Quick Fiction Fixes – Show don’t tell emotions, part one

We’re all busy, whether working full-time or chasing/chauffeuring kids around all day. Yet we’re also writers, striving to get our words on paper and then polish it to a sparkle.

This column gives quick fixes for fiction manuscripts specifically for busy writers. Pick and choose what works best for you!

Show don’t tell:

Writing emotions is very closely linked to other factors:

–the words you use

–character personality

–point of view

Because emotions are meshed with these other aspects, often a writer will hear the infamous “show, don’t tell” and yet not understand what exactly it means.

Setup: John has just kissed Sally.

She thrust him away.

She stared at him a long moment. First she felt confused. Why had he done that? Then, like a fingersnap, she was in denial. It probably meant nothing to him.

Camy here:

First, when you can, don’t use “she felt,” “she heard,” “he knew,” “he remembered,” “she understood,” or anything like that because it distances the reader from the character. For example: She heard a voice in the alley. versus A voice echoed down the alley.

Second, try not to use the words of the emotions—confusion, denial.

Instead of writing “she felt confused,” show the reader how confused she is. Instead of informing the reader she was in denial, show what she’s denying and why.

She thrust him away.

She stared at him a long moment. Why had he done that? Did he love her? He’d just met her—how could he love her? And she didn’t love him, did she? Was that gurgling in her stomach love or the pot roast she’d had for dinner? Love shouldn’t feel like overdone beef, right?

No, of course he didn’t love her. And that made her very … happy. Okay, not exactly happy. Relieved. She was relieved. And she didn’t care for him at all. That tingling in her hands was just early onset of arthritis. And her heart pounded because she’d been surprised, that’s all.

Not only does the reader see her confusion and her denial, but the reader gets a better understanding of her personality.

Go through your manuscript. Do you use “she heard,” “she felt,” etc.? Do you name the emotion instead of showing it?

Next column: How point of view makes a difference.