Finding Purpose and Peace in this Pandemic Pause

Whew! I know that title is a mouthful (I dare you to say it 5 times fast,) but it really does sum up what I’m thinking about today. It’s feels like the whole world is on pause because of this Covid 19 virus, and yet while there are terrible things happening because of it, I’ve been able to make peace with this time and find purpose during this pandemic pause.

Social isolation was not the plan for any of us for spring break and beyond. I had planned to spend time relaxing and working on the books I never had time to write. But like so many other people, all my plans were put on pause. There was a greater goal now. A goal to plan for quarantine for the next 2-4 weeks (I couldn’t think beyond that,) to consider my financial status during that time and what I could do about it, and to make sure my loved ones were safe and cared for.

Instead of doing what I really wanted to do, I had to reevaluate my time and do what I needed to do during this uncertain. So two weeks ago, I shopped for what I thought I might need for 2-4 weeks which is what I normally did anyway, dropped off groceries at my 75 year old mother’s house, then quarantined her and prayed she’d be okay, since she lived alone. I checked on my mostly-grown kiddos who for the most part were being smart and playing it safe (two were still working,) then I let the worry and concerns go and started on my next task: finances.

As a homeschool co-op teacher and tutor who gets paid when I teach, having all students stay home was not the ideal situation, to say the least. That meant two months without income until summer camps started. And if I was honest, the chances of summer camps proceeding as normal was not looking good. So that was a potential five months without income. I didn’t even want to think about all the hours I wasted preparing those lessons and camps that would most likely not happen.

To make financial matters worse, as a single mom with child support ending in May (and still having to pay my 2018 and 2019 taxes,) things looked pretty bleak. But I wasn’t panicked. I had seven years of practice trusting God to provide all my needs. Although the first four to five years were filled with worry and anxiety, I eventually learned how to find my peace and fully trust that all things would work together for good. The secret: just do it and trust.

Okay, there was a little more to trusting God to provide all my needs than that, but over the years when my finances kept looking hopeless, and I kept gaining and losing clients and jobs, and I was doing everything I could to make things happen, and exhausting myself in the process, and still not earning enough to be financially self sufficient, I had to trust God to provide all my needs because what other sustainable choice did I really have? So I took a giant leap of faith, let go of all the striving (not the work,) and reminded him his word said he would provide all my needs. And I knew God wasn’t a liar. So I put my nose to the grind and waited in anticipation to see how God would show up and do his providing thing.

Let me emphasize trusting God didn’t mean I sat back and did nothing while waiting for him to provide. In fact, it meant the opposite. I had to work hard, prioritize life (making money came before spending and socializing,) and put in the long hours (12-16 days) even when I didn’t see any fruit from my labor. When all my friends were out dancing and dining, I was working. In a sense, I’ve been self isolating for years. So when I was told to do it for the good of myself and everyone, the transition wasn’t difficult.

I was ready and all set up for success and peace in this pandemic pause. The hours and hours and hours of work I had spent not getting paid for lesson planning suddenly found new life and purpose. I suddenly had time to get my classes online which had been the plan for years, but real-life teaching always took precedent. I suddenly had an opportunity to face my fears of online teaching, throw my hat over the wall (aka my courses online,) and commit to teaching even though things were not perfect and ready. Even though I knew I wasn’t ready and would not be perfect.

But millions of public school kids were at home with nothing to do. I already had things in place online, I just needed to push “go” and figure the rest out as I went. I needed to trust that all my hard work and years of teaching and planning had prepared me for just a time as this. If I spent my time worrying about my fears (in the world and inside of me,) then I would miss this opportunity that I’ve been “training” for the last several years. In a sense, I had to just do it and trust that it would be for good even if I didn’t see the fruit right away.

So I jumped in the deep end and have been doggy paddling every since. And it’s been exhilarating, exhausting, and extraordinary. To say I’ve been able to teach about 60 students in just two weeks to find their story, is amazing! To hear them say they learned so much and now can finish the novel they started is exciting. But to have found new purpose and peace during this pause is comforting and fulfilling.

These last seven years (and decades before) were never what I signed up for. None of it was how I imagined and planned my life. But it was what I had been dealt. It was what I had. Unfortunately, I didn’t handle the first half of my life very well. I couldn’t. I didn’t know what it would take to heal from all the wounds life threw at me. I didn’t know to trust my gut instead of what others said was right. I didn’t know it would take a lot of failures and wrong turns to prepare me for such a time as this.

But I’m here. And so are you. This world wide pandemic is confusing and frightening and devastating on so many levels. Our lives are so uncertain, but it’s what we have right now. How are you going to spend your now?

I’ve learned the hard way that worry will get me nowhere. I’ve learned that if I have the power to create my own suffering by what I think about, then I can choose to create my own happiness and hope and love. What do you want to create in your life and the lives of others?

Now is all any of us really have. Will you spend this time scrolling Facebook filling your thoughts with fear or will you ignore what is going on in the world? Will you be mindful, smart, prayerful, and do the best with what you’ve been given? Will you spend endless hours on Netflix or gaming or use this time to connect with people you haven’t in years? Will you face your fear, the dream you’ve yet to pursue, and just do it? Will you trust that God will provide for your needs, and will you commit to doing whatever work you can (for yourself of another) instead of waiting for someone to rescue you?

Lots of rambling thoughts and mixed metaphors, I know. But now’s not the time to be concerned with perfection, at least not for me, not in this post. Now is the time to find peace and purpose in this unwanted pandemic pause. You can fight it or embrace it. It’s here. It’s now. And despite the ugliness of it all, there can be good found in it. You just have to look for it.

And there you will find your peace and purpose in this pandemic pause.