You Are Not Insignificant!
It happens every ACFW conference. The excitement and utter terror of stepping into the hotel, perusing the lobby while people huddle in groups exchanging hugs and greetings, and trying to figure out where they fit in. Others like me, feeling out of place.
Thankfully, this year when I arrived at ACFW I had a scheduled dinner date with Jenny B. Jones, Tricia Goyer and Cara Putman. Yeah, I know. Little ol’ me with the heavy hitters of Christian fiction. Talk about feeling out of place. Though they made me feel welcomed in their circle, my insecurities rose. Who was I to be sitting among these ladies, these award winning authors and teachers?
After dinner, Jenny B. Jones, my roommate for a night, and I started through the lobby and it hit me…the excitement and fear and floundering…friends were huddled in groups, and I wondered whether to offer a smile and a nod or walk over and “interrupt” their gathering. I wondered whether or not I fit in their circle of friends.
But I was with Jenny B. Jones, and when she walked by, people lit up and greeted her with open arms and hugs. And me, I stood by and smiled, trying not to look as awkward as I felt. Did they see me or were was I just invisible in the presence of someone greater?
Now don’t get me wrong, I would have done the same had someone else been walking with Jenny B. I totally “get” their excitement in seeing a good friend. I’ve also been guilty of being caught up in the moment and not seeing the bigger picture, but I share this in hopes that it might help someone else who might feel the same. I share this in hopes that maybe when we (me included) get caught up in the excitement of old friends, we may pause to take a look around and see if there’s anyone else outside our circle trying to figure out where they fit in.
After several more Jenny greetings with me standing by twiddling my thumbs, I made a couple of jokes about being invisible and smiled. I even walked away and forced myself on a “circle” or two. I started feeling myself warming up to the “socialness” of a conference. But later when I went to my room, I still felt funny and wanted to identify what exactly I was feeling and why I felt what I felt. I wanted to remember so that I might look for others feeling the same way. And when I examined my heart, the “feeling” word that came out was insignificant.
Now I know I’m not really insignificant, but sometimes in the presence of greatness, it can feel that way. So me and God had a little talk about it, I dealt with me feelings, and I thought that was it!
Fast forward to the next morning. I was “dealing” with my insignificance, starting to warm up and turn on to the whole extrovert thing and bam…I walk out of the elevator and into a God moment. I’m not sure who started the conversation, but there we were, several excited writers, offering introductions, and this woman gets excited when she hears my name.
Really?
Honestly, I had to check my name tag to make sure she didn’t think I was Gina Holmes…(happens all the time,) but she shouted “Gina Conroy! I have to get a picture with you.”
Really? Seriously, me?
That’s what I was thinking and honestly, I still thought she had me mistaken for someone else, but I wasn’t going to let her in on the secret. So I posed and smiled and we exchanged cards and when it was all said and done, I smiled. Because God showed me in a tangible way only I would understand that I wasn’t insignificant!
How do I know it was God? NOTHING like that happened again all conference. I was just Gina Conroy, writer and fellow writer…interrupted, but it was the one God moment I needed to get me out of my insignificant funk.
I learned a very important lesson at conference this year. I wasn’t insignificant, even thought that’s how I felt. I also learned feelings can’t always be trusted, but it’s okay to be honest about what I feel as long as I put things into perspective and see myself the way God sees me. I felt insignificant, but I wasn’t…and neither are you!! That’s the whole point of telling this story! Maybe you’ll see yourself in me and think, “I’m not insignificant either!” Oh, and I learned one other very important lesson. NEVER walk through a lobby with Jenny B. Jones!
(Love ya, Jenny!)
Your Turn! Have you ever felt this way, and what do you do to help others who might suffer from the insignificant syndrome? Add YOUR voice to the conversation!
