Digging Deep without Burying Yourself

This meme popped up on my Facebook news feed and I immediately related. I’ve been running ragged for 6 – 8 months dealing with my mom’s onset dementia, moving her to independent living, DIY fixing up her house, packing, and moving boxes for the last 6 weeks. There’s still so much more to do. I’m already tired tomorrow! How about you?

In today’s go, go, go world, not many of us stop long enough for a good refreshing rest. How can we? Whether we’re married or single, we’ve got more responsibility than we have to handle. From children and full-time jobs, to aging parents and side hustles, not to mention the stress of Covid on an already stressed out immune system. It’s a recipe for burn out!

During these times when I have to dig deep, I get exhausted, run on fumes, and then completely stall and fall into unhealthy habits. That doesn’t make for a healthy way to deal with all that is going on. A run-down body just makes me more susceptible to overwhelm, sickness, and bad choices.

So this morning I decided to pick up an “old friend” to rest and refresh my soul before a busy day of packing. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene` Brown has definitely been the gift that keeps giving. Every time I read it, I find something new for my life. This morning, page 3 hit home.

Brene` Brown explains her own experience with digging deep. She shares about a blog post she wrote in 2008 about “breaking her ‘dig-deep’ button.” She defines the “dig-deep button” as “a secret level of pushing through when we’re exhausted and overwhelmed, and when there’s too much to do and too little time for self-care.

That’s been my life for the last seven years since my divorce. And just when I found myself in a season where I could let go and breathe a little, my aging mother needed me, so you guessed it. I had to take out the shovel and dig deep again.

I know I’m not the only one who can relate. Life is tough, especially if you’re doing life mostly alone and responsible for others. But digging deeper is not necessarily the answer, unless your goal is to reach burnout and bury yourself.

So Brene` found another definition for DIG that people who live wholehearted lives move into when the going gets tough.

They get…

Deliberate “in their thoughts and behaviors through prayer, mediation, or simply setting their intentions;”

Inspired “to make new and different choices.”

Going. “They get into action.”

What really surprised me about this is that THIS is how I’ve been living my life the last couple of years. Especially the last couple of months, though there’s always room for improvement.

Deliberate: I deliberately chose not to teach this month so I could focus on taking care of mom and moving houses. Yes, it was financially risky, but listing and then canceling classes like I did last year seemed like a waste of time and energy. I felt my time was better used not stressing about my classes and focusing on packing and moving. I know I made the right choice since I’m barely surviving all I have to do with renovations and the move. I cannot image teaching my normal schedule on top of that.

I’ve also made it a point to be intentional about my mindset and reframe the struggles that show up in life. I’ve also made some deliberate choices to relax and refresh with friends. Not nearly enough as much as I’d like, but I know there will be life after the move so I’m keeping focused on that.

Inspired: I confess, I’ve made some good choices in regards for my health, but I’ve also made some not-so-good choices in regards to keeping up with my health goals. I’m still struggling with the mindset of not having enough time to work out during the season, and I can feel the tension in my body, not just from the workload, but from the lack of stretching and movement. I’ve occassionally slipped into old ways of finding comfort in food and drink, but I’m so grateful for my health plan which gives me the tools so I can dig myself out without getting buried.

Going: Whenever I feel myself getting “buried” by exhaustion or emotion, I fight to change my actions. Action cures emotions. Sometimes it’s as simple as putting on music or cooking something healthy that helps me push out of the hole I got myself in. Just setting a small goal of packing 3 boxes or emptying a cabinet can get me moving again. During this season I also made time to do something just for me. I made time at least one day a week to go sailing, have dinner with friends, a go to a live outdoor concert. It’s really been restorative and just what I needed to gain my strength to pick up that shovel again and get back to work.

Life is going to throw stuff at us and we’re going to have to dig deep. But it’s much easier with the right tools. A good shovel works so much better than a spoon to get the job done. Though I have not mastered the new way of digging, I now have tools to not get buried by life. What are you doing to be intentional about self care and rest?