Dementia: The Slow Road to Memory Loss

It was supposed to be a girls’ trip to visit my sister five hours away who really hasn’t visited my mom in several years, except for my son’s wedding in November, but circumstances forced her home early. I was doing this trip for my mom who is in the early stages of dementia, and my daughter was along for the ride. But 30 minutes into the drive, it was clear that mom was getting upset. And it wasn’t necessarily because the drive was so long. When she made her will, she had planned on going back-and-forth living with me, then my sister. I knew it wasn’t going to work because not only does she have dementia, but she is almost legally blind, which compounds the problems for her. She needs a routine, familiarity, and she has no friends where my sister lives. She would spiral into depression if she was there for more than a day.

I think the problem she was having on this drive was more about realizing it wasn’t what she thought it was going to be. She remembered it differently. And what she was really thinking about was the future, going back-and-forth between me and my sister to live which upset her. So an hour into the trip, it was obvious she was upset, and she wanted to go back home. So we had dinner and then turned around. She was happy. And that’s all that mattered.

My mom used to love to travel. She had no problem traveling and touring Israel, India, and Africa. I had a dream of taking my mom to the ocean this summer, maybe Hawaii, maybe to Italy, maybe just RVing across the United States, but I think her traveling days are over. And I’m feeling a loss of a dream for my mom and me.

She has good friends and people who love her where she’s currently living, and I’m so very thankful for that, but I know day is coming when things will change for the worst. And I’m not sure either of us are ready for that. But today is a good day, and I’m grateful!