Restless

Last night I couldn’t sleep.

I was restless on so many different levels. That’s not like me because I’ve learned how to quiet my soul. There was a time I was very discontent with my life circumstances, but I’ve learned to find peace and joy in the now. And quite honestly, I’ve created a pretty amazing life.

But last night I couldn’t sleep. I was restless.

I’ve been in a “taking care of mom” vortex for about 8 months to a year, putting my life and dreams on the back burner, again. Last night, I wanted to be among people, but I was exhausted from another day of painting and home renovations.

As an introvert, I’m okay with being by myself, but I’ve learned that if I don’t get my people fix aka connection, at least once a week, it’s not good for my soul. And my connection meter has been in the red for too many years due to rebuilding my life after divorce.

As I laid in bed last night, instead of fighting what I was feeling, I allowed my feelings of restless to just be what they were. I felt like running away, chasing an adventure like I did on my 3 1/2 week “Midlife Road Trip” over 10 years ago. I let the wanderlust wash over me, and while it was true, I did long for adventure and different scenery, as I allowed myself to be honest with myself, what I really was restless for was connection.

How do you make genuine friends and connections so late in life when it seems everyone else has their friends group or “girl gang?” It seems my whole life I’ve been arriving “late to the party” trying to edge my way into some inner circle, settling for groups or people that weren’t best for me just because they were there and I was craving connection.

But every time I chased after what was not really supposed to be mine, I ended up creating chaos, getting hurt, and dealing with an Ishmael. I’ve healed and grown enough to know, that is not what I want anymore. God has shown me over and over again that it is better to wait for his timing than to try to do things on my own and force things to happen. But it’s not easy when I’ve been craving connection since I was 6 years old.

Maybe you feel the same way. Maybe life has knocked you around and you’ve lost your bearings. Maybe you feel like you’re always arriving late to the party or never catching the attention of those you want to notice you. Maybe you feel restless and want to run towards an adventure to distract you from what your soul is really missing: connection.

But running away from what you really want will only change the scenery. The longing will still be there. So what do you do?

1.) Don’t Fight the Feeling: When we resist “what is,” we create tension and suffering in our own lives. Instead, feel your feelings so you’ll be about to deal with them. I call this “Feel, Deal, Heal.”

2.) Assess and Accept: Take a look at your life and why you may be feeling restless for connection. Do you work too many hours alone, like me? Or maybe you’re just afraid of being rejected. Been there too! Whatever it is, you can’t get what you need when you’re in denial. Chances are you probably don’t have a close friend or confidant because then you wouldn’t be feeling restless, so there’s no shame in getting professional help. I have and still do from time to time when I really just need to be heard with no judgment.

3) Decide What you Want and Make the First Move: This may be the scariest step because it takes risk. If you’re lonely for connection, find a group or hobby that you’re interested in so you can be around like-minded people. Reach out to others online or in person. Don’t be afraid to ask someone to grab a coffee. Make the first move, and if you get rejected, left out, or not invited, shake it off and get back in the game.

We all want people to reach out to us, to invite, and include us, but one thing I’ve learned while being on this earth for over 50 years is that most people need to be proactive in their own lives. There’s no knight in shining armor or “Black Widow” warrior coming to our rescue. We need to realize we are the heroes of our own lives. We get to write our own stories. We get to create our own happy endings. If we want something, we need to ask for it or do without.

Restlessness is not a bad thing.

It’s just a symptom of something that’s lacking in your life. Allow yourself to take a closer look, accept where it’s coming from, and make a plan to move forward to satisfy that longing of your soul.

What are you restless for? And more importantly, what are you going to do about it?