Friendless?
Do you remember that I LOVE LUCY episode where Lucy feels like she hasn’t a friend in the world? I can’t remember what caused her to feel this way, probably a spat with Ethel, but I can see it so cleary. Lucy slumped on a park bench, feeling sorry for herself. Then someone comes a long. Talks about being friendless. Lucy can relate. She gets excited. There’s a big drum beating, and lots of people singing, “We are friends of the friendless, yes we are, yes we are…and we travel near and far…” Lucy realized she wasn’t friendless anymore, and though I can’t remember how it ended, Lucy and Ethel reconciled.
I’m feeling a little bit like Lucy…like there’s growing distance between me and my real life friend.
It’s sad to say, but I don’t really have many close real life friends. Since we switched churches a couple years ago, the women in my community group never see each other any more. I thought I had a couple of good friends in that group but life gets busy, and they’re farther away in distance and friendship. I’ve made a couple of attempts over the years, calling to go out or get the boys together, but it gets very tiresome having to do all the work and never have anyone call you to plan something or go out.
It was like that in high school. I was the planner, the one who rallied my friends together and they all took part in what I had planned, but did anyone ever plan anything and invite me? Rarely. And it gets tiresome and lonely to live life this way. I know it’s in my personality to be the leader, but even leaders need to follow sometimes. Leaders need to know that they’re wanted and matter.
I’ve grown close to my real life friend over the last year especially since we were homeschooling together. Two years ago her son was in school, and I homeschooled. Next year she’s homeschooling, and my boys will be in school. I sense a drifting apart especially this summer. She’s been super busy with moving into a new house, and endless visitors and fires to put out this summer, and we’ve been gone half the summer on vacation, but I feel neglected, and I don’t want to become bitter over it.
Several times this summer we’ve planned to do something and then last minute she’s canceled, many times without an explanation. I love my friend dearly. I know this is part of her personality, and in her laid-back mind it probably wasn’t a plan, but it just makes me feel unimportant and rejected. She’s obviously making time for others, why not me?
Maybe it’s because she attracts those people in crisis. They just flock to her door, pushing out room for me because she can’t say no to their needs. Maybe it’s because she’s secure in our friendship and knows I’ll always be there. Which I will be. Maybe she doesn’t know how deeply hurt I feel everytime there’s a reason for her not being able to get together.
I know in the grand scheme of things this is really silly to fret over, but it seems to be the recoccuring theme of my life. I’m really tired of this rerun. Sure, Jesus will always be there for me, maybe that’s what this is about. To draw me closer to Him. Which would not be such a bad thing.
Still, there’s nothing like a fresh and blood friend!
