get done. I know myself. I start out all fired up and then I sizzle. I’m more of a sprinter, not the marathon type. So I need a plan. I can’t just wing it.

But I also am realizing it’s okay to have that plan but I can’t expect to do it all. It’s not going to work with Chris. I also have to realize that more important than his education is our relationship, our home and the peace and family unity I want to strengthen and grow through homeschooling. It’s so easy to write down all my hopes and dreams for a happy, harmonious year, but in reality I know how short my fuse is.

We’ve come a long way, yet still have far to go! Glad I don’t have to make the journey alone!