Reflections of Grace

During Grace’s birthday month I’m going to share posts of days long gone, but not forgotten.

November 2003

It’s hard to believe that Grace is 19 months old already. It seems like yesterday I was breaking the news to my husband that we were having another baby. I remember it so clearly because in his own mind he had settled on the fact and was satisfied with three boys. (But I really wanted a girl!) And he was letting me know he didn’t want any more, that very night BEFORE I shared me news. Well, I tried hard not to smile because I knew God had a different plan.

Through the months of waiting and wondering I was on a roller coaster ride of emotions. I prepared myself for another boy, and only rarely allowed my self to dream of a girl. But when one of my good friends found out she was having a girl, all my suppressed emotions just came pouring out. I really wanted a girl and I really wanted God to show his love for me in this way.

We weren’t planning on getting an ultrasound, but when the opportunity came up we wanted to know and the doctors told us twice, it was a girl. Still we didn’t run out and buy pink. Even in the delivery room I wasn’t positive we would get our girl. And even when they said she was a girl, at that point it didn’t really matter if the baby was a he or she. I was just glad to get her out.

Even in the first few months of her life, I sometimes forgot she was a girl. She looked just like the boys. Bald and blue eyed. I called her Timmy several times, especially when she was dressed in one of the boys’ sleepers.

Now that she is older, there really isn’t much difference in having my girl. She still doesn’t have enough hair to put a bow in and she loves to play with balls and throw things. The only perk is I get to put her in pretty dresses and shoes. I guess the ribbons and bows will come some day.

For us, this is a happy ending and I know that there are many of you out there wanting that “girl” or “boy”. But there’s one thing I think I learned through this whole experience. My three boys were all very well planned. And with Timmy, my mom even bought me the book on how to get a girl because she was afraid I might have a dozen children. But with Timmy we were impatient and it didn’t work. With Grace she was a total surprise!!! I wasn’t planning on getting pregnant for at least six more months when I found out we were expecting.

And now getting to what I learned: God wants to give us our heart’s desire. The Bible says that, “if you ask for bread, he will not give you a stone.” But before I was able to receive what God wanted to give me, I feel he wanted me to let go of my control and just trust him to give me what I wanted and needed. I also believe that is why he blessed us with Grace. I really had no control over the timing. I also believe that I had to come to terms with (and even delight in the fact) that I might never have a girl. And I believe it was when I was able to be happy with the prospect of four boys, that God was able to bless me with the desire of my heart.

Now I don’t always get what I want. Before I had any children at all I wanted five kids and twins at that!! But when I was pregnant with Grace I told God to give me only what I can handle (obviously twins were something God felt I couldn’t handle and I know He was right!) and when Grace was born I knew she would be the last. Although my heart desired more children, my head told me that four was my limit.

So I am blessed with Chris, Joey, Timmy and Grace. Even if Grace had been a Greg, I still would have been blessed. After all, ALL children ARE a blessing from the Lord!!