Love Languages

Since this is the month of love and Valentine’s Day, I decided to post about Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, which I recommend to read.

I read an interesting book about the language of love we use. In the book, The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman was insightful and interesting. But most of all I saw such potential for a writer to use the information to flush out her characters, especially in regards to the love relationship between the hero and heroine. I highly recommend reading the book.

When two people are in a relationship, it is important for each one of them to demonstrate in some way the importance of the other in his/her life. The problem often arises in a relationship when these two people don’t speak the same love language. They don’t speak to the other’s deepest emotional need (a need that has been shaped by their childhood). We want to be loved by the other and valued as worth loving by that person. So how you express your love is important in a relationship. You may be saying, “I love you,” to your significant other, but he isn’t hearing it because he doesn’t speak the same love language.

The Five Love Languages
By Gary Chapman

These are the five love languages:
1) Words of Affirmation-Some people need to hear the words from their loved one to believe they are loved. They need verbal compliments and praises.

2) Receiving Gifts-To others the receiving of a gift from their loved one tells them they are loved by that person. The gifts don’t necessary have to be expensive. The thought behind the gift is what is most important. It tells the person he was thinking about her. In a time of turmoil the gift of your presence can be what is valued the most.

3) Acts of Service-There are some who need love expressed through doing something for them. It could be something like doing the dishes or taking out the trash. It is important that the act of service is given freely, not demanded.

4) Quality Time-Another love language is spending quality time with your loved one. I don’t just mean being with him. I mean really talking and listening to him. You must be totally focused on him to the exclusion of everything else. Within this are also quality activities. When doing things together, one should want to do the activity and the other has agreed. You are showing your love by doing the activity together.

5) Physical Touch-A touch on his arm as you walk by, holding hands on a couch, or a back rub when he is tense can be to some an expression of love. There are many levels of physical touch and not all have to be intimate to show you love someone.

With your characters determine which love language he/she speaks and use that in your story to show love as well as to keep a distance between two people. An example: A woman who needs words of affirmation from the man she is dating and he is the strong, silent hero—doesn’t express his feelings well. There are so many possibilities to use the five love languages. I hope you can use them and have fun with them.