Back to Reality

It’s amazing how after ten days away from the chaos and stress, all it takes is one little thing and I’m back in the midst of life. My life.

At ACFW I honestly forgot I had kids. And my kids really didn’t miss me that much. They weren’t begging me to come home. They simply accepted the fact that I would be home. And after I came home it was like I never left. Life went back to normal.

Then came the strife. I don’t know what hurts more, coming home and engaging in the strife or hearing my thirteen year old say,  “Nobody had fights when you were gone.”

That truth really cuts deep and it makes me question myself as a mom.

As a person.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder if I’m the main cause of the strife in this family. I know it’s not a black and white answer. I know I lose my temper easily, and I know I’m not the only mom that does, but to see my family’s faces sometimes it seems like it is all my fault.

I’m tired of being the odd man out.

I’m tired of rocking the boat because it’s me that ends up drowning, but I don’t know how to sit and let the tide take me away.

I want to be able to be still and know that He is God and in control.

Because He is!