School: A Muliple Choice Question?

I’m tired of always second guessing myself about homeschooling. I’m tired of my unfulfilled idealistic visions for homeschool.

The first year, I planned my curriculum and thought we’d do fun projects and read, snuggled up on the couch. Then reality hit. Homeschooling two kids with a two-year-old tornado didn’t work very well. Plus how much fun can you plan when the kids are spending most of their day whining about school and poking each other with pencils. I spent most of my days disciplining and threatening to send them back to school.

Fast forward the second year. I hired a mother’s helper to do the reading and fun science projects, the fun stuff I would like to have done, but by the time I had given all those “character lessons” that presented themselves almost daily, I was too beat and worn down. All I wanted to do was jump in my bed or chill at the coffee shop with my computer. Throw in a three year old who knew how to terrorize her siblings and add teaching my five year old how to read. It was a recipe for an unfulfilling year where I threatened to send them back to school at least once a month.

Present Day: I thought sending them to a one day a week co-op would give me a good break. And it did, so much that they seem to be spending most of their week doing their homework and little time for all the extra stuff I really enjoy like history and literature. There’s still the daily bickering, though my 12 year old has been more diligent about doing his work. But now there’s daily conflict between my older 2 and my 4 year old whom they think doesn’t get punished enough and is ALWAYS doing something wrong. There’s still the weekly “character lessons”, but most days I’m wondering is it helping and why should I have to put up with this all day long.

I so love the IDEA of homeschooling, the REALITY, not so much. Is it me? Is it my kids? Should I just throw in the towel, give up the ghost? I’m really thinking about it, until I hear about other families and their successful homeschooing experience. Then it makes me want to stick it out another year? Figure out what I’m doing wrong.

I’ve tried different homeschooling approaches, even the “let your kids choose what they want to study.” So I thought I’d ask Chris (12) again.

I asked him what he wants to study, he says “the history of Kit Fitso. I wish there was a biography of him.” For those of you who don’t know, Kit Fitso is a Jedi in Star Wars. So I try and work with that and suggestion, “why don’t you write a story about Kit Fisto.”

His reply, “But I need to know about his past to make up a story.”

Me: “Why don’t you make up his past?”

But this won’t work because he doesn’t want to get the details wrong, so I suggest he make up his own Jedi, someone no one knew existed. Mild interest crosses his face!

We’re studying government right now, and I thought about having a mock government, so the kids can role play. Chris’ reaction? He stares me down like it’s a stupid idea, and he wants no part of it.

So here’s the bottom line. I really need PEACE in this family, but is “getting rid of the trouble makers” copping out? Should I stick it out and try to work through things, or go with the thing that gives our family peace? Not that I really know what that would be.
If I had all the money in the world, I would send my 4, 6, and 9 yr. old to the private school my two oldest used to go to. At least for the next year. Kindergarten is only 2 full days and 2nd grade is 2 full and 3 half days. So I’d still have my littlest ones at home a lot. As for Joey (9) he requires structure and order, and he’s so quick to learn I can’t keep up with him. He’s the model student for everyone except me. His test scores are way above his grade level and I’d love to keep homeschooling him, it’s just his immaturity is so hard to deal with concerning his siblings. He’s an easy target to pick on and they often do. He can’t handle his emotions and the “unfairness” of everything. That’s why I’m thinking school would really be a good thing for him. It would boost his self-confidence to be in an arena where he’d definitely excel. BUT hubby can’t see spending close to $15,000 to send the kids to school.

So I’m back to where I started this post. Second guessing myself about school. I sort of know what I want to do, but don’t know if it’d be the best thing for everyone. Then there’s the dream of the wonderful idealistic homeschool where kids are frolicking in the fields on a nature walk, listening tentatively while reading the classics and off on their own discovering something new and great! That’s not my reality, and I guess I just need to let it go. But it’s so hard to let go of your dreams, especially when you’re as stubborn as I am.