ACFW Revisited: Pensive and Humbled

I’m still processing all the wonderful and ambiguous things that happened at ACFW this year. Every ACFW has a different feel and every time I go, I have a different need. I’m a different person, a little further on my writing journey, but not necessarily closer to the finish line.

This year I felt disconnected at ACFW. I’m not sure what it was exactly, but I think it was a combination of not having a finished manuscript to pitch, throwing some new proposals together two weeks before I boarded the plane and having the hotel be so darn big! Don’t get me wrong, the Marriott Denver Tech Center was beautiful and the staff wonderful and gracious, it’s just I felt so small. I’m not sure if that too was due to the large facilities or the place I feel I’m at in my writing journey. But for me, something was missing.

At times I felt like I was a stranger looking through the windows of someone’s home, wondering about the people laughing inside. Longing to be a part of the festivities, but feeling like an outsider. Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert who longs to be with others, but feels like a third wheel. Maybe it’s because I haven’t developed deep and real relationships with other writers at ACFW. Maybe it’s because there’s some sort of connection still missing and I just don’t know what it is. Maybe I’m longing for something that is not mine.

Other times I felt confident and social, and honestly, those were the best times! I felt wanted and included and thought to myself, this is what ACFW should be about. Reaching out to others, those wandering around feeling like they too are on the outside looking in. So I sought others like myself and stepped out of my comfort zone to bring comfort to someone else. I was blessed by it.

And finally, I felt humbled and in awe of a God who answers prayers and comforts us in our time of need. I’d been praying specifically for an open door with an editor and though I had the chance to approach this person several times, I didn’t feel it was right. But instead of opening a door, God threw open a window and invited me to climb through. His plan was much better than my own. I’m not sure if anything will come of it, but the unexpected answer to prayer was exactly what I needed when I least expected it. Isn’t that just like God?

So am I any closer to getting published than I was a year ago? I’m not sure. Several editors requested my proposals, but whether or not anything comes of it is a mystery. All I can do is keep writing, and let God do the rest. And maybe, just maybe, when I least expect it God will tell me it’s time!