Where Have I Been?

Off line, away from my computer, tending to the things of life like homeschooling, carting kids from activity to activity, and teaching creative writing two days a week.

This year is the season of “no” for me. At least that’s the way I feel. No writing, no blogging, no socializing (not that I have many real-life-friends, anyway,) no doing much of anything for me! My exercise schedule has slowed down as I try to get my kids caught up in homeschooling and my body feels the neglect.

Balance? I don’t think it exists and my “hat”analogy is okay but there’s no way to switch all those hats every single day, so some of them, my very favorite, get left on the self to collect dust.

I feel like I’ve done a 180 in the writing arena from 5 years ago. Instead of spending hours and hours thinking and writing, I’m lucky if I sit down for an hour a week. My WIPs have made the rounds, several times and I’m in the waiting stage, again, trying to start a new WIP as I read tweets and blogs of writing moms who do all I do AND MORE and STILL have multiple contracts. The “why not me” monster tends to rear it’s ugly head every couple of months, but here’s the twist in my response… a part of me doesn’t even care anymore about that illusive book deal, doesn’t even really want it like I used to want it. Who needs the stress and who has the time to do what it takes to get it done? But the feeling of being “less” still crops up. Less of a writer, less of a blogger, less worthy to receive the blessing, less of a good mother despite the fact I’m spending more time doing what a mother should…less.

Sure, it’s the seed of the enemy, but he’s working with what he’s got and reminding me of the “Nos” and all the “lesses” in my life, and how many of my forty years have been filled with Nos! Let’s just say way more than I care to dwell on.

Crawling back in my cave now until there’s something more exciting, thought provoking or depressing to blog about!