Am I a Writer?

It’s the night before I leave for ACFW, and I’m starting to doubt this whole writing thing. Maybe I wasn’t meant for publication, at least not the mass market fiction I’ve been reading lots of in the CBA.

For one, I don’t read romance, and I don’t really want to write it. But I keep hearing my WIP needs to conform if I want someone to buy it. I’m all about learning and growing as a writer, but I don’t want to compromise what I believe and feel, just to be published. I don’t want to sell out, so to speak. I don’t read romance, so I surely don’t want to write it.

When someone tells me they don’t like that my character did something immoral or dishonest, or kissed someone that’s not her husband, I can’t see the big deal. The person is NOT a Christian, for crying out loud, and I believe I gave that person enough baggage and motivation to do just what she did, but it turns some people off. Maybe they’re not may target reader. But then who is? People who don’t buy CBA fiction? Then I start thinking, is an editor or agent willing to take a chance on me because I stray from the well beaten path just a little? I don’t think so. I think publishing has a double standard. They say they want something different, but are they willing to take a chance on it?

To be honest, in the last six months I’ve only read one story I really loved and it was a YA novel, really out of the box with a character not very likable, but I felt he was relateable. Despite the fact that I didn’t like what he did, I loved the book! I LOVED IT!

So all that to say, I’m having really serious doubts and lack of energy right now to do what it takes to get published in the CBA. Like I said, I’m not afraid of rejection, and hard work, etc. It’s just being someone I’m not, or writing something I don’t want to write that bums me.

Maybe I’m looking at this all wrong. Maybe I haven’t found my genre yet, who knows? I’m just not sure anymore!

What do you think?