Protected: Grace vs. Discipline

I’m struggling with how much grace to show my kids. It seems when I show them a lot of grace, they walk all over me, or at least try. When did they become so disrespectful and rebellious, arguing and challenging like a bully on the playground. Telling me “no” to my face, and cutting me down.

I’m probably to blame. Wish I knew what went wrong, where it went wrong! I know deep down underneath there’s a compassionate heart, but I’m not sure that heart is following after the Lord. I’m not sure that I’m a good example to point the way. I fall so often and all they see is my sin. I preach to deaf ears and feel like a hypocrite. Eyes full of hate and defiance burn through me. Often times we reconcile, but the sun went down on someone’s anger tonight. I’m afraid I might be losing him, and I don’t know what to do.

What am I doing wrong? Should I be firmer? Offer more grace. I think grace would be easier to give if there was a repentant heart. I’m at an utter loss of what to do and so helpless to do anything. Only Jesus can save this relationship! Guide me, show me, change me!