When Everything Falls Apart
As I continue on this journey of faith and publication it becomes more and more apparent that I’m the protagonist in my own story, and God is the author, moving me along my story arc as I race toward my happy ending.
While there is comfort in knowing that God is the ultimate author, and my story is safe in his hands, there is also fear.
I’m a writer. I know what authors do to their protagonists to get them to the end so they can be the person they were created to be. So they can ultimately reject the lies they’ve been believing about themselves, and embrace the essence of who they truly are. And walk in truth.
The protagonist must be taken on a soul-searching, gut-wrenching journey. A journey that tears them wide open, where everything in their life falls apart to bring them to their black moment where they cry “Lord, you’re the only hope for this heart.”
That’s where I am right now.
Desperately trying to figure out where I fit in this writing world, where God wants me to be. Trying hard not to listen to the lies blaring in my ears that tell me I can’t do this. That it’s too hard. That I’m a nobody. That I will never be who I dream to be, and maybe, just maybe, this is all that God has for me, and I should be content.
Yet, deep inside there’s still a pull, a longing to embrace the essence of who I know I am, who God created me to be, but not sure if I have the strength to go on.
I’m lost, wandering around in my own story arc. Have I reached my black moment in my writing life? Have I surrendered all? Will there be a happily ever after?
I don’t know, but what I do know is that this weekend when it felt like everything was falling apart in my writing life, God spoke to me at just the right moment, twice, through a song. And his message was clear.
“When everything falls apart
Your arms hold me together
When everything falls apart
Your the only hope for this heart
When everything falls apart
And my strength is gone
I find you mighty and strong
You keep holding on
You keep holding on.”
Where are you in your life’s story? Will you keep holding on?
