Grieving the Loss of Hopes and Expectations
Sometimes you just need a day away from the world to grieve and process life. That’s what I did yesterday. Too many physical deaths this month, another one yesterday- a sweet lady who befriended my mom a while ago where she lives. And a few paschal deaths- deaths of things I hoped for and invested in that will never be.
Too many “deaths” all converged on me this weekend, so I took 24 hours to grieve, to go to church twice, and binge bitter-sweet movies about love and death and loss, all day and night. And it was cathartic for my soul. Even though I had seen these shows before, new episodes spoke to me because of where I am in life. Cleansing tears flowed and it was good.
Today, as I settle into accepting truth and learning to live with what I have, instead of longing for what I can’t have, bouts of grieving and unexpected tears still flow, and that’s okay! In fact, it’s really good because unless you grieve, new possibilities can’t grow.
Leighton Ford says “These [paschal] deaths, some small, some huge, may be God’s way of bringing transformation and new life.”
And Jesus says’ “unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” Jn 12:24
My prayer for you today is that whatever needs to die in your life, so you can have new life, will die… that you will not be a slave to those things (or people) holding you back from experiencing all that God has for your life.
I pray that you take the time to grieve and heal from these deaths, instead of stuffing your pain and pretending you are good when you are not, so that true transformation can occur!
“… grieving the old and being prepared to receive the new… is an absolutely crucial time that we must not pass over… to be prepared to let go and receive the gift of the Spirit that we need for our new life.” Ford
This morning, I’m allowing more time for grief and self care so I can receive the gifts I need for this new leg of the journey.
Like Howie on “Zoey’s Extraordinary Play List”, a caregiver who works with hospice patients, says ”Death is hideous and ugly and grotesque and wildly, wildly unfair. Or maybe death is beautiful and spiritual and transcendent and sometimes a very necessary and very freeing escape from our physical bodies when they are no longer habitable.” He goes on to add, “you get to decide how you view death.”
Instead of seeing my own paschal deaths as loss and heartache, I choose to see these deaths as a beautiful path to growth, transformation, and new life. I pray you choose that as well and cling to the hope of resurrection and new life through your own pain and grief.
