3 Tips to Help You Begin Again After Difficult Depressing Times

What gets you out of bed in the morning to brave a day of ordinary or the unknown? What keeps you going when nothing you’ve planned is working? When your kids are defiant and your husband just doesn’t ‘get you’ and you’re friends, well, are only online? What keeps you going through that nasty divorce where soon-to-be-ex or long-time ex seems to go out of his way just to cause turmoil in your already chaotic life? What helps you put one foot in front of the other and find the joy in your life when you’ve lost a loved one? 

I’m here to let you know you are not alone.  I may not have experienced your personal circumstance, but I’ve been where you are. I know how impossible it feels to keep moving through difficult times. I know what it feels like to be lost and alone, like all your friends have abandoned you. Like God has abandoned you. I know what it feels like to be tired of feeling depressed and wanting to move forward, but not knowing how because you feel stuck. I know what it feels like to hope and pray for someone to hold your hand and walk through this impossible time. Yet no one comes to your rescue. I know how hard it is to rescue yourself, but it is possible. Here are some tips to get you out of bed and start living your extraordinary life again. 

Feel your emotions, but don’t always believe them.
It’s hard to see things as they really are when we’re blinded by pain and grief. Processing your loss, whatever it is, is important for healing and growth. It’s okay to allow yourself to feel, cry, even scream, just remember not to hurt yourself or anyone else in the process. In my own life, when I felt completely hopeless, I would project my pain outward lashing out with my words at others. It was a cry for help, to ease my pain, but it only pushed people away. 

Seeking truth in the Word of God is a great place to start, but if your depression is affecting your daily life, relationships, and activities, it may not be enough. Instead, seek a close, safe friend or reach out to a trusted counselor or therapist that isn’t going to put a bandaid on your pain. Accepting that you need help and can’t do it on your own is the first step, reaching out for help to someone safe is the hardest step, but so necessary to healing. No one can force you to do it. You have to do it for yourself, and you are stronger than you realize! So please reach out if you need help.  Don’t think too much about it, just do it.

Realize you are causing your own suffering.
This may be the most difficult thing to accept. But it was the key to me moving on with my life. Pain is different than suffering. It’s okay to feel pain, it’s not okay to linger and wallow in it. We do that by regretting the past and fearing the future and by blaming people, circumstances, even God for our suffering. While it may alleviate the pain for a while, it keeps you in a cycle of suffering and pushes people away. Trust me, I know. 

We cause our own suffering when we wish things were different instead of accepting them. Accepting the fact that we are causing our own suffering is also a difficult thing to do. And very painful. But I think it’s the key to healing and moving on. How do you do that? By accepting “what is” and finding joy in every moment. 

Always find something to be thankful for.
It’s been proven that gratitude has a positive effect on mental health. According to  Health Matters NYP, “studies show practicing gratitude can lead to more intimate and connected relationships, less depression, more motivation and engagement, and better overall mental well-being.” I can attest to this first hand. 

During a very dark season after my divorce, I started a “Thankful” journal. I wrote in it before I went to sleep because it helped me focus on my blessings, even though they were few in comparison to my troubles. Most days all I could be thankful for was a warm, safe bed and that was enough. 

Being thankful helps focus your thoughts on the now instead of past regrets and expectations or future fear. Remember, suffering is found in the past and future, not in the present if you focus on your blessing. 

Depression is real and debilitating whether you’re grieving a real death or the death of a dream or life as you knew it. It feels like you’re walking in a fog carrying a two-ton weight and even getting out of bed is a chore. But I want you to know, you don’t have to live your life that way. There is help. You may just need a friendly listening ear, or someone to speak hope into your life. Or you may need a professional. Whatever you choose, I want you to know it is possible to live your extraordinary life. It may mean charting a new course or heading in a different direction. But I’m moving forward with passion and purpose in my life, and you can too. 

I’m compiling my Thankful journal into a book to help others navigate through their difficult season. If you’d like to find out more information on that book and other resources I have to help you navigate your extraordinary life, sign up here.