Ho Hum Holidays

Though I’m so very blessed and have many things to be thankful for, I still get down around the holidays. Who wants to cook a huge turkey with all the trimmings for two adults and four finicky kids!

I can probably count on one hand how many times we’ve spent Thanksgiving with family over the past 15 years. The closest relative is 12 hours by car and we stopped flying to visit family after two kids!

Years ago, when it became obvious that no one was about to reach out to us during the holidays, we decided to reach out to others. Some of our best Thanksgiving dinners were when we invited a dozen or so college student to our home. When my oldest was in first grade he had to write about Thanksgiving and he wrote “After my dad says a very loud prayer, we eat turkey and play football in the backyard with the students.”

That was before the university closed down the alumni mentoring program. I have to admit, I feel a little resentful toward the church and friends when it comes time for the holidays. For the past 15 years, it’s been known we have no family in town, yet no one has ever invited up to their home for the holidays. I remember one year joining together with another family and making our own Thanksgiving, and when our 80 year old neighbors are in town, we invite them over, but other than that our holidays are just us.

I don’t know if holidays aren’t such a big deal out here in the midwest, but growing up in a big NY Italian family, holidays were a special time for family and food. I miss the holidays of my childhood and sometimes feel my children are getting robbed of some wonderful holiday memories with extended family.

Living in the upstairs apartment of my grandparent’s house in NY, I remember anxiously waiting all day for the cousins and aunts and uncles to arrive. “What time did you say there were coming,” I’d ask my mom over and over again. The house was always buzzing with activity as we got ready for company. The aroma of homemade Italian bread and sauce wafted upstairs, calling us to down. My sister and I would scamper downstairs past the large table and into the kitchen where my grandmother fried meatballs. Starving, we’d snatch fried meatballs from the giant dish before all the cousins came for dinner and nibbled black olives off the antipasto tray.

For Thanksgiving, my grandfather’s sister and her family always joined us. After stuffing ourselves the boys would play basketball out back and all the girls would sneak upstairs to watch Hans Christian Andersen and Mighty Joe Young. They were on every Thanksgiving and something I always looked forward to.

Food and family! That’s what the holidays were all about for me when I was growing up. It makes me sad that my kids don’t have that. It makes me sad that Thanksgiving around our house is just another day.

This year I just wasn’t into the holiday spirit. No Thanksgiving decorations and I decided to order out instead. We did it once in the past and the food was excellent with plenty of leftovers. But when my husband arrived with the individual Styrofoam take out trays, I got really emotional. “We’d be better off going to the homeless shelter for dinner,” I shouted as I dumped my Thanksgiving dinner onto a real plate.

I guess I had expected the same thing as last time. Large tin trays of turkey, mashed potatoes and dressing, and plenty of leftovers. As I looked at the pitiful take out tray, I wondered if our order for five would be enough to feed our family of six?Well, there was enough to feed us all, and some leftovers, though not enough for dinner.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still thankful for a lot of things…

I’m thankful I didn’t have to spend the day cooking.

I’m thankful I got to spend the morning in my pajamas (Gracie’s still outside playing in hers:) and didn’t have to spend hours driving in the car.

I’m thankful there were no dishes to clean since we ate from Styrofoam containers. (Except me who used a real plate)

I’m thankful we actually had family out here several weeks ago and got to experience a pre-holiday gathering. (My mom’s the only one who ever comes out here for just a visit. My in-laws come out whenever a baby is born and we’re not planning on any more kids. Last year my aunt came out for a bowling tournament!)

Speaking of family. I’m thankful I’m not in the middle of my family’s dysfunctional dramas.

I’m thankful we actually have a few leftovers for dinner, though I’m in the mood for pasta and meatballs!

I’m so thankful for my family’s love and health and for freedom we have in this country.

I’m thankful for so many things, but I guess during the holidays I miss my family and the holidays of my youth, and can’t understand why more people don’t reach out to people like us!

So how do you spend your holidays? With extended family, or by yourself?