Ramblings on Family and Being Nice
Chris made an interesting observation while he was on a weekend field trip with his junior high. “I’m really nice when I’m away from home.”
At home Chris is characterized by being bossy, nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty with his siblings, especially the two that rub him the wrong way.
I can relate to Chris’ words because I feel and act the same way. Within the walls of my home I tend to be bossy (ask my hubby), nit-picky, and sometimes just plain nasty. Though I don’t want to be this way, and know it is wrong, more times than I care to admit my flesh takes over. It’s like what the apostle Paul said, the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.
Growing up in a divorced, dysfunctional home, I learned to take care of myself and protect myself emotionally. When I sensed criticism or an attack coming my way, I immediately put on my armor, drew my sword and started swinging. My choleric/melancholy (oftentimes sarcastic) personality didn’t help things either. When I gave my life to Christ at fifteen, I did change some. I eased up on the sarcasm, and didn’t hang out with my partying friends, but in my home I still battled a critical mother and a sister who I knew was sent straight from the pit of hell to torture me.
College was where I felt a reprieve. To date it’s the happiest time of my life. I had confidence, and oozed joy soaking up the love and acceptance from new friends and Godly teachers. Though I did go through emotional stresses and pain, in college I was the best me I could be. Then I got married and all the ugliness of my childhood surfaced again.
Sixteen years and four kids later, and I feel I’m probably at my worst. Selfishness rears it’s ugly little head every day in subtle ways and not just in me. I’m sure part of Chris’ problem has been modeled by me and the other part is that he is sooo much like me.
I think sometime over the years our family got lazy and started thinking that a family/marriage is all about what you can get out of it, not what you can give. I know in my heart a family should be giving more than taking, but when it’s caught in the whirlwind of chaos, it’s so hard to switch directions. All our good intentions get blindsided or distracted. And even though I know I can’t do this family thing right without Jesus, he’s usually consulted on matters after the fact.
Last night I had a talk with hubby about how I think our parenting has turned into damage control and not really disciplining. I have all these plans to change that, to change my family, to change me…but I need the Lord’s help!
I can so relate to Chris’ revelation. It’s easier to be nice when you’re away from family. I don’t like that reality and I want it to change. I want my whole family to change the way they treat each other and I know that it starts with me. Or rather it starts with Jesus. For the Spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak!
What things does your family do to keep the nasties away?
