Grace and Grandma
“Evil Grandma!” “Evil Grandma!”
That’s what Grace shouted when Grandma came to congratulate her after her graduation. Grace was just having fun, being silly, but Grandma was mortified.
You see, Grace and Grandma have been having issues since she came to live here after she broke her wrist five months ago. (Five months, wow! It doesn’t seem that long.) While I was a little unsure how the living arrangement would work out between me and mom, I never factored in how Grandma’s stay would affect the kids.
It was a hard transition. Joey (11) gave up his room and to his Chris’ (13) horror had to share the bunk bed in his room. It was an ugly couple of months and still there are many nights where the two can be heard verbally duking it out at bedtime. Usually it’s Chris antagonizing. Joey only had his own room less than a year before he was ousted, but he’s the one that’s warmed up most to grandma.
The younger too seemed to have viewed grandma as an intrusion to their daily routine. Though they loved visiting once or twice a year, grandma always went home. They always had run of the television and play room. Now there’s a grandma who likes to watch Bonanza and Little House on the Prairie.
Grandma didn’t push herself on them. She knew it would take time for them to warm up to her, but the lack of affection on their part or interest in her hurt. At times Grace, being a typical five year old, would speak what she was feeling. It wasn’t always positive toward grandma. And grandma is not one of those mushy, push over grandmas. She likes to have fun, but speaks her mind if the kids are out of line. It seems the kids early on tested her and when she didn’t push back hard enough, they started walking all over her. It’s been a constant battle for me to get the kids to listen to her, but it doesn’t help when she resorts to her almost extinct dysfunctional ways by yelling and calling them names like “brat.”
Grace picks up on this. She’s called grandma “mean” and it’s really hurt my mom. It’s crazy watching my five year old have such an affect on my mom, but I understand them both. Grace says, “I’m not her kid. She shouldn’t yell at me.” I understand Grace. She wants an all-the-time-sweet grandma who doesn’t rock the boat and let’s her do whatever. Like my mother-in-law. But my mom is not like that. And my mom wants a sweet, granddaughter that loves her unconditionally. Grace isn’t giving her that.
So Grace and Grandma. They’re learning to live with each other. Occasionally, like the time when Grace called Grandma “evil” in front of everyone, Grace says something insensitive and grandma becomes highly emotional and tells me not to leave Grace with her anymore, but then things calm down and get back to normal.
The kids now run to the couch when Bonanza and Little House is on and I try to be more cautious about leaving Grace alone with grandma. I try and take Grace with me when I can, and when I can’t I try to gauge their relationship and mood. It hasn’t been easy having grandma live with us, but it’s been so much better than I could have ever imagined or dreamed up myself. Things are being dealt with, and my stuff is being messed with, but that’s okay. God’s doing something in all of us and it’s got to be for the better!
