Parenting Power in the Early Years by Brenda Nixon
Growing up, as the middle child, in Ohio, Brenda worked as a nanny and preschool teacher following college. She moved to Missouri where she married, had her first daughter, earned a Masters Degree in Religious Education, had her second daughter, worked as a hospital chaplain, parent educator, and then served as the parenting expert on FOX TV4 in Kansas City. In 2001, her first book Parenting Power in the Early Years was published and she, along with her family, returned to Ohio. Today, she speaks nationally, writes, and teaches on child behavior/parenting.
Brenda’s 10 years of writing/speaking include every aspect of these trades:
Adjunct University Instructor – Designed and taught university and community college level classes and currently serves as adjunct faculty in early childhood department, Central Ohio Technical College.
Columnist – inspiredparenting.net
Freelance Writer – Her feature articles have appeared in over 100 publications and she successfully works with the Regional Parenting Publication (RPP) market.
Author – Parenting Power in the Early Years (2001, WinePress Publishing), You Can Speak (2005), and a contributing author to 23 books.
Early Childhood Parenting Expert – Answers questions submitted by parents for Arizona Parenting magazine and at ParentalWisdom.com.
Media Personality – Frequent guest on syndicated and regional radio programs.
Writing Instructor – Teaches at national writer’s conferences and bi-annually teaches a course she designed, How to Get Published at the Knox County (OH) Career Center.
For an interview on Brenda’s personal writing life and parenting visit Portrait of a Writer…Interrupted.
And be sure to check out Brenda’s website for more insightful information.
Brenda, I’ve heard people talk about a kid’s temperament. Can you explain what that means?
While the precise definition is controversial, temperament is generally accepted as a natural, stable style of reaction to people, places, and things. In other words, temperament is the how – not the why (motivation) – of a person’s behavior. This way of responding to the world is genetically determined and as unique as hair color and height. There’s no such thing as a good or bad temperament. It just is, and kids can’t change their temperament anymore than they can change who gave birth to them.
The realization that some behavioral tendencies are innate, and not the result of parenting, is one of the most liberating insights parents gain from learning about temperament. By recognizing a child’s temperament, parents can create effective discipline techniques rather than butting heads with their child. They can tailor their expectations and encouragement to suit each child’s needs. By tuning into a child’s temperament, parents can recognize their child’s strengths and will subsequently find life more enjoyable.
OK, then what’s personality? Isn’t it all the same?
No, it is different. Imagine a large umbrella labeled “personality.” Under that umbrella are two forces: nature and nurture. Your child is born with a natural way of responding to life: his temperament. How a parent responds to, or nurtures, a growing child has tremendous impact on him. When you combine a child’s inborn temperament (nature) with the parenting he receives (nurture), you get the development of personality.
When did the study of temperament start?
Temperament research began in the late 1950s. Husband and wife, Alexander Thomas and Stella Chess, were both medical doctors and professors of psychiatry. Their work in temperaments is considered landmark. They studied the everyday responses of 136 subjects from infancy to adolescence. Thomas and Chess noted characteristics present at birth that continued to influence development in important ways throughout life. They eventually identified nine categories.
Since then, many scientific studies of temperament have continued to show that children’s health and development are influenced by temperament. We all know children who seem more challenging to deal with than other children – even at birth!
So, what are these Temperament Traits?
The nine categories according to Drs. Chess and Thomas are the following:
- Activity Level
- Regularity (Rhythmicity)
- Approach/Withdrawal: The initial response to new stimuli.
- Adaptability
- Sensory Threshold (also called Sensitivity)
- Quality of Mood
- Persistence (Attention Span)
- Distractibility
- Intensity of Reaction
What tips can you give for improving our relationship with our kids?
Most parents want a positive, emotionally close relationship with their kids. Different temperaments can strain that relationship; a parent and child are “out of sync.”
For example imagine a child who is slow to warm up to new people or situations living with a parent who frequently moves. The child might act irritable, and the baffled parent doesn’t understand or know what to say.
It’s difficult to be patient, warm, and personal every time kids need direction. However, there are ways to use your knowledge of temperament to help improve your parent/child relationship.
- Change the way you perceive your child. Just knowing that certain aspects of your child’s behavior are biologically based can make a difference in how you see and nurture him.
- Helpful self-talk can be your survival. Try saying, “This is my child with a challenging behavior,” not, “This is my challenging child.”
- Use positive words to describe his behavior as a way to enhance his self-image (and your sanity). For example, you can say, “My child is goal-oriented,” rather than, “He’s pigheaded.”
- Honor uniqueness. Kids don’t have to see, feel, and act like you. Mature parents recognize that children are unique and approach the world with their own style, even if they’re difficult to understand. Work with your child rather than always demand he change. Even small adjustments – like cutting the tags out of clothing for the sensitive child – can make a difference in how he feels and behaves.
- Stop the guilt. Avoid assuming every real or imagined challenge with your child is a sign you’ve failed. Some kids won’t turn out exactly as we’d like, no matter how great we were as parents.
Finally, what are some resources you’d recommend for those who want to learn more about their child’s temperament?
Some books you might find helpful include, Understanding Your Child’s Temperament by WB Carey, Raising Your Spirited Child by MS Kurcinka, and The Difficult Child (revised edition) by Stanley Turecki. I posted a free article with more in-depth information about temperaments on the Articles page of my website at http://www.brendanixon.com/articles.htm. An internet search on “temperaments” will also produce lots of reading. My live presentation about this topic is available on audio CD for $10. If anyone wants to learn more, they can order a CD by sending $10 to me at: PO Box 1302, Mount Vernon, OH 43050.
