Be a Coach not a Boss

This parenting advice that came to me via email was just what I needed to set me back on track after a tough week falling back into bad parenting patterns. I hope it helps someone today!

Be a Coach to Your Children

I’m sure that as you look around you see other families who have rather strange relationships with their kids. Some parents seem to have a boss/servant relationship with their children, as if the parents own their kids. They order them around as if they were slaves, being demanding about obedience and respect.

Others act like a policeman allowing children to do anything they want within boundaries. When the children move outside the boundaries then the parent blows the whistle to get them back in line. Other parents have a little prince relationship with their children. These parents go out of their way to make their children happy, sometimes trying to make up for their own unhappiness as a child

A better analogy is the one that views the parent as a coach. Your children need training every day, involving teaching, correcting, firmness, and encouragement. A coach builds a relationship with the child, recognizes weaknesses and equips the child to succeed. When a runner falls down, a good coach doesn’t condemn but motivates to excellence through support and encouragement. The coach and the athlete are both on the same side, working to make that young person successful.

Don’t let childish problems like anger, impulsiveness, or meanness motivate you to become an opponent to your children, allowing the problem to come between you. Instead, partner with your children, moving the problem to the side, with you and your child working together to conquer it. Your attitude in conflict will mean all the difference for a child who needs to be coached out of immaturity. Children need to know that their parents believe in them. It helps them in the deepest areas of their hearts.

This parenting tip is taken from the book, “Home Improvement: The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids” by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. Because each chapter begins with a fictional story, it’s the parenting book you can read to your kids.

I’ve been guilty of being the boss parent, in fact that’s my default parenting style which I’m not too proud of. But I’ve also been the policeman, especially when I’m too lazy to parent or too busy on the computer. And yes, I’ve elevated my children to royalty, though mostly with my youngest, trying to compensate for all the boss-parenting I fall into.

But I love the idea of a coach. I know children need training and teaching, though I don’t always remember to do it. When I do our relationship isn’t hurt and my children actually hear my corrections. When I’m bossy or authoritative, they often tune me out until I explode.

How I wish I had a parenting coach, someone to whisper in my ear telling me just what to say and what volume to use. Thing is, I do. I just seldom take time to listen.

When I was homeschooling and frazzled because of the chaos swirling around me, the only thing I could do was call out for help. Sometimes I did it right away, most times I fell into dysfunctional parenting like the examples above and after everyone was spent, I’d remember to call out to Jesus, to ask the Holy Spirit to help. And his response was always opposite of my first reaction.

I’m going to try and remember to be a coach this week and call on my heavenly coach when I need a new game plan.