First posted March 2006: I’ve come a long way, baby. And yet so far to go.
Yesterday I had one of those horrible home school days. I wish I could say they were few and far between, but they’re not. From the moment I woke up until the kids went to bed, it was one emotional rollercoaster ride for me and my kids. It began with my 11 year old and trickled to three of the four kids. Thank God for my steady second child. Though he had a small meltdown at bedtime it didn’t compare to my other three.
I have so many questions for God? Why did He give me these high spirited, high needs kids, and why did He want me to home school them? I couldn’t possibly be the best person for the job. I have my own issues and struggles I’m dealing with. How can I be the mom they want me to be? How can I meet all their needs and do it all?
I don’t have the answers, but encouragement came through a friend’s email today. I read it earlier in the day and then had to return to it tonight. It offered some encouragement, though I still dread the thought of doing this all over again day after day.
“The strongest steel breaks if kept too long under unrelieved tension. God knows exactly how much pressure each one of us can take.”
Yesterday I felt like breaking! I’m not sure if steel can bend, but I was doubled over and waiting to SNAP! It’s days like these I question whether God really knows what He’s doing and if He does, does He REALLY care. The answer came, I think…
“Slowly you will discover God’s love in your suffering. Your heart will begin to approve the whole thing.”
Okay, that’s a little hard to believe at this point in time, but I’ll accept it in faith. Still, I’ve got one more question…HOW SLOWLY?