Friendship Intimacy: Fact of Fiction?
You see it all the time in books and movies, two kindred spirits. The deep intimate relationships between close friends that have seen each other at their best and worse, yet love and forgive each other anyway.
Subconsciously, I think I’ve been searching all my life for this type of friendship. At times, I’ve tasted a little of what this relationship looks like, but inevitably things fall apart, close friends move away, or something happens in the friendship to put distance between us.
Looking back on my life and my lack of really close intimate friends, I’m beginning to wonder whether this type of relationship really exists, or if I’m just chasing a fairytale.
I’m beginning to wonder if it’s me who keeps driving these friends away.
It seems whenever I feel close enough to someone to really expose my heart, or safe enough in a relationship to bring up something that is standing between us (aka. bugging me), it back fires. Instead of bringing us closer as friends, I somehow drive a wedge between us which is not my intention at all.
I’m starting to figure out that maybe I’m just too intense a person. Maybe even too needy. I’d rather deal with things that are bothering me in a relationship than just constantly gloss over them. I’m big on Grace and forgiveness in my relationships, but I don’t denying my feelings. I feel, forgive and go on. Once in a while I feel secure enough in a relationship to expose my heart and my true feelings. But maybe I’ve taken it a bit too far this time. Maybe some things aren’t meant to be shared or maybe my relationships are not as close as I thought them to be. At this point in my life, I’m clueless.
Whatever the case, the result is always the same. I seem to push people away instead of bringing us closer. I seem to bring hurt with my honest feelings, instead of healing. I seem to be harsh, when all I want to do is clear the air. I’ve been confronted on my “stuff” enough over the years. It hurts, but I get over it, learn, and move on. Should I expect others to do the same?
So what do you think? Do these relationships really exist? Should I just forget it and continue in the easy surfacy friendships that are fun and rewarding in their own ways?
If something is bothering me, should I just forgive and forget, even if it happens over and over again? Should I ignore my feelings, even if they get hurt and cause damage on my side of the relationship, and spare my friend’s feelings?
And last, do you desire this type of friendship and have you found it?
Sages of the internet, let your advice flow!
